Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Because Sammy and Thora Don’t Want to Hear My One Liners About the RNC Anymore…

Here’s what was going through my head.

  • I love you Rudy Giuliani.
  • Blech. Thanks for mentioning religion as the core of Palin’s small town.
  • That was like a stab in my ribcage.
  • Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. Sarah Palin is hottttt.
  • Mr. X and I are hotter.
  • Can you people with your Sharpie-written signs try harder next time?
  • I recommend Kinkos. Wait. Are they still in business?
  • Palin will help “special needs” kids.
  • Is a pregnant daughter considered “special needs?”
  • Palin’s parents are here.
  • Reminds me of my parents who would be sitting there talking to each other the whole time, asking when the guy was gonna come by with the coffee and snack cart.
  • Thanks a lot mom and dad, I’m the VP nominee and you still don’t listen to me.
  • There’s a lot of cowboy hats there.
  • Mmmm…cowboy hats….
  • I wonder what hair products Palin uses. Her hair looks shiny.
  • God damned it, why won’t they show the pregnant daughter’s belly?
  • That’s really fucking annoying.
  • How far is Alaska? Mapquest!!!
  • Fuck. AL is the abbreviation for ‘bama, not Alaska.
  • 3,620 miles from Dupont Circle.
  • 82 hours of driving.
  • OH shit, that’s only to Juneau. (Juneau took me three tries to get it spelled right.)
  • Um, hello! It’s another 755 miles to Anchorage!
  • What are they chanting? I can’t understand these hillbillies.
  • Why do I live in DC?
  • Oh, because I got kicked out of Atlanta.
  • And I stole that car in Texas so I can’t go back there.
  • Oops. Bet that’d come out when I get elected for VP.
  • And the drinking…
  • And the drugs…
  • “In politics, there are some candidates who use change to promote their careers. And there are some candidates, like John McCain, who use their careers to promote change.”
  • D’oh. Snap! She got them there!
  • I need her speechwriter on my payroll.
  • I don’t have a payroll.
  • I bet her haircut costs more than John Edwards.
  • Hey, there’s a leprechaun here!
  • Oh wait, that’s just Cindy McCain in a really bad color dress.
  • Damn it. I walked out of the room to get a snack and I missed something and now some old guy is crying. Whaddi miss?
  • Was Sarah Palin even alive when McCain was taken hostage?
  • Was Cindy McCain even alive when her future husband was taken hostage?
  • I think Palin’s daughter just jetted out.
  • Someone nudged her and said, “Pregnancy is great birth control! Y’all can’t get pregnant again!”
  • Stupid hillbillies.
  • Palin’s done.
  • Hey! The Cat in the Hat is here!
  • Oh, wait. That’s just the bottom part of the American Flag.
  • Some guy with white hair just came out to kiss the family one by one.
  • Richard Dawson is here!
  • Oh, wait. It’s just John McCain.


  1. lemmonex

    I found it really bizarre when McCain patted the baby on the arm. Was he expecting a dap?

  2. zipcode

    I love love love Rudy – he kicked ass last night! I would so be his fourth wife haha.

  3. Uncle Keith

    For the first time in my entire life, a Vice-President I would do…sorry, Dick Cheney and Al Gore.

  4. Patsy

    I’d totally vote for you BECAUSE you stole a car. We need politicians that can take risks, dammit.

  5. Velvet

    Lemmonex – He was probably afraid to touch it, for fear that it would make that thing on his face get even bigger.

    Zippy – I love him too. Again, I can do without the religion nonsense. I just don’t even believe it coming from him anyway. If he was so holier than thou, there would be a lot less wives and a lot less infidelity. Just sayin. It’s why I’m anti-religion. I couldn’t live up to the standards others would impose on me, so I don’t try.

    Uncle Keith – She is hot. I never thought Gore was hot either, nor did I think that about Clittin. I mean, Clinton.

    Patsy – You were with me!!! We got Chex Mix! That shit was fun!

  6. Drunken Chud

    hahahaha. i didn’t watch it, but i’ll tell you, all the blogger recaps make me feel like i was actually there.

  7. Phil

    Nice recap-

    I thoroughly enjoyed the awkward presence of “the boyfriend” – who must have been sitting there thinking “wow, all I did was bang my girlfriend and now I’m a focal point of the Presidential race and republican convention…who knew teenage fornication could be my ticket to the White House?!”

  8. Uncle Keith

    Every time I saw that kid, I thought, “Now there is that dumb ass who has never heard of a condom before.” Of course, when I was his age, and was lucky enough to score, I never wore a condom either.

  9. Cakes, Baby

    I told you she’s hottt and her husband is hottttt. And her Army son is hotttttt too.

  10. Phil

    Absolutely, UK.

    And if I were Mr. Palin up there at the podium I know I’d be saying “and sitting next to my lovely daughter is my future son-in-law, or ‘numb-nuts’ as I like to call him….”

  11. E

    I think you might have ADHD.

  12. Meghan

    I sooo needed this laugh.
    I about died at the Richard Dawson part.

    Tell me again why Guiliani bailed? *sigh*

  13. Fencer4

    Hows that whole abstinence as birth control thing working? Clearly that’s all they are teachin’ the kids up in the Great White North.

  14. St. Augustine OTB

    Hey V, thought you might enjoy this article:

    Statistics on the lying that men and women do in online dating profiles. Not much that’s surprising, except that men lie as much about their weight as women do, but it’s still interesting to see actual research on it. Short and an easy read…

    -St. A

  15. wildbill

    I can understand that being in Lurve thing and all, but where is 6 & 7’s in all of this? Don’t tell me she’s also Lurve addled.

  16. wildbill

    Where are you Velvie?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2024 Velvet in Dupont

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