Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Tales From Greece: Part 1 ~ Athens

I’m not one of those day by day, recap of every excruciating detail of my travels kind of girl. I hate that as much as I hate looking at someone else’s vacation photos where they tell you every single detail from over your shoulder (“Cousin Bob was just outside this shot, it was so funny, he was tying his shoe!”) God damn is that boring. So this will be a bit unconventional.

First. Borf is alive and well in Athens.


That sign behind shows how you would spell “Athens” or as it is known in Greece, “Athina.” The letter after the “A” is the Theta, so that stands in for the “th” part. And the “H” is really an “I.” Fucking confusing. Just use the regular alphabet you damn Greeks. Turkey does. (Oops. My grandparents just rolled over in their graves.) Anyway, here’s another:


Borf made it to the Plaka district of Athens. Well done.

Second, look at this kid. It was very hard to get these pictures. We were in the National Archaeological Museum in Athens. My brother and I saw him and had this conversation about how people predispose their kids to being gay when they dress them like this.


It’s a boy by the way. In a sleeveless nipple shirt, short shorts and sandals. Jesus Christ.


Sorry they are so blurry, but when you are stalking a kid through a museum in a foreign country to take a picture of him, you sort of feel like a pedophile and you just want to get the hell out of dodge as fast as you can. Trust me. You don’t want to find yourself in a Greek jail having to explain yourself, because there is just no translation for “I have a blog in the United States and I want to post his picture on it so we can play gay or European!”

Third, here’s the Acropolis. Sorry about the scaffolding. They’re trying to save it or some crap.


That’s Athens. I was told it was a two-day city. I was told correctly. After five days there, we were ready to leave. I was thinking in my head, “If the islands don’t shape up any better, I’ll renounce my heritage and become Italian and somehow investigate changing the big old honking Greek Flag tattoo on my back.” The next morning, my brother announces at breakfast:

“If the islands aren’t nicer than this shit pit, I’m going to become Italian.” I wondered if I said that out loud or if we had just spent too much time in a hotel room together at this point.

Finally, I learned that in Athens, picking your nose in public is not disgusting. I saw shopkeepers, moped riders, pedestrians, cabbies – all with finger jammed in nose, digging for gold. I’m going to give this a test run in Dupont. I’ll let you know how it works out for me.



  1. KassyK

    When my sisters and I were in Israel together for 10 days we started literally reading each others minds. Its partly amusing and partly terrifying.

    Safe travels girl. 🙂

  2. Hammer

    Many moons ago, I stayed in Athens for 2 days, which ended up being about 1 day too long. A few days later the ferry boat workers went on strike while I was on Santorini, and I was “stranded” there for a couple weeks.

    It was glorious.

  3. Johnny DC

    Is this the part where you tell us how you met some Greek sailors but they wouldn’t “board your ship” cuz they liked their own…

    You know what I’m sayin! muhaha!

  4. MA

    I haven’t been there in so long, but I think that I’d rather live there than visit. And my god, you and your brother are funny.

  5. homeimprovementninja

    Yeah, I can’t stand the “travellers” who give the play-by-play of their entire itinerary either. It’s great to enjoy travelling, but I think some people deify it because it makes them seem more interesting than they are. They can talk about backpacking for six months because without anecdotes, they would be just some pathetic douche with no personality.

  6. Patsy

    Well, at least I can cross that country off of my “to visit” list. Thank you!

    Now, go visit Japan, China, Bali, Croatia, and Estonia and get back to me on those 🙂

  7. Kathryn

    Hope you are enjoying the travels and the free time; looks fantastic.

    One quick item – that greek letter is theta, not phi. Hence the “th” sound. See, sororities *are* good for something!

  8. John

    The great thing about Athens is that it makes the rest of one’s trip sooo much better by comparison. Athens is by far the dirtiest, grossest, most-mustached-women, most-air-conditioning-wall-units-sticking-out-of-office-buildings-dripping-gross-dirty-condensation-on-you, ugliest cities.

  9. Velvet

    KK – Hopefully you didn’t imitate any of your relatives in your hotel room with your sisters and find out the next morning that you were heard through the walls! Oops.

