Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Then the Busy Years Went Rushing By Us

It’s been a very busy few months. Life’s getting away from me. I think. Maybe it’s not. I suppose I’m in full control, just busy. Let’s see…

We found X’s birth dad. Dead. Very sad. Very upsetting. Though, when we finally got a name from his birth mom, and googled the name, we found an obituary for him with a picture. It was like looking into a mirror 25 years from now. X contacted his half-brother, and they’ve been in contact pretty regularly and we have it on the list to meet up with him. He said he didn’t really believe X until he saw a picture on X’s company website, and he had to sit down he was so stunned. X had a half-sister who has died, but her daughter said the same thing, looking at a picture of X so reminded her of her mother that she cried.

I’ve been fully entrenched in my “new-ish” career. I decided to stop working for the man, and got my real estate license. It’s very exciting to wake up every day and go to work for yourself. I’m quite pleased with my progress. X said I really packed a lot of shit into the last 2 months of the year. Took the class, took the test, got the license, signed an Independent Contractor Agreement and I’m cooking with gas.

This of course, will destroy my internet anonymity, as my picture will be slapped all over the web. I’m not exactly happy about this, but, as I look back on all my years of “Velvet,” I think, “Well, I told the truth.” The blog is more of a testament to a period of time spent in D.C. than any reflection on me personally. At least, I like to think so. Okay, maybe sometimes I was an asshole. But I was a funny asshole!

I finally woke up one morning with the idea of what I could actually pen into a book. It will probably never happen, but I did get an outline on paper. Truth be told, I think the idea I have would be mostly unique, but I’m not sure it will ever see the light of day as a manuscript because I don’t have the time to dedicate, unfortunately.

I have had a long long long personal “to do” list, not the least of which was to finalize all my immunizations. For reasons I will never fucking understand, most of the doctors I called don’t have the vaccines I needed – Chicken Pox? Really? Anyway…I had to fold and go to the D.C. Department of Health.

Let me tell you that today was the 4th time I had been there and it was a nightmare each and every time. If I could have gotten these shots anywhere else, I would have. But I was sort of stuck. I got there so early that I was 3rd in line, thankfully. And just as they were giving me my shot and updated records, the receptionist came into the waiting lounge and said someone had taken a shit out in the hall and she needed “maintenance” and “some air freshener.” I looked at the kid next to me and said, “Good luck. Hold your breath. I’m running through there now!”

Have you ever walked into a room where an adult just took a shit on the floor? No? Do you wonder what people’s reaction would be? Let me tell you –   they all pretty much looked like someone just took a shit on the floor next to them. Because the D.C. Department of Health is so jam-packed, there wasn’t much room to spread out.

For work, I need a new car. The two seater Speedracer won’t cut it. I sort of have that Patty Hearst syndrome with my car. It’s had so many fuck ups that I sort of feel attached to it. But I get it, a two seater doesn’t lend itself well to a life with two dogs, kids and a man who hates the car, as well as shuttling clients around.

So tonight we went to check out this BMW I spied online. And after I finished the test drive, I was backing it up into the spot from which it came, when I smashed into another BMW.

Fucking. Oops.

Nothing changes around here. Typical God Damned Velvet.


  1. Siryn

    Jam packed… wow. This is going to be a year of incredible growth.

  2. Red

    Good for you!

    Kids? I need to go back, read and catch up.

    You sound happy? So glad to hear it. You deserve it.

  3. mysterygirl!

    Sounds like you had an exciting end of 2009! I think you will make a fantastic realtor. Congratulations, and I hope 2010 is off to a great start!

  4. Tyler

    Good work getting the “new-ish” career off and running! Now I know who to call when I am ready to look for a bigger house. 🙂

  5. Amy

    Velvet, I have been reading you for years, and I think you are hilarious. Even if it took you 10 years to write your book, I’m sure it would be a hit and well worth the wait.

  6. Divorcee

    LMAO at least it was another car and not a boulder that you hit!

  7. Velvet

    Siryn – I hope so! I had so many years that were stagnant, so I think I need to kick it up a bit.

    Red – X has 2 kids from a former marriage. Don’t worry…nothing has crawled from my womb. Yet.

    MG – It’s fun for sure. I just like the idea of being in business for myself. That’s the best part – that I didn’t have to go to the hellhole on Monday.

    Tyler – Oh yes, let me know! Ha ha. My partner was like, “Can’t you put it on your blog?” I said, “Um….do you remember all the shit I used to do, and used to write about over the years? I don’t know if that’s a good idea…”

    Amy – Aww! Thank you so much. I love hearing that, it would never get old. I didn’t realize that there were many long-timers left. I’m often sorry that I let life get away from me the past year and let this blog go, because it was one of the bigger accomplishments in my life with where it got to at certain points, and while I’m not sure I’d take all that drama back, it is so nice knowing that some people stuck through it. Thank you.

    Divorcee – Ugh, that tire still ain’t right. My poor car. I’m selling it back to Carmax and I will neglect to tell them all the shit it’s been through, including that night at your house. Damn witch you are. Could have told me!

  8. Cyndy

    Congratulations for getting your real estate liscense. Self employment seems like it would work very well for you. And that must have been incredibly exciting for X to have found so many of his long lost relatives. Very cool.

  9. Pook

    Good for you! I mostly love working for myself and I think you will too. Let me know if you want to write a script for instead of a book, I can get your script read by a few producers in tinsel town!

  10. Washington "Lockbox" Cube

    I’m sure Mr. X has had questions in his mind and heart all of his life regarding family. I grew up around many adopted children, and I know even as children they were wondering “Why?” Let us hope the relationships grow in a good way.

    It will be interesting to see how your new career unfolds. You certainly blasted through the holidays and achieved some major stepping stones.

    Didn’t your Dad (or someone) want you pursuing this field some time ago? Maybe I’m mistaken.

  11. Barbara

    So who pays for the damage to the BMW — their insurance or yours? Good luck in the new career. I’m sure you will be a lot happier working for yourself, although you will most certainly meet some people who will provide good new material.

  12. Phil

    “Yeah, I decided I don’t want this car. The bumper’s all f’ed up.”

  13. Washington Cube

    Time to bring us up-to-date.

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