Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Just Remember This My Girl, When You Look Up In the Sky…You Can See the Stars But Still Not See the Light

A tiny bit of my soul was sucked out of me when I realized I may have become the person I never thought I would. Because I just totally, like ohmygod, gag me with a spoon, betrayed the 13 year old in me. You know, the one who I promised I would never become “one of them.”

I remain vehemently opposed to things like myspace. I just don’t get it. I’m sorry. I can’t understand its purpose beyond a ridiculous time-vortex. I maintain a basic profile for the sole purpose of chatting with (read: keeping tabs on) my best friend’s teenage girls. Very specifically, one of them. My friend told me one night on the phone that they had recent pictures on their myspace, so I logged on, created a quickie profile and they added me as a friend. We exchanged comments and I (again! Where does this come from? Sometimes I make myself sick!) told them things like “Get the best grades you can.” They respond that they are trying but…blah blah…boys…blah blah and I’m like, “Trust me, get the best grades you can. Plenty of people will want to tell you that ‘You can’t.’ Don’t let them have another reason to weed you out of whatever it is you want. Get good grades!” I check up on them every now and again to make sure they are behaving. The girls are ridiculously beautiful for 12 and 13. Seriously. I’m not just saying that. Like people say how cute their own babies are. No. No. No. These girls are fucking mega hot.

So, one of them is not behaving. She is not even close to behaving. She is 13 going on 24 with full makeup and dressing like Christina Aguilera in that brief but horrifying time between the innocent “Genie in a Bottle” and the classy “Ain’t No Other Man.” For someone whose theme song is “Girls Girls Girls,” the half naked female doesn’t shock me. But when the half naked female is my friend’s daughter? Oh. Oh. Not good.

Here’s the email I sent:

Dear Friend,

Hey. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but “13 year old’s” myspace profile seems to include pictures of her in a bra and undies. Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing? You will need to log in to see because she blocks non friends. Here’s my id and password. Call me if you need me to walk you through it.

She replied with: “FUCK! I’m having A LOT of problems with her.”

I replied with, “Oh my god I’m a tattletale.”

Within minutes the entire myspace profile came down. What have I become? I know I did the right thing. I know I did. But that 13 year old inside of me who is spinning the Cutting Crew’s “I Just Died In Your Arms” on a 45 record, passing time until Friday night so she can drool over Don Johnson in Miami Vice is pissed off. Real pissed off. And I don’t know if she will ever forgive me.


  1. KassyK

    I had a similar situation…nothing that provocative in terms of imagery BUT I found out a friends sibling was claiming to be 14…and she is TEN on myspace.

    Then there are cutest pics of an innocent girl in normal kid clothes with weird comments like “O M G GIRL YOU ARE SO HOT!!”

    Because of the sheer grossness of it all, I had to get in touch with my friend…and I hated myself as I did it.

    Esp because I AM someone that loves these sites. I am a facebooker bc the creepiness factor is WAY lower but I have a myspace and friendster account…I couldn’t be in my 20s and a blogger and not be part of the internet movement.

    Right? Right? Tell me I’m right.


    Hey, sometimes safety comes before coolness. There, I said it. Good for you. Seriously. The internet is a breeding ground for predators (ick I know cliche saying) and you are just being safe with somenone you care about.

  2. MuskegoJeff

    You did the right thing. There are too many sick-o’s out there looking for girls like that. Consider how you’d feel if something happened to her and you hadn’t stepped in with this information. Sometimes being the adult sucks.

  3. SweetEscape

    It’s tough being an adult huh? You did the right thing and trust me, 13 year old won’t even remember this when she’s old enough to actually appreciate you and your friendship to her and her mother.

  4. I-66

    I almost got completely sidetracked at mention of Cutting Crew.


    I become more and more like my parents on a daily basis. I would’ve done the same thing in your shoes.

  5. homeimprovementninja

    Wow. You Narc’d! I’m gonna totally hide my bong and stash of hydroponic when you come over.

  6. Inowpronounceyou

    IN the long run, you did the right thing. Yeah it sucks to feel like you ratted her out, but ultimately you were being her friend.

