Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Giuliani in 2008 and Some Residual Valentines Day Bullshit

I have just misted my underwear. Excuse me while I go change. Read this if you want, back soon.

There now, all better. I’m so happy. And I know Scarlet is happy too. So that makes two of us. I don’t get involved in politics or political discussions at all because what pisses me off about most politicans is that they have their own agendas. That greatly conflicts with my feeling that politicians should serve the people blah blah blah. So let’s see, if Hillary becomes Giuliani’s opponent, score. Who will vote for her? If we’re ready for a woman president, it certainly isn’t Hillary. Besides, I refuse to perpetuate the Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton ping pong match for the White House. Get someone else in there already. Since 1988 we’ve had the same two families in there. What kind of democracy is that?

Now before the bleeding hearts jump all over me because it’s just “so cool to be liberal” in D.C., I’d like to state that while I am not a Republican, Giuliani is everything I could want in a president. He’s economically conservative and socially liberal. Though, he doesn’t advertise that fact, which is fine by me. What this country needs is a New Yorker, who can fucking get things done instead of another country bumpkin who wants to fight a useless war or get his dick sucked by some intern. And you can spare me the Giuliani criticism, I will never listen to you. Giuliani will forever be in my good graces for what he accomplished with New York City BEFORE September 11th. Times Square, for example, was a seedy pit of sadness overrun with hookers and thieves when I was a wee Velvet. You couldn’t even go there. I remember going to the Bowery with my parents and holy shit was it scary. I think Koch was too busy drinking and going to Knicks games to bother to clean up the city. A few years of Dinkins, then Giuliani gets in there, and he cleaned it. Instead of handing out vouchers and money to the poor, he had them work for it. In exchange for that money, they had to help in some public project of cleaning a park for example. Brilliant. The man is fucking brilliant.

Okay, I’m done with that for now. On to V-Day.

I’m not a big Valentines day person. I worked at a restaurant for many years and I remember all those pain in the asses coming in, wanting everything “just right” and paying double our normal prices because everything was a “special.” Vomit and gag. Personally, I’d rather not make reservations 100 years in advance just to overpay for some holiday dinner that means shit in la grande scheme. Sadly, it also seems to be the holiday that matters more to the people who have no significant other and therefore become depressed. Last year I was trying to go to bed early until that fucking New Jersey came over with flowers and dinner. This Valentines Day, Sherlock gingerly warned me that he might be out of town for work.

Velvet: So?
Sherlock: Well, it’s Valentines Day, don’t you want to do something?
Velvet: You forget who you’re dealing with. I’m the girl who almost punched out the delivery guy on Christmas Eve when he showed up with your ‘I’m sorry’ flowers because he refused to follow my specific instructions to return the flowers and call you and say they were rejected. I’m not that romantic girl.
Sherlock: Oh. Okay.

So then fate intervenes in the way of an ice storm Tuesday night and there was no way he could go anywhere. Fine. We both worked out of our respective houses during the day. And by “work” I mean, I read the hilarious posts of this new blog that was just brought to my attention Tuesday night. Apparently one of you is commenting as me, with my real name. And yes, I know who it is.

Anyway, Sherlock and I connected for lunch. When he came over to pick me up, he snuck something into my house. It was a heart shaped box of candy with a red Velvet cover. On the cover of the box, he did some Martha Stewart handiwork with glue and glitter, and if it didn’t have our real names on it and a picture of us, I would have taken a picture of it and posted it here. It was like that heart we all drew on our notebooks in 7th grade – Velvet & Sherlock 2getha 4ever! Damn I love him.

Then he got me a card, and wrote some very sweet things in it. It almost made me cry but not really. Later on I read the card again and I realized, I have never seen his handwriting. Other than a shopping list or a reminder note here and there, I have not once seen his handwriting. Does anyone remember what it was like to get a letter? In the age of email, texting and Instant Messaging, there’s no more hand written love letters.

He went back home after lunch, and I fucked around online. Then, while most couples were spending their life savings on dinner, I was cranking out 3.5 miles at the gym bitches! Sherlock came back over later on and we watched a movie and went to bed. And, I’m home again because no one can get out of my neighborhood. I’m sorry Washington D.C., but where exactly do my tax dollars go? Because you certainly didn’t use them for any plowing of snow in Dupont Circle. Nice work.


  1. Tacoma!

    Dude if Giuliani sells out to the christian right he’s TOAST (in my book at least) but if he stays true to himself, I’d vote for him.
    Anyway, what’s with Hillary having such huge numbers, listening to her is like listening to voicemail instructions- BORING and ROBOTIC. I almost think this is a democratic joke to drive the Rush Limbagh fans crazy.

  2. Velvet

    D’oh. I forgot to mention that Tacoma! You’re right. I can’t abide by any pandering to religious peeps during the campaign. As an Agnostic about to turn Atheist, I just can’t do it.

  3. I-66

    Ahhh, an Agnostist. I’m transitioning that way too, and if I hear religion in these campaigns I’m going to become Agtheist, which is a lot closer.

    David Palmer for President.

  4. Marci

    Giuliani is speaking at my conference next month. Should be interesting. Espcially if they can get Obama to come down the next day. Just please don’t make me listen to Hilary. Gah!

  5. Sweet

    Yeah I’m glad he’s running too. I find it interesting I could support him or Obama. If they ran against each other, I feel that whoever wins, we wouldn’t lose. Which would be nice for a change.

  6. Phil

    Hillary is going to put Obama in a headlock until he agrees to be her VP. Forget it, democrats, Obama won’t be your man this year.

    We must vote for Rudy, if only to see his son, who by now must be like a real-life Chris Farley, mess up the Presidential inauguration.

