Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Lovin Ain’t No Crime

News. I resisted the temptation and MotorcycleInstructor ended up calling me around 10:30 while I was watching the end of the movie, Gia. I finally just put the cards on the table because he asked when he was going to be off the shit list. Here’s what I said. Tell me it was good because Sara already gave me the thumbs up.

I said “You seem to be slacking off in your attention to me. I was fully prepared to forgive you for bailing on Thursday and start over on Friday night. But what happens, you call me Saturday morning and put me on hold and never click back over? You just aren’t showing me that you are interested in me anymore because three weeks ago you never would be doing this. You would just call me back until you got me on the phone.” Silence for a second. Then he says, “You’re right. I need to step up my game a little.” I said, “Ok, and if you want to stop and you aren’t interested in going forward, just say something. But this is crazy. You don’t act anymore like someone who likes me. Shit, I used to get 100 text messages a day from you.” So he says, “I do, and I am definitely interested in you. And you are totally right and I’m going to make it right this week. I think about you I don’t know how many times a day and you have me on the text messages because you’re right. I used to do that.” I said, “I know that you very well may have had stuff that came up, and you may think about me all day, but you have to know that you are like the 1000th man who has said that to me, so I just don’t believe it unless you show me.” He agreed, and again restated his intent to step it up this week. So that was the extent of that conversation. We’ll see what happens I guess.

I am sitting here waiting for Sara to call me back, but I think she’s “busy.” We just had the most hilarious conversation. She is at her bf’s house and he went outside and she said, “When you like someone and you want to show them that you’re a sexual person and you are attracted to them, what would you do?” I was wondering if this was a trick question. I said, “Uh, I would fuck him.” She goes, “No, I get that, but I want to do this with him.” I said, “You have already had sex with him though. I think he knows that you like having sex with him.” She said, “Noooooo…I don’t look sexy now. I have my glasses on. I need to be sexy when he comes back up here.” Here was my million dollar suggestion…get a shirt from his closet, a button down, put that on, nothing else, hair in a bun, glasses. Dirrrrrrty. She was giggling and tearing through his closet, got herself situated and was about to say something when she went, “Uh oh,” at which point I heard her hang up on me and toss the phone. I think it’s safe to say she’s getting some loving right now.

Earlier tonight I bored her to tears with stories of my ex-boyfriends, crap they did to me and how I exacted my revenge. There really shouldn’t be any shock over the BoyFace thing. I have done some really vengeful things to my exes.

1: MafiaWannabe – high school flame who dumped me for some WASPY chick. Found out a year later that he was going to dump her after the prom. I told her. She dumped him, found another date and MafiaWannabe went to the prom alone, waiting in the limo while everyone else had a great time. As if that wasn’t enough…he walked in to our 5 year reunion and I said, “Ladies, I have some unfinished business that just walked through the door.” I don’t know how it happened, but MaviaWannabe became enamored with me and drove from Boston one night a few weeks later to find me at a bar in Connecticut, where I promptly dumped him in front of a bunch of people.

2: AlwaysDrunk – the fucker I fell in love with. Yes, I know he might have the herps as per my prior post. But, consider this. After he dumped me, I made out with his brother. Who has the last laugh now?

3: TheCop – Crazy crazy crazy. Got mugged in Miami. The police force in Connecticut put him under “investigation” for allegedly trying to sell his badge for drugs. He called me crying like a baby to testify on his behalf that he got mugged and wasn’t trying to buy drugs. I said no. Please, bitch!

I’ll try to think of more revenge stories later. But damn it, the man who crosses me really gets burned. Note to my future ex-boyfriends….


  1. T

    Why are you bothering with Jeff? I’m a guy (and therefore don’t have the options you have) and even I wouldn’t put up with this crap…

    He puts you on hold and doesn’t come right back over? Is his kidney transplant finally ready? ‘Cause otherwise, he doesn’t have any explaination for why he didn’t just ignore the other call, or click over, say, “gotta call you right back” and then come back to you.

    The good news for me is that this confirms my sneaking suspicion that guys with motorcycles aren’t all at least as cool as the Fonz, and at least some of them are losers compensating for the fact that they are losers with an expensive bike.

    In celebration, I’m going to head to a biker bar tonight and tell some of those ‘tough’ guys that I think they are full of hot air.

  2. T

    Turns out the aren’t all wusses.


  3. Velvet

    T – Will post more today. Not sure about Jeff, and I feel like if I am too hardcore that I’ll end up one of those bitter 40 year old women in 10 years who had “all these men who wronged her.” I have to give at least some of them a fighting chance, don’t I?

  4. T

    Which is worse, being 40 with lots of stories of loser boys, or being 40 and married to one of them, just as you meet someone who seems perfect….

    You don’t want to be too hardcore, but meeting Jeff for drinks, for example is a waste of a night that could be better spent sleeping or with friends.

    Not a fan of Jeff.

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