  7. suicide_blond did the right thing…and dont worry..i dont thing you’ve changed much since cool now.. 13yr old “nudie” pix…have never been cool…

  8. Momentary Academic

    You absolutely did the right thing. I think that you are a terrific person for saying anything. Too many people are afraid to tell their friends when they are worried about their children I would imagine.

    You’re awesome.

  9. allez

    You’ll be a helluva mom. She will thank you 10 years from now. Its harder to be a kid or a parent now, isn’t it?

  10. John

    Can she put new newdie pics up in like 10 years? Pleeeeeze?

    After she’s gotten 10 years of good grades, of course….

  11. Arjewtino

    I do the same thing to my cousin’s daughter on Facebook. And I’d turn her in in a second.

  12. wildbill

    I think you did the Right Thing for the Right Reasons. Unlike your 13 year old self, you now Know the kind of evil Knuckleheads,Losers & Low Lifs out there and to protect your Friends kids is only natural. That kind of message is only going to get misinterpeted.
    I think we can both agree that she was trying out her independence, to do what she felt like. She hasn’t yet learned that along with Freedom comes Responsibility. That, you, as her “auntie” can teach her. Bravo!

  13. Patsy

    Well if all you’re going to do is be a big tattletale, I’m not going to invite you to be my myspace friend. Nyah!

    j/k Please be my friend!!

  14. FreckledK

    You had a myspace profile for a brief moment there and you took it down. Why don’t you share that story with these nice people? I also remember the frantic phone call that prompted you taking it down.

  15. Velvet

    KK – I’ve never even BEEN on Facebook. You got me into LNS and I never logged back in to that either. I don’t know why, I guess I just don’t need another time suck. There’s so much stuff to read online and off, that if I get sucked into these things then next thing I know it’s like three days later.


    SweetEscape – They used to consider me “mom’s cool friend…” wonder if they revised that.

    I66 – Ohhh aaaah…I just died in your arms tonight…musta been something you said…I just died in your arms tonight….

    Ninja – You own no such paraphernalia! I’d come over more if you did.

    INPY – Thanks.

    SB – I was NEVER a cool 13 year old.

    MA – OH, the bra and undies..I couldn’t NOT say something.

    Allez – No kids! I have my hands full and wallet empty with Ms. Thora!

    John – You dirty dirty dirty man who is in HR and should know better!!!

    Arjewtino – So she hasn’t put up the bra and undies pics yet? That’s good.

    Wild Bill – Ugh. My nieces are 1 and 2. That is going to be much worse, because I want to encourage all evil in the world, but my brother and sister in law are WAY zipped up.

    Patsy – There’s nothing on my myspace. Just a picture of me riding a bull in TexaSSSS! HA!

    FreckledK – Shut. Up. You. Just because YOU convinced me that myspace was sooooo wonderful and I tried and had you and what’s his name as my friends – whose that guy you “get” with your profile – Dan? Tom? And then, I utilized its powers for evil, not good. Evil as in stalking an enemy. And so what if I accidently sent her a friend request….

  16. KassyK

    Yea I am on like 40 sites but I only use facebook…the rest were put up a year or so ago and just still there…but nothing really in there anymore.

    facebook is fun. 🙂

  17. nato

    Sounds like you did the right thing. I joined MySpace a year or two ago to help my computer-illiterate, reality-ignorant mother-in-law keep tabs on a wayward daughter, so I too know what it’s like to be a MySpace narc. Good times. I think I logged in a month or two ago. And I only use Facebook to play Scrabulous with my hot lesbian friend in Miami.

  18. playfulinnc

    totally the right thing. Someone tattled on me at 15 when I was wearing an off the shoulder dress to a band function, so this is absolutely valid.

    You may have saved her life.

  19. Valley Girl

    You did the right thing. Jesus, kids these days. They grow up so fast.

    Btw, I don’t have a myspace, but I do have a funny story about it on my blog:

  20. barbara

    Does she know it was “Aunt Velvet” who pulled the plug? Hopefully your friend didn’t disclose her source of info.

  21. Not So Little Woman

    You did the right thing. One day she will thank you. Trust me.

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