Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Crossroads Seem to Come and Go, The Gypsy Flies From Coast to Coast

As work has gotten increasingly busy, I’ve had less time during the day to think about my favorite topic: me. I was driving home Friday after having spent another day out of my office working elsewhere, and I was thinking, “FUCK! I have so much shit to do and I never have time to get it done.” And there it was. That feeling that hits me once every five years where I then change my life in a weekend. The last time this happened, I quit my job, put all my furniture up for sale in the Atlanta Journal Constitution and my ex and I got in the car and drove across the country. Then it happened again on that trip, in line at a Safeway in Frisco Colorado when the cashier couldn’t figure out how to give me cash back. I realized I was selling myself short by not going back to grad school. There were plenty of stupid people in this world. I was capable of contributing more to the world than I had. A couple weeks later, I was accepted to an MBA program. I’m determined. When I decide it is time for change, I’m usually instituting that change within 15 minutes. And it is usually extreme.

So I went home Friday and crashed, knowing that if this was anything like times past, it was going to be a long weekend. I slept Friday from 7 p.m. until Saturday at 10:30 a.m. I woke up, checked the phone, saw Sherlock had tried to check in with me, then he called as I was about to call him back.

Sherlock: The dogs haven’t been out since you got home from work last night?
Velvet: No. And I’m still in bed.
Sherlock: Okay. I’m coming over and I’ll take them out.
Velvet: Thanks. I can’t leave the house today.

I basically assessed that I have a few issues here. The first is that I don’t have enough free time to do the things I need to do. The second is that the things I need to do, like laundry, trump the secondary projects like spring cleaning. First thing was to dedicate the weekend to making the major secondary project of cleaning out my house into a primary project. Second thing, to come later, was to reassess where my personal time goes and why I can’t get these things done.

Sherlock did as promised, and took the dogs to the park for an hour and a half. When he, Sammy and Thora walked back in, all three of them were like, “What the fuck!”

I had everything out of every closet and it was all over the house. I am not a packrat. But those damn boxes my parents brought tipped my delicate balance of useful stuff vs. non-useful stuff totally off kilter.

Sherlock: Holy shit. Can I help you?
Velvet: Yes. Take a picture of the sewing machine for me so I can list it for sale.

I resumed managing mass exodus of things from my closets. Buh-bye Kappa Kappa Gamma shirts. Buh-bye Almost Famous movie poster. Buh-bye fabric I will never use to sew cute things because I’m selling the sewing machine in about five minutes.

Sherlock: I’m done. What’s next.
Velvet: Find a picture of my Harley somewhere and list that for sale too.
Sherlock: Are you fucking kidding me? Please say you are kidding.
Velvet: No. I’m not. Get rid of it.
Sherlock: Well, I’m glad you are throwing all this stuff away, but the Harley?
Velvet: Sell it. Sell everything. Sammy and Thora better hold on for dear life or they are in danger of getting sold too.
Sammy: Fuck you bitch.
Thora: We need our own apartment Sammy.

Magazines and books – gone. Clothes and shoes – ready to donate. Pile of totally useless crap no one wants – sitting on the sidewalk in front of my building with a sign marked FREE on it.

Sherlock: Are you sure you don’t want to do what the Fencer suggested and have a “Buy Velvet’s stuff auction?”
Velvet: No. None of this stuff is any good. Pitch it.
Sherlock: You are kicking ass. Is this bag of trash ready to get tossed?
Velvet: Yes.
Sherlock: What’s next?
Velvet: I have to go through my tapes, (yessss cassette tapes,) and see what I have in there that I can just download online and then toss the tapes.

I sat down on the floor at 4 p.m. with three dozen tapes and the tape player, made lists of what I wanted to download, then pitched the tapes out. The walk down memory lane really slowed the process. I didn’t finish until after midnight. I can’t believe how many mix tapes I had. “Velvet’s Awesome Eighties Mix,” “Freshman Year in the Keys,” “We’re Seniors! YAY!” A sample. Name that tune!

