Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Have More Than What I Wanted, But I Wish That I Had Started Long Before I Did

I knew Mr. X a long time before we met. In my heart, I always knew that. It’s a spin on the old cliche, “When you know, you just know.”

When I was five I had my first in a series of celebrity crushes.   I cycled through all the celebrity crushes the other day and tried to determine what it was about them I liked. Then I realized, “Holy shit. All my celebrity crushes remind me of Mr. X in some way.” At least, in terms of personality, he reminds me of them based on a character they played.

Celebrity Crush #1, 1979 – 1981: Greg Evigan

You probably know him from BJ and the Bear. He’s BJ. Not the bear. Mr. X does NOT remind me of a monkey. Just need to make that clear for you in the back, okay?


There is a picture of Mr. X when he’s about 27 at his mom’s house. They look incredibly similar. Mr. X won’t see this. He’ll text me in five minutes to tell me he looks nothing like BJ NOR the bear. But I will beg to differ.   Okay, so we established that this is how I like my men to look. Next!

Celebrity Crush #2, 1980: James Garner

Ohhh the Rockford Files. What a good show. I learned at 7 years old that for a man to be an alpha, he doesn’t have to be a loud, authoritative assmunch who shits on everyone in his sight. He can be that alpha more effectively without all the power bullshit. Because let’s face it, when a man is really truly an alpha, he doesn’t have to go repeating it at every chance he gets.

That’s my man, fo’ sho. Mr. X isn’t aggressive, but he gets shit done. And everyone thinks he’s their god damned best friend which can be mega-annoying because everyone wants to drain his time. Anyway. Pause for hotness.


Damn, Mr. X even dresses like this. Blazer/no-tie. Hmm, maybe there are more similarities than I realized.

Celebrity Crush #3, 1981 – 1984: Tom Selleck

Mmm…Magnum hotness…


I don’t know what it is about him specifically that makes him the epitome of cool. He was still cool (and smoking hot) when he dated Monica on Friends. Mr. X is so freaking “cool” that his kid’s freaking teachers call him for advice. I swear he gets the weirdest live-and-non-facebook “friend requests.”

Are we sensing the theme by the way? Older men, dark hair, drop dead sexy?

Celebrity Crush #4, 1995-1998 Tommy Lee Jones

I know. By the mid 90’s I was too old for celebrity crushes. But yet, when I saw The Fugitive, I was hooked. TLJ is the kind of authority figure a woman needs.   The man just has got it going on. He can take control of a situation and command everyone’s attention, loyalty and respect.


Everyone looked to Mr. X to fix things where we worked a long time ago. The ship was sinking and Celine Dion was singing “Nearrrrr, Farrrrrr, Whereverrrrrr you arrrrre…” but damn if everyone didn’t pile in to Mr. X’s office asking for lifejackets and direction.

Celebrity Crush #5, 1991 – Present: Michael Madsen

Swoon! Move over Brad Pitt, who was that hottttttie in Thelma & Louise?   Michael Madsen, you can fly to my desert location and bring me money anyday you want. This is my Mr. X. Saves the day. Saves the year. He always has a “way out,” he can always “fix it,” whatever “it” might be. I need that in a man. It is probably one of the most important characteristics for me – the guy has to know how to trouble shoot. He cannot get us lost in the ghetto and then freak out and not know how to get out of it.

MM gets two pictures because he’s just so hot.


Best gunman evah! Mr. Blonde…


Somewhere wrapped up in all my crushes and the love of my life, Mr. X is the composite man I’ve desired for the better part of 30 years. That’s why I tend to believe that despite what I said about not having a type, I really did have one all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to find him, or for him to find me, but now that I have him, I won’t be letting go.

Because what they say is right, when you know, you just know.


  1. mysterygirl!



    Good choices in crushes…

  2. Washington Cube

    I like the connections. Very nice. I agree with you on Madsen in T&L (a movie I hated, btw.) My favorite Tommy Lee moment in Fugitive is when Harrison Doofus Ford says “I didn’t do it,” and TLJ says “I don’t care.” LOVED that. Also loved his closing “break your heart” speech at the end of No Country For Old Men.

    And yes, there is something very appealing about a “fix it can do” man–not a whiner, not a panic person. Just faces it down and does it. Like me…but with a penis. 😀

  3. Velvet

    Thanks MG. I thought about adding my fantasy about the Marlboro Man but it might have conveyed that Mr. X was an old wrinkly hacker with lung cancer and that wasn’t good.

