Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

All the Roads We Have To Walk Are Winding, All the Lights That Lead Us There Are Blinding

Ten years ago tonight I made one of those seemingly insignificant decisions that changed my entire life.

I had gone out to dinner with my parents and godparents in New York City. When we returned to our house, I stood at the foot of the stairs, trying to decide if I should go to bed or get on the computer. Back then, there was only dial up, which tied up the phone lines. I liked to use the internet at off peak times. 11 p.m. seemed like off peak enough.

The internet was so painfully young then. I can remember searching for some basic words and coming up with nothing at all. I tried “sex club new york city” and got zip. Today? Over 23 million.

Chatting was somewhere between infancy and toddlerhood, having already gained a bad rap when some girl was lured to a guys house and he raped her. But there was only one of those cases that I had heard of at that time.

I hopped into a chat room as Velvet (ha!) and off I went. Mostly it was people who were new and thought it was so cool you could talk in real time. Some guy started talking to me. We moved around to a couple rooms and tortured some people. We went off to a private chat. We went back to torture some more unsuspecting souls. I found myself with a pretty perfect “chat buddy.” A trouble-making derelict like myself who enjoyed a bit of humor.

When the sun came up I realized I had to go to work. Where had the last seven hours gone? Anyway, we made plans to meet in the room again, not that evening as it was New Years Eve, but the following evening.

Three weeks later I was on a plane to Atlanta to meet him.

Nine months later he was in a truck to New York to help me move down to Atlanta.

At our second and fourth anniversaries, we faltered a bit. On our sixth anniversary, we had grown so far apart it seemed there would be no mending. On our seventh anniversary, no longer together, we weren’t even speaking. Nor would we speak for the eighth or ninth. But shortly after our ninth anniversary of the day we met, we got in contact again and remain, to this day, in communication.

While we are on different paths and there will not be another opportunity for us in a romantic capacity, that man was my first love. We went through hell and back together. He was such an amazing and powerful first love that three years after our breakup, a series of dreams starring the two of us forced me to admit that my then-relationship, which was headed toward marriage, was seriously wrong. Even when he wasn’t in my life, he was still saving my ass from disaster. We remain friends and to this day don’t hang up the phone without saying, “I love you.”

For K… ten years. You set the bar high. I will always love you.


  1. Ulysses

    This connects well with your earlier post, about whether to have loved…
    I wonder if any of your never-loved friends have ever had that feeling of every-part-of-them-is-alright, even if it comes with insurmountable obstacles…

  2. Drunken Chud

    baby, just imagine the the affect i’ll have you for the next ten years.

    shit, wait, is that a good thing or a bad thing? (re-reads)… i stand by my previous statement.

  3. James in Washington (& Maine)

    Great story. Thanks for sharing and Happy New Year.

  4. freckledk

    He’s a great friend to you AND is responsible for bringing one of your greatest loves into your life. I hope that your friendship with him lasts a lifetime, and I have a feeling it will.

    Happy New Year!

  5. Michael Hutchence

    I told you
    That we could fly
    ‘Cause we all have wings
    But some of us don’t know why

    I was standing
    You were there
    Two worlds collided
    And they could never ever tear us apart

  6. suicide_blond

    there is no rule that great loves cant be great friends..and thank goodness for that…
    happy new year sugar!!!

  7. barbara

    First loves leave the equivalent of a chip planted in your brain, heart, and soul forever. You can always close your eyes and remember the good times, while reminding yourself why it wasn’t right for forever. I have one too that I’m unable to find. I have tried and tried and wonder if in fact he may not be alive any longer. He always did live life on a fast track.

    I’m glad you can now count K as a friend for life.

  8. momentaryacademic

    Wow. What a great story. Have a terrific new year!

  9. homeimprovementninja

    So you’re saying that you’ve been on the internet since before the crazies showed up?

    Maybe that’s why you’re reluctant to cede cyberspace to the douche hordes?

  10. JohnnyDC

    My first love was Briana Banks and I still love her.

  11. Not So Little Woman

    I love this post. I think we all have a K in our lives, for better or for worse. And didn’t he help you adopt Thora? That’s one more good thing he brought to your life.

    Happy New Year!!

  12. ....K....

    Wow! There’s a flattering story about me on the internet! Never thought that would happen. Anyway, thanks for the nice words, hope you have a great year, and I’ll always love you babe!

  13. I-66


    Where’s Whitney Houston when you need her?

    …and I don’t mean for the drugs.

  14. James, Etta

    Sister, just move on already and get on with the rest of your life. 10 years ago is so, I don’t know, 10 years ago!!!

    Hey, want to go with me to get Botox this weekend? I’ve got two coupons!

  15. johnnypeepers

    I was almost raped trying to hookup online a few years back. I prefer to limit my encounters to coffee shops and erotic literature establishments. Them jokers is dangerous out there.

  16. Lemmonex

    I still talk to my first love regularly. How can you forget the person who defined love for you? Happy New year.

  17. Velvet

    Ulysses – I don’t think so. It’s hard to understand that peace unless you’ve been there, don’t you think?

    Chud – You little tease. I am NOT moving to Detroit. You’ll have to come here!

    James – Thanks!

    FK – It’s a drastic improvement over a couple years ago. But proof that you can be friends with an ex, you just need to take a break from speaking to “right” yourselves, then you can resume.

    Michael Hutchence – Didn’t you kill yourself in Paris? I’d kill myself if I had to go back to Paris too, but still impressive that you can comment on blogs!

    SB – You little heartbreaker, you aren’t friends with your exes because they all still want you!

    Barbara – How goes the googling?

    MA – Thanks! You too. And I know, we’re overdue for a reunion.

    Ninja – Too late. The douches have taken over.

    Johnny – That is an EXCELLENT first love. I approve.

    NSLW – He actually found Thora, or as I like to say, Thora found him and begged him to take her home. Sort of like how I did I guess…

    K – 🙂

    I66 – I’m surprised that comment hasn’t roused her to comment here as well.

    James, Etta – Good lord stop being a bitch or I’ll out your real identity! HA!!! And I don’t believe in Botox. I believe in not having a job or kids that stress you and gives you wrinkles.

    Johnny Peepers – Uh…okay…

    Lemmonex – It’s much better to have them in your life than not, isn’t it?

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