We could fuck until the dawn, making love till cherry’s gone. (mmm hmmm…)
Just hit the east side of the LBC. (one of the greatest sampled songs ever.)
I used to love to make you cry, it made me feel like a man inside. (love this song!)
In 65, I was 17, and running up 101. (good for the treadmill)
Last time that we had this conversation, I decided we should be friends. (I know..)
Tonight’s the night we’ll make history. (Aww!)
If you wanna see me try a beeper number baby when you need me. (Sniff sniff.)
You’re the fastest runner but you’re not allowed to win. (8th grade. Solid.)
Cause you give me a good vibe doncha know baby. (makes me wanna dance.)
If it’s good I’ll call her everyday, got your number off the bathroom wall. (LOVE this band.)
Don’t forget it’s me who put you where you are now, and I can put you back now too. (who doesn’t know the words to this?)
G’s up hoes down while ya motherfuckers bounce to this. (Baliff? Take him away.)
He brought the woman out of me, so many times, easily. (whore!)

    I finally went to bed after midnight. I think Sherlock learned that when I get in these moods to clean, I am unstoppable. Anything not nailed down goes down the trash chute. I am the only one in my family who does not suffer from packus rattis-itis. Growing up around stacks of crap made me want to always have clean tabletops and a minimum of crap. And when the crap starts to explode from the one or two closets where it is currently living, then it all must go.

    The “Organize my Life” campaign is in full force. Since my free time is at a minimum these days, I started plotting. The one thought I kept coming back to was “What the fuck am I doing? I spend so much time online between work and the blog crap.” Now I have an action plan. It’s started with the decluttering of my life in the way of physical possessions, now it moved to decluttering my free time from distractions. Sayonora Comcast! I’m tired of paying you $100 a month for spotty service at best. In addition to the entertainment distractions you provide, I spend too much time on the phone with you every month, and that’s a time suck. See ya later Netflix, you are eating all my free time because I feel compelled in the Velvet-family-fashion to get my “money’s worth” and watch the movies and return asap. I cannot participate in a plan that says, “Keep them as long as you want!” I know their business model relies on me keeping them forever. It makes me want to dispose those movies immediately after the 100 minutes it takes them to play.

    I’m officially working on a major investment project that will require a lot of research on my end as well as a personal project that also requires my attention. In addition to that, I have to pay attention to Sherlock so he won’t dump me, and I’m growing really private in our relationship. I want to write less about the personal things between us and frankly, I don’t really want to write about anything else here either. It is time to close that window into my life. So, I’m effectively reducing my blogging endeavors.*

      * The Fine Print:
      I have always been 100% honest. Trust me, this blogging slowdown has nothing to do with the current rage of outing bloggers by name and employer or “people” commenting as me with my real name – even though that behavior is unbelievably despicable. It has everything to do with me reclaiming my personal time and reallocating it to things that matter: my dogs, my boyfriend and my two projects. In that order. HA!


    1. Red

      I’m exhausted after reading that.
      Come do my place next.

    2. JoJo

      Wow, Velvet. You’ve done what I’m attempting to do right now. I’ve finished 8 (yes, 8) loads of laundry and am now in the process of cleaning out my closet. You’re my inspiration!

    3. 6s&7s

      I need that inspiration in my whole life, not just the closet. Come whip my ass.

      And if anyone gets Tater and Tora it’s ME!I wish I could take the Harley but you’d have to give me lessons.

      I’m glad that Sherlock made the top 4, but don’t forget about the drunken dolls that like to spend time with you too. i wanna be a project…I need to be someone’s project (besides the DEA’s).

      I’m a good thrower-outer too so I can help anytime!

    4. KassyK

      Oh you know I feel you on this one…I get in those cleaning modes (my OCD and all) and cannot stop. And not only can I not stop, I have to do EVERYTHING…no distractions–go go go, sorting, cleaning, organizing…Perfectly written.

      Honey…I am so proud of you for doing all this and decluttering your life so that you can actually enjoy the finer points of life.

    5. Velvet

      Sixes and Sevens – Did you walk by my building? HA! Some lucky pedestrian is gonna be the proud new owner of a Kappa Kappa Gamma shot glass and some old “cassingles” if you don’t hurry!

    6. Patsy

      Kappa Kappa Gamma!?

    7. Velvet

      YES Patsy. I’ll have you know two things though. First, I promptly resigned when I learned the new meaning of “southern belle” was really “get sloppy drunk and definitely fuck him but you should leave in the middle of the night instead of when the sun comes up because ‘we’re KAPPAS’ and ‘no one can know we have sex.'” Second, the KKG shot glasses seem to be gone from my Free Bag of Crap sitting on the street. So someone is having fun right now.

    8. E :)

      I hope the blog’s not going to be completely shut down… Sigh.

      I’ve thrown out so much stuff when I got back from DC (condensing an entire apartment into one room sucks) and still have a way to go. I have so much crap and no time to figure anything out which sucks. I need a long weekend.

