Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Slip of the Tongue

In more shopping news, Mr. X and I hit the “As Seen on TV” store in the always-deserted Georgetown Park Mall. If there is one two things you can count on in DC, it’s that tourists will always fuck up your day and if you go shopping in the Georgetown Park Mall, you will most likely be the only one there.

Mr. X decided to take advantage of the fact that no one was around. He picked up a “massager” from the shelf of the “As Seen on TV” store and put it against my trapper keeper. For a brief moment, I felt sheer ecstasy vibrating through my body.

Me: We must buy that!
Mr. X: You felt that through your jeans?
Me: {smile}

I was so happy that I would be able to “one-up” our girl FreckledK with her high marks for the Hitachi Magic Wand. However, I pass this on to you with a disclaimer:

If you are going to use this:


Make sure you are wearing something thick. Like snowpants.


  1. I-66

    That looks like a dolphin.

    Yeah, I realize a dolphin is a mammal and not a fish, but c’mon, it’s a coincidence.

  2. Jess

    It’s not that you’re the only one at Georgetown Park Mall. It’s that everyone else in the building is standing in line at the damn DMV.

  3. allezoop

    You know, I think this post of yours may finally have gotten me into the Christmas spirit. You’re a Christmas miracle!

  4. suicide_blond

    being between me and Georgetown Park right now…probably wouldnt be a good idea….im on my way… love…


  5. Shannon

    Trapper Keeper? It has Velcro?

    Come to think of it, if we all had Velcro closures for our naughty bits, the world might be a more peaceful place. Or, a really uptight place.

  6. Phil

    A lesson for all of you: think twice about handling certain store items.

    I like to try on socks at the mall, except I do it differently than most people…..

  7. Velvet

    I66 – Funny…that’s what they call it. The Dolphin. There was even a dolphin stuffed animal by all the, ahem, “massagers.”

    Jess – The first time I went to that DMV, it was empty. Of course, it was before the big renovation.

    Allezoop – I try, I try.

    Blond – Wear Snowpants!!

    Shannon – Trapper Keeper is just so retro. Kind of like pubic hair. Though I don’t have any pubes, and come to think of it, I never had a Trapper Keeper either…

    Phil – You dirty dirty dirty boy! I love it!!

  8. Maxie

    Everytime I go to Bed Bath and Beyond with my best friend he tries out all of the massagers on his crotch (over the pants of course)… I always feel bad for the people who try them out after him. I’ll have to let him know he’s not the only one- haha

  9. LiLu

    “Massagers.” Like we all don’t know exactly what that’s code for.

    Eggbeater, obviously.

  10. Ulysses

    Like a million-billion years ago, that girl and I used to go to G-town park just to spend all day trying things on that we couldn’t afford. If there’d been one of those around, I might’ve ended up looking down the business end of her father’s shotgun. Talk about not being able to afford it…

  11. TC the Terrible

    Thanks. I needed a last minute stocking stuffer suggestion.

  12. barbara

    I still have one generously given to me by one who knows how to pick ’em! It works just fine.

  13. freckledk

    Damn my office firewall – my weekend would have turned out a whole lot differently had I read this when you initially posted it. But I suppose it doesn’t benefit anyone if I refuse to leave my apartment ever again.

    I bet that I could work up to *pantless* in a matter of days, though. I’m ridiculously talented in the sport of marathon vibing. Too bad there are no Olympics for it – I’d take home the gold, again and again (and again. and again. and again).

  14. Washington Cube

    Know what I want from “As Seen On TV?” That little plastic wedge that lets you clean up messy caulking and create different edging effects. Why walk around with a vibrator when you could have a tube of caulking in your work belt?

  15. JohnnyDC

    I’m pretty sure this is code for “we had sex in every store in GT park”


  16. mysterygirl!

    Um, am I really going to be the first one to ask for the name of that product?

    It’s a good thing the Trapper Keeper doesn’t really have velcro– you wouldn’t want to make that awkward riiiiipping sound if you were trying to play covertly in a public place.

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