Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

A Little Rendezvous, A Little Mystery

Imagine laying in your snuggly warm bed on a Monday that will undoubtedly end with snow, while all the suckers are making their way to work. It was so nice for the 3 & 1/2 minutes of peace. That is, until the firetrucks. Sometimes, I really think they overdo it. I mean, come on. There’s no need for all that siren screeching and horn blowing when the roads are practically empty and no one’s in your fucking way! I know the sirens and horns just boost the firemen’s egos. (All right, pushing buttons makes me feel important too.) So I’m hoping that they will keep driving, further and further from my bed. But then I hear it…over their speakers….”We have arrived at {insert Velvet’s Address here.} Fuck!

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Firemen crawling all over the place. Great.

I open the front door of my condo, thinking I’m going to walk to my neighbors (with my pj’s still on and we all know I’m a fan of cotton) and there are three firemen out there in the hall staring at me. It’s a sad realization when you think for a split second that they just may have come for you. What do I do? My friend N (who doesn’t want to be named because she’s a Freak, capital F) said, “You asked if any of them were single?” Uh, no, apparently I didn’t think of that because I’m so out damn practice at this point. I just slammed the door in their faces. Not before, of course, Thora barked at them like a maniac to let them know whose floor they were on. Then they went into the stairwell. My building didn’t burn down, luckily, and I could have parlayed the whole experience into a dating drama, by opening my mouth, or my shirt, but I’m too stupid.

Too awake now to go back to bed, I turned on the computer and promptly found this: That made my day much much better. Aww…thanks KOB!

I continue to think about blogging, why I do it, how I feel about it, if I’ll ever stop and am always encouraging others by cutting off their chatter with, “Ugh, Drama. You really need your own blog.” I was thinking about how some bloggers remain mysterious and don’t seem to want to reveal themselves. I wish that I could be that person, in the background – all mysterious. Someone whose moves everyone would follow with bated breath, someone whose identity everyone would speculate but none could ever confirm. Then I realized that I’m just not that person. I enjoy that blogging has brought to me a new social circle of friends. I wouldn’t have them without having revealed my identity. While I don’t want to be completely outed to the public because I do some really bad things to some of the men I date (last paragraph on that link and read between the lines,) I’m okay with being known to a selective few…dozen.

The day continued to improve as I found out that a $10 million acquisition I worked very hard on for a year, that I bounced from my old company to my new one, then lost, just ended up back in my lap today. The broker called with the words “guess what” and the conversation ended with me reinstating our offer and jumping from the rooftops singing.

The day ends with some interesting info. How much fun am I going to have with this little tidbit?

  • After making it big in TV, music, and film, Paris returns to the literary world with her second book, ‘Your Heiress Diary.’ Now she wants to answer your questions in an upcoming interview! Send your questions to, and check back on Dec. 8th to hear her answers.

Dear Paris: Why are you such a dirty ho? Dear Paris: What’s up with your eye that doesn’t open all the way? Dear Paris: How many men have you really slept with? Dear Paris: Why do you tilt your head in that stupid pose for all your pictures? Dear Paris: Why do you twist your legs like an 8 year old in all your pictures? Dear Paris: Have you ever done it in The Hilton?
So glad I have all those totally anonymous email addresses from all the fake profiles I created to trap BoyFace. Aah, so fun.

In the interest of keeping the dating alive and well in my life, I have the following news to report. Steve2 and I have had plans that keep getting moved and moved and moved. He’s one of my last men from Yahoo. We were supposed to go out last night but he canceled. Whatevs, I don’t really care anymore. Based on an idea I got from Sharkbait, I decided to peruse Craig’s List (who knew?) and used my very anonymous email addy to mess with a few men. But these guys are all freaks. Actually, one or two are normal, but they are still nameless, faceless freaks to me. So, I’m back on match. We’ll see how this goes. For someone who writes a dating blog, I’m really a little too picky. I should be dating any and every loser that happens in my direction. Ok. I’ll try.


  1. Rhinestone Cowgirl

    Dammit, why did you not flash the hot firefighters? You *have* lost your touch. 🙂

  2. Sharkbait

    Yes, should have flashed the firefighters…

    As for Craigslist, I will admit I definately got lucky. There are weirdos on there, but you can find those anywhere. Don’t give up hope, I think you’re spectacular, and I would think that even if you weren’t Greek! 🙂

  3. Kristin

    Mmmmm… firefighters.

    One of my friends found his girlfriend on Craigslist. She’s also a Freak with a capital F, but he likes her. I thought Craigslist was for couches and apartments and things. Who knew you could find a date there?

  4. Washington Cube

    Laughing at all the head smacks you are taking for not flashing the firefighters. ::WHACK::: There’s another one.

    As for the mysterious thing in blogging. That has been slapped on me and it’s silly. Each of us approaches blogging from approaches we are comfortable with, that suit our style. Stick with what makes you happy.

  5. Sub Girl

    hah. ditto on the firefighters. i also met a (now ex) on craigs. he was a freak. but it was pretty good, while it lasted. but you’ll have to go through a lot of freaks before you find normal ones.

  6. Velvet

    SG -CraigsList? Really? I’m shocked.

    Cube – will we ever meet you?

    RC – You are up WAY too early.

    Sharkie – Word of the day: parakalo. It means “please.”

    Kristin – Me too on the couches thing. Who knew?

  7. Smash

    Were the firefighters really hot? Because, I have never seen one in real life that was actually attractive. On TV, yes. Real life, no.

  8. Freaky N

    I thought we agreed I’d be referred to as your “Hot Greek Friend”…….

    Freaky N?????????

  9. Velvet

    Smash – I didn’t get a good enough look before I slammed the door. But it’s all these other ho-bags, I mean, nice commenters who insinuated their hotness.

    Freaky N – Look, you can’t have it both ways…”Don’t out me, but call me a hot Greek.” Ugh! Just create a blogger profile and pick your own name and then, we can be done with the whole thing!

  10. I-66

    at 7:33 I was already at work for 15 minutes…

    CL has only provided me humor.. not that there’s anything wrong with some of the people on there…

  11. Johnny

    Guess the band.

    Swing swing from the tangles of
    My heart is crushed by a former love
    Can you help me find a way
    to carry on again?

  12. Washington Cube

    The All-American Rejects.

  13. Anonymous

    I finally figured out that BoyFace thing – impressive!

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