    9. circumlocutor

      I had a good time this weekend burning in the fireplace stacks of paper I’ve been hanging on to for years. I also spent 36 hours debating the best way — color, shape, texture — to change a lamp shade. The lamp shade has been changed and my life is anew. You should try it.

    10. barbara

      NO! By all means, don’t sell the sewing machine. You may need it to make small clothes and many Halloween costumes some day.

    11. Velvet

      My mom just claimed it Barbara. This fulfills two of my long standing family theories:

      First, they are such packrats that they can’t allow me to give anything away, thereby saving the sewing machine from it’s doom.

      Second, the sewing machine is destined to end up at my doorstep in about 4 years. “Remember this? It’s your sewing machine! You asked us to hold it for you, well, I know you’re in labor and that they are about to cut you open because your child is stuck in the birth canal, but would you mind taking this off our hands? NO??? Your father and I are going to Florida for the winter and we’re tired of having to house all your junk!” Mark. My. Words.

    12. circumlocutor

      I feel it is my duty to give an update to my previous comment. I’ve decided I like my old lamp shade better. Oh well…

    13. p

      Of course I know all the old hip hop ones; I grew up on all that…
      Regulator by Warren G and Nate Dogg
      I Get around by 2Pac, and
      Gin and Juice by Snoop.

    14. Nicky

      Good work. Keep it up, all of it. I’ll look forward to whatever updates you want to give. I’ve been doing some decluttering of my own and it frees up so much energy. Hooray.

    15. Melly Mel

      Holy shit! Lose track for a little bit (remember I work for the same busy ass company you do) and come back to this! Give me a call!

    16. Velvet

      Melly Mel – I’ll try to remember to hop on IM tomorrow. And to add insult to injury – they may make me commute up to your office! EEK! I’m mentally preparing for that, though in all my visual preparations, my car stops short at 495 and won’t drive any further.

    17. barbara

      I would have offered if your mom hadn’t beat me to it. Take it from me, you WILL need that sewing machine some day. But I think they might wait until you are suffering post partem depression to dump it back on your doorstep.

    18. bejeweled

      You’ve just done what I’m about ready to do… and that goes for the blog as well. Good luck to ya babe!

    19. Not So Little Woman

      I think there are cycles to everything. One such cycle is the blog cycle. If you need to back away, do it. Our lives are -despite all evidence to the contrary- more than our blogs.

      And congrats on the spring cleaning. I’m a lot like that. When I start cleaning and organizing, move over or you’ll be wiped down and vaccuumed. Of course, you may also be thrown out.

    20. Wicked H

      Good for you. The plan is made and you are making the effort to stick with it. Although of course you’ll be missed here, I am very impressed with your drive.

      Bravo! Standing O!!

    21. Joanna

      Nice blog!
      I’m Polish girl and I like to read all that’s kind of problem’s what you are writting about. It’s making me feel better. So do it as well as you do 🙂 It is SO interesting for me, couse it’s like a real crup…

      Jestem z Polski i lubiÄ™ czytać o takich problemach, o jakich piszesz. PoprawiajÄ… mi humor. WiÄ™c rób tak dalej jak robisz 🙂 To dla mnie bardzo ciekawe bo to naprawdÄ™ pierdoÅ‚y.

    22. Phil

      My parents moved recently, and we had 60 trash bags of junk, two dumpsters full, and two full trucks of junk hauled away.

      You are doing the right thing.

    23. Carrie

      let me know when i can hire you to boss me around and do the same thing in my apartment!

      you know if you need anything, i’m here. 🙂 but don’t leave the blog world totally! you are way too talented and funny of a writer (such bad grammar there) to leave us totally.

    24. The Captain

      Was one of those The Four Seasons? Working my Way Back to You? Great song.

    25. freckledk

      Call me if you ever get rid of any furniture or wall art. I’m always shopping for that sort of thing.

    26. Velvet

      FreckledK – The entertainment center from Pier 1 and the matching stereo case are next on the chopping block. The rest of my furniture I think I’m keeping.

      Capt – Yep, there are many versions of that song. The Frankie Valli is the worst. I prefer the Spinners version.

      Phil – As my brother says, “We have to do it now in dribs and drabs or we have to do it when they are gone. I’d rather do it now.”

      Carrie – This is the case of me waking up two weeks ago and realizing how blissfully happy I was. The fact that I had no more drama to contend with naturally meant I had to find trouble by way of a new project. We talked about one of them the other day. I’m still gung ho on that one.