    Hammer – If it was many moons ago you were in Santorini, I’m sorry to inform you that it has become tourist trap hell, overrun with nasty Americans in their workout suits who walk up to the Kiosks and say, “how much is dis watah?” No attempt at all to even ask if the shopkeeper speaks English first. Makes me cringe.

    Johnny – Noooooo. There was no attempt on any of that. Sadly, at final count, I think I saw only two decent looking men and about four decent looking women. Besides, I’m saving myself for you!

    MA – All my parents kept saying is how changed Athens was, so I’m not sure how you would like it now though.

    Ninja – It is why when I look at someone’s vacation pics, I speed through while they are off in the loo or pouring drinks.

    Patsy – I’ve seen enough. I put my passport through the shredder. I prefer to spend my spare time in Wyoming now. And those countries you list? Zero interest in any of them.

    Kathryn – You are right. Phi goes the other way. Not sure how I didn’t catch that AFTER I wrote that it stands for the “th,” but, unfortunately, I’m still 7 hours ahead – making my body clock time of posting somewhere around 4 a.m.

    John – Well, the fires limited other travel, but there were islands involved. I’m working on those posts this week. Overall, I didn’t find the city as oppressively hot as everyone else though – I think the DC humidity has conditioned me to accept the absolute worst in weather. And the only mustache I saw was actually on a Russian lady at our hotel. I figured there would be more, but I didn’t spot any.

  10. jordanbaker

    European children are tragically dressed, but so damned well behaved. The six year old son of some German friends is constantly strapped into sandals that resemble ones I wore in the ’70’s. . .but he holds the door for me, so I forgive him the shoes.

  11. suicide_blond know me..i only want to see vacation pics of hookers and blow…or tiny dogs and children dressed like gay europeans…

  12. Arjewtino

    I am ignorant when it comes to “fashion ‘n’ shit”. What is a nipple shirt?

  13. Velvet

    JB – I do think this kid was German. I should have tried to get him to hold the door for me or pour my drink.

    SB – Pictures of hookers and blow – wouldn’t it be better to see the real thing though? If so….look out your window….

    Arjewtino – It is definitely a term I made up, in lieu of trying to remember the real word to describe the shirts the metros wear that are skin tight.

  14. barbara

    Oh dear, this does not bode well for our Greek vacation planned for next September. Maybe we need to do the Amalfi coast after all. I thought Greece was supposed to be the closest thing to paradise. Fortunately we haven’t bought the tickets yet!

    I can only hope the islands pick up a bit…

  15. Ulysses

    Hey, if you’ve got the nose for it: maybe there’s something Lamarkian about it.
    Better than some of the public habits in Paris; when it rains there’s no knowing what puddle you’re stepping in

  16. Drunken Chud

    “Finally, I learned that in Athens, picking your nose in public is not disgusting. I saw shopkeepers, moped riders, pedestrians, cabbies – all with finger jammed in nose, digging for gold.”

    well, when you factor in the size of greek noses, i would think that this should in fact be commonplace due to the overwhelming amount of boogers that would be in a honker that size. hehehehe.

  17. Velvet

    Barbara – We can discuss islands tomorrow. But Athens? Ugh. No. The thing is this: If Greece was the closest thing to paradise, my grandparents wouldn’t have hauled ass out of there, legal or not.

    Ulysses – I’m really going to give it a shot. Just jam my hand in my nose and see what the reaction is.

    Chud – Here’s why there’s so much snot in the noses – the city is dirty!!! I kept saying the whole time, “Are your noses making an inordinate amount of snot or is it just me?” It’s the dirt, and probably the ash from the fires. Thankfully I did not get the Greek nose…I don’t know how, but I didn’t. I don’t know whose nose I have, because truth be told, it looks nothing like my mom or dad. Hmm…

  18. WildbillthePirate

    No one else will say it so I will: Hooray for Borf!!! That Motha gets Around!

  19. Ulysses

    I’m not sure, it could be a trap (your offer that is, not your nose)

  20. MappyB

    You know, I’ve heard that about Athens – I think the islands are much better (from what I’ve heard). Clearly I don’t get out much! 🙂 Glad you’re having a fun trip though, and I LOVE the stalker photos!

  21. Red

    Greece is on my list of places I want to go. I hear it is so beautiful.

    Can’t wait to see who you stalk next.

  22. Anonymous

    Kathryn leaves a comment only when she wants to correct you. Some things never change, do they.

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