    Cube – Ha ha! I HATE Harrison Ford in that movie – doofus sums it up right. I was thinking of that line TLJ says, with just a slight hint of a southern accent: “Ihh d’one caaare” and I believe that was when I hit Start / My Computer / My Heart Drive on the crushometer.

    I’m enough of a panic person without needing any assistance. The men who have had staying power in my life were those who just had a GPS in their head. Well, wait, that’s not true. My ex was street smart but made the wrong decisions. Mr. X is street smart but makes the right decisions. For the most part…*

    *I have to put the disclaimer in because sometimes he does see people as nicer and having less of an agenda than they really do. Then they want to be his bestie and I have to swat them off.

  4. Washington "Giddyup" Cube

    Velv: Don’t worry too much about the “nicer with less of an agenda viewpoint.” I would say all “good” men do see the world that way; they give the benefit of the doubt until it’s so blatant, they have to step in, like Gary Cooper, and deal with it. Which is not to say men don’t get into coniving games, anymore than women. But. The good ones? Don’t.

    I admire the good men who can face the world squarely on it’s own terms, cause the world is not an easy place to be in, so to be honest and true in it…takes a very solid person of good moral character who is centered and strong in himself. I’ll get down from my pulpit now.

    P.S. When Mr. X does some petty thing that ires you? Stop. Look at him. Look at the world. Reconstruct your perceptions and think. Nope. Not worth saying. NOW I’ll step down.

    P.P.S. I just realized. We have to go through the world like cowboys.

  5. Velvet

    Oh, Mr. X doesn’t do petty things actually. I’m lucky in that sense. But I don’t know if he suspects the worst of some people like I do. I see people as self-serving. He doesn’t always see that. I’m not saying I’m right all the time, but usually intuition guides me correctly. At least, now it does. I had plenty of years of schooling in the “dealing with psychos psychology lab” to be more untrusting.

  6. ma

    Mr. X does remind me of all of these guys in looks.

    He seems cool as a cucumber. Yay!

  7. Washington Cube

    I’m afraid I’m the same, Velvet. I’ve had to learn snap judgments in a split second on people, and you get unerring in it. I’m dealing with a liar right now, and I described her as…a shark, but a stupid shark.

  8. jordanbaker

    appropos of nothing, but I’ve never understood why the monkey was called Bear.

  9. Velvet

    MA – He is, most definitely.

    Cubie – Snap judgments are new to me. But as someone today at work so aptly put it when I told her of something personal that happened to Mr. X and I, “Pay attention to the red flags.” I’ve been concentrating on that more, but I try to temper it with not becoming my parents who snap-judge everyone.

    JB – I didn’t get that either. It was very confusing for the 5 year old me.

  10. Washington Cube

    I’ll give you a snap judgment in Cube’s world where she “had” to learn, and this could cover ANYTHING, Velvet…any humane condition…children raped, unemployment fraud, you name it (and I might add, thank God that isn’t my world anymore):

    “My uncle stayed out of the country too long. They were living in the U.S. on a permanent residency visa (like forever,) and they had to visit a sick relative in Italy” (they are originally all from Sicily.) So you start poking around thinking it’s all legit. The next thing the American Embassy in Rome is telling you that Uncle Silvio isn’t being let back into the U.S. because some years earlier he…uh….murdered nine people and he’s in prison in Rome.

    Several years of this bullshit and you have to learn to read someone very quickly to get to the source of the truth.

    Back to the topic of nice men. 🙂 I spent some quality Tommy Lee Jones speech-a-fying on You Tube tonight.

  11. JohnnyDC

    Like you would kick Hugh Jackman out of bed… :-9

  12. Washington Cube

    Johnny? I think her sheets would be covered in cracker crumbs. 😡

  13. always write

    I don’t think I can speak objectively about good men (though I understand there are at least a few out there). So I’ll just say that I wouldn’t kick Tom Selleck outta bed – not as “Magnum,” not as Richard the eye doctor… maybe not even as Jesse Stone.

  14. Maegan

    this is hilarious! ….and yes, I totally agree ..when you know, you just know ..and I wish my x and I would have paid attention to each other the many times our paths crossed prior to meeting.

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