    27. 6s&7s

      I want that entertainment center. MINE. FIGHT TO THE DEATH….that IS if we can get it into my apartment….I plan on hiding in it like I am going to narnia!

    28. Nominees Announced

      This week’s nominees for BEST DC Blog have been announced!

    29. oi

      ahem. just so you know, it’s “we can FUNK until the dawn,” or at least that’s what he says when it’s on the radio. but my favorite line is “everytime i comb my hair, thoughts of u get in my eyes.” classic royal badness.

    30. Carrie

      i went out and did a little research on that project myself today, in the way that you did yours after lunch the other day. very interesting; we’ll have to compare notes. and seriously, i’m glad you’re so happy. 🙂

    31. Scarlet

      I bet you were like a tornado that day!

    32. freckledk

      I called it first, 6’s & 7’s. You snooze, you lose!

    33. Tyler

      Are you really selling the Harley??? 🙁

    34. AussieEm

      Aww, so I guess this means I’ll have to start re-reading the archives to get my daily dose of da damsel in dupont. *sigh*

      Good for you though. As I may have said before, you need to put YOU first. Bravo!

    35. Reya Mellicker

      I’ve been in a cleaning frenzy, too. Spring must be right around the corner!

    36. Melly Mel

      BRING IT ON SISTER! I look forward to it. 🙂

    37. upstairs neighbor

      the “The Gypsy Flies From Coast to Coast” part of the title got me a little excited, thought i might get some company on the left coast… oh well.

      the harley huh? good call, but i’m biased. if that credenza goes up for grabs i’m coming out with a u-haul.

    38. EJ Takes Life

      What is it about being crazy busy that makes women want to clean and organize? I’m the same way– coming home at the end of a hideous day at work, I often get the unstoppable urge to do something insane like bleach all the knobs on my oven or scrub the shower with an old toothbrush.

    39. Meghan

      I hate being late to the party.
      FIRST – LOVE, love, LOVE all the songs you sampled. OMG.
      SECOND – Good for you! Be private. Take time. And I wish I had your willpower to clean my stuff out.

    40. Texpundit

      “If its good Ill call her everyday, got your number off the bathroom wall.”

      If I remember correctly, that’s “Bathroom Wall” from Faster Pussycat…or maybe I’m just old. 😉

      And the G’s up, hoes down…..ODB? (I’m not much into rap and can’t stand what they call R&B nowdays. Give me Sly & the Family Stone any day.)

      BTW, where the hell is everyone? Velvet’s up for Best DC Blog and has 0% votes?!?

      C’mon people!

    41. Velvet

      HAHAHAHA! Texpundit you just cracked me up!! I LOVE Faster Pussycat. Every so often Jack FM plays “House of Pain” and it just takes me back to the days of lusting after the lead singer – Taime Downe. Yum yum. Bleached out hair and 100’s of tattoos. That was my ideal man in high school.

      G’s up hoes down is Snoop Dogg.

      That Best DC Blog thing is hilarious. I like how Roxy Chanel McPink installed the code on her site last week – OMG!!!

    42. Dupont

      Velvet- to parrot others – you’re awesome! And an inspiration… luckily for me the Spring Cleaning won’t be so bad this year. But good luck on the Blogging Scale Back and be sure to pop in and let us know how things are every so often!

    43. Roxy Chanel McPink

      Get Free Opinion Polls

    44. Roxy Chanel McPink

      Damn it. It didn’t work. I was trying to install this week’s poll on YOURS!!!

    45. Michelle

      Um, I just started reading again and you’re going on blog-vacay? What the fuck? I’m not letting W read your entry, he’ll totally start tossing Lulu out with the things we suddenly “don’t need” like TV, the bed, all our towels. He’ll decide chairs are over-rated and we should eat all meals picnic style.

      One last thing: dude, totally drop your laundry off at the fluff and fold. $1.50 or less per pound and they return it to you FOLDED.

    46. Texpundit


      Glad I could make your day. 🙂 I was a huge FP fan back in the day. Also, Taime has had some other projects since the early FP days, including the Newlydeads (gothy industrial rock stuff) and has actually reformed FP with some of the Newlydeads members. The new FP stuff is more industrial, though.

      And I didn’t even know the Best DC Blogs thing existed until I caught a referrer from them. Apparently, they had me in their blogroll even before I got nominated for last week’s contest. I put the poll on my blog as well, but I don’t think it helped. I still came in 4th. Not too shabby for a relative unknown, though. 😉

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