First, that fucking Ninja tagged me for a god damned MEME. Why do they call them that? Anyway, it’s “Five Weird Things About Me.” Fine. This is going to be quick because I’m busy!
1) When Sammy and Thora lose a whisker and I find it in the house, I save it. Shut up. I’m a freak. Might I remind you this is the “Five weird things about me” list not the “why I should be poster child for normal” list.
2) I have a Harley but I’m afraid to go faster than 55 m.p.h. I’m planning on selling it.
3) Yesterday was just one of many days where I had a lengthy and detailed discussion with my boss, one of the highest ranking VP’s in our company, about vibrators, waxing and orgasms. Anyone who thinks that my company finding out I have a blog would be detrimental for my career should reread that previous sentence a few times. If we sit around and discuss that stuff, no one is going to care that I write a blog. And most of them know anyway.
4) I’ve been manhandled and thrown out of a strip bar for taking pictures of Brianna Banks, best porn star ever.
5) I won’t let anyone sleep in my bed unless they have showered. In college, if I hooked up and a guy tried to stay in my bed with me, and he was all sweaty and drunk, I would sleep in the chair until he sobered enough for me to kick him out. Then I would strip the bed, put clean sheets on, shower, and go to sleep.
Don’t tag me again or I’ll beat you senseless, even if I have to come to the Cheights and risk my personal safety to do it.
Second, I’ve been nominated for some contest for Best Blog. I guess I’m supposed to campaign, but like Millhouse says on the Simpsons, “My mom says I’m the best!”