  7. *A*

    My vote is Guiliani all the way. I adore him and honestly really like his politics too. What is that new parody blog? I don’t get it? Can someone compile a list of all the parody blogs? It’s getting a little confusing!

  8. Fencer4

    I am thinking it’s gonna be Obama v. McCain. All them red states won’t cotton to Rudys gay lovin’, adulterous, Big City ways unless he can pull the 9/11 wool over there eyes till the election is over.

    My 2 cents

  9. Tacoma!

    Red states are totally adulterous and gay!

    They just don’t like to admit it:)

  10. elvis

    sometimes, I swear you’re the anti-Christ. Guiliani? Guiliani? To paraphrase Jim Mora, in the style of his infamous 2001 “playoffs” tirade, “President? Don’t talk about– President? You kidding me? President? I just hope Guiliani can nominate Bernard Kerik for something!”

  11. Alejandra

    I just recently realized that I hadn’t seen my friend’s handwriting before either! Until he gave me a present with a card attached. Cutely enough, he included a note saying “My handwriting is the reason I love email so much…”

  12. the former blogger formerly know as whiskypants

    Oh holy crap – that Best DC Blog site is something else! Traveling girl sure knows how to bring the crazy.

    Glad that things are going so well for you – it gives me hope.

  13. Velvet

    I66 – Me too on the religion thing. Oy.

    Marci – The problem with Hillary is that she’s damn smart, but too conniving. I wish and hope our first woman president can be as smart as she, but I don’t think she’s the right person for the job. Besides, that could potentially mean that we would have the same two families in the White House from 1988-2016. Uh, no thanks. There’s 28 years of my life I’d never get back…

    Sweet – Agreed. Same thing if you pop John Edwards into the mix…though we all probably feel Gumby would be a better Pres than what’s going on now.

    Phil – Shhhhhh. I won’t tell Rudy you said that!

    *A* – Well, the list of parody blogs seems to be minus 1 now. Seems one of the thongspeed variations is gone.

    Fencer4 – I will forgive you for that comment because (cue sing songy voice) I heard what you did yesterday!!! You rock.

    Tacoma! – HA! YES THEY ARE!!!!

    Elvis – Me? The anti-christ. No way!!

    Alejandra – Weird, isn’t it? And uh, I’ll delete your dupe comment. Hee hee.

    Formerly Whisky – Uh, I know. I sat down yesterday and read it from start to finish. I have my own comments on the matter, but I don’t want to encroch on that blogger’s territory until they accomplish what they want, and also b/c (s)he was so nice to forward that comment that “someone” wrote as “me” with my real name. That person was easily identified. It was not “traveling girl” by the way.

  14. Dagny T.

    There are a number of NYC residents who really resent the way Giuliani cleaned up the city. Yes, it’s safer. But the programs instituted, so the story goes, didn’t have nearly as much influence over the process as the “favors” he called in to effectuate them. I like him, and just hope that doesn’t wind up biting him in an uncomfortable place…

  15. homeimprovementninja

    I lived in NYC during the Koch and Dinkins era. Or “the age of Dumb and Dumber” as I like to call it. So, yeah, I don’t a republican who’s not out whoring for the crazy religious vote. I also wouldn’t mind a democrat who’s not out to tax me to death. Mostly, I just want the government to leave me alone.

    Speaking of running for president, Ron Paul, who’s nominally a republican (but actually the only libertarian in congress) is running for president. That’s a guy I’d vote for. He was against the war in Iraq and voted against every tax increase that’s ever come his way.

  16. circumlocutor

    I just voted. Did you?

    Ok. Giuliani. I love him because he doesn’t pander to any special interests. He never minced words with Al Sharpton — even took him to court. What you see is what you get, which we can’t say about Hillary and we don’t know enough about Obama to know if we can say it about him. On the other Giuliani hand, he did, pretty much, single-handedly bring about the end of NYC nightlife. Shall I list the many great clubs that closed on his watch? Yeah, he made it safer to walk along Avenue B, but there was nothing worth doing there any more.

    Personally, I’m hoping Gore will jump in at the last minute. I’m thinking Bill Richardson would make a nice running mate for him.

  17. Chico's Bail Bonds

    Velvet, I feel like our politics (near the center, socially liberal, fiscally conservative) are pretty similar, but I gotta disagree with you on this one. I only caught the end of the Giuliani era in New York, but I can tell you that schools sucked (and still do) and that he sort of forgot that New York City is five boroughs and not just Manhattan. Finally, in between everyone patting Giuliani on the back after 9/11 for his strong leadership, they conveniently forgot that he and Kerik had forgotten to improve the city’s emergency mgmt, particularly around WTC after 1993. A lot of my cop friends love Giuliani and a lot of my fireman friends hate him.

    My two cents.

  18. LadyDi

    Ohh, I like the Gore/Richardson ticket. Interesting!! Although I think Al has had his chance. Giuliani would be great, but I’m not sure the party will back him because he isn’t “moral” enough or some such BS. And I’m with you on the “where are our tax dollars going?” bit, because Dupont is still full of snow and ice. Sucks.

  19. Alejandra

    Thanks for deleting the dupe! I get excited and click a few too many times somtimes…

    hmmm…that sounds kind of dirty, doesn’t it? 😉

  20. Scarlet

    I’ve been out of town so I missed the big news. But I was in NYC so it’s fitting, eh?

    I AM SO EXCITED! Have they started making campagin shirts and buttons yet? I need a sticker for my car.

  21. Jesse

    I hate to point this out, but it wasn’t really Giuliani (or just Giuliani) who cleaned up NY. It was a whole long list of small actions by a lot of people. Giuliani gets credit because he had the luck of being the mayor. Excellent discussion in “The Tipping Point” about how NY cleaned up its act.
    His anti-gay, anti-minority stance is troubling to me. Continually marginalizing people only leads to worse problems down the line.

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