Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

El Guapo Strikes Again

There are more emails. This one is John’s response to the last email you read. Then it continues, in the same fashion of reply etc.*************************************************
Ok, so I guess much of what she told me is true of you and not her. I feel kinda strange that she lied to me, but I understand why she did it. I can try and see it from your/her point of view and I guess it makes sense. I am not into meeting women on the Internet. I have met only one person this way. It went well and she is a very nice woman, just not the right one for me.So, can you tell me more about yourself? Age? Likes and dislikes?I guess you have seen my picture. So, you know I am a white male. I am 5-9 and weigh about 170 lbs. I have an athletic build and try to keep in pretty good shape. I played a ton of sports in my life to include hockey, rugby, golf, soccer, tennis, baseball. Now, I mainly play softball and golf. I try to run and keep active. It is not easy sometimes, but I work at it.

I own a small property management company in Fairfax. I also have an interest in a real estate company in Vienna.

I am Italian. I come from a large extremely close family with 5 kids. My parents are still married and have been for over 42 years. Family is very important to me.

Let’s see……..I like a woman who is attractive, smart, funny, and secure in herself.

What else would you like to know? I want to know everything about you.


Sorry for the delay. A couple of my cousins dragged me out to the hotel lobby and we were dancing.

I am SO excited that you are Italian. My mother is of Italian descent! Her maiden name is Pacoli. That is my middle name.

You are the first person I have actually contacted from the Internet. Diane has sent me many photos, but I don’t know, there was something about you. You looked cocky and I like that. I like a man who is cocky and in charge. I could tell by the way you were pointing at the camera. I loved that. It’s on my desktop. Sorry, I just thought that was the cutest thing in the world. Confident men are hard to come by.

Wow, you have played a lot of sports. I just knew you liked sports because I noticed you had a couple of remote controls on your table. I love to curl up with a man while he watches sports. It makes me feel perfect. I don’t know a lot about softball, but I have seen it on TV. It looks very difficult. I’m not much of an athlete. I go to the gym several times a week, but I know I could never play softball. When you hit the ball, does it hurt your hands? Probably not yours, but I think it would hurt mine. I’m more of a yoga person. It relaxes me and makes me very flexible. This is very important because I travel a lot.

I’m so excited you like soccer! Do you think Brazil will win the World Cup next year? My brothers are going to Germany to see a couple of games. I may go, but I get bored sometimes with my entire family. I’m the only girl and they are just too protective.

It is good that you take care of yourself. I could see that from the picture. I’m not very big. I’m 5’3 104 pounds. You could lift me over your head!

A family with 5 kids? My family has 6 kids! 5 boys and me. Are you Catholic? Religion isn’t at the top of my list, but I do try to go to church when I can.

My likes? That is so broad John! Can you maybe narrow this down? Are you asking what I look for in men? I will assume so.

In men, I look for someone who is intelligent and strong. Physically and in their mind. A man who takes control, but still gives me my space. I am very independent and want someone who is the same way. I have my own world and want someone who has theirs as well. You have to be funny and spontaneous. I like to be surprised. I also like eyes. I want a man to look at me and make me know that I am safe.

Dislikes are boring John. I don’t like guys that say I have a sexy accent. It’s so overdone. That is it.

I’m so excited that you like soccer and are Italian. I think my brothers would like you.
Hey Mercedes:

Glad you went out dancing. I am sure it was fun. I would assume you like to dance and do often? I confess, I am not much of a dancer at all. I am a white male – we are not very good at it. So, I hope that would not be an issue for you and we can find other ways to do things together. Although, I am sure I would like to watch you dance. I am sure it is sexy.

Five brothers??? Wow, that is a large family. I am the youngest in the family. How about you? Are all of your brothers older than you? They must be so protective of you. I mean that in a good way. Older brothers should be protective of their little sister.

Yes, I am Catholic. I assumed you were as well. I don’t practice like I should, but I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school as a kid.

It sounds as if family is very important to you. That is great. It is tough to find these days. It seems as if every marriage ends in divorce and family members don’t like each other. I just don’t get it. I love my family and they are extremely important to me.

Do you like to cook? I love to cook. I love cooking for a woman after she has had a long day. On the flip side, I love a woman to cook for me when I have had a long day.

So, you go to the gym a lot aye? Do you also get manicures, pedicures, facials, and massages? You seem like a woman who takes care of herself mentally and physically. I like woman like that. I like a woman who cares about how she looks and takes pride in her appearance. Although, a massage between lovers is so much better, don’t you think?

When will you be home? I think you said Sunday. How often are you out of town?

I guess I have to wait until Sunday or Monday to hear your voice? Don’t worry I won’t use some lame line and tell you that you have a sexy accent. LOL

Hope you are doing well and would love to hear from you soon.


I can’t explain how I’ve been so excited to get your replies. I got your e-mail earlier, but only had the opportunity to reply now.

Don’t worry about not dancing. I can teach you. Actually, I would love to do so. Just as long as you hold me tight and move the right way. Can you do that? 😉

I am the second youngest in my family. They are very protective. Sometimes they go too far, but that’s another story for another day.
You cook? Thatis so hard to find in a man! Do you cook Italian food? I love Italian food. I find the food so sensual. I always get in a good mood (if you know what I mean) after i have a nice, big Italian dinner.

Yes, I get manicures and penicures regularly. I like to take care of myself and look my best. When I am with someone, I do what I can to make him proud to be with me. Do you really know how to give massages? I’d like to see that. I love receiving massages. I don’t have very strong hands, but I can do other things to make my lover happy.

I will be home on Sunday. I want to talk to you then. I’m out of town about 2 weeks a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

I have a break between meetings, so we could have a bit of a conversation if you reply quickly. I know that may be hard since it is lunchtime, but try for me. Your e-mails make me so happy. Especially when you talk about massages and cooking. 😉

Your last email turned me on. I have to be honest with you.

Several points –

The fact that you get excited to hear from me is a big turn on. I like a woman who takes care of herself physically for her man. That is huge to me. So, you get manicures and pedicures. Are there other treatments you get on a regular basis for your body?

I love to give massages to a beautiful woman. I like to touch every inch of your body and make you feel good and relaxed. I like to do with oil, soft music in the back ground, a candle and some wine. Start you on your back and then flip you over to your stomach and rub every inch of your body. Would you like that?

Yes, I cook all kinds of food to include Italian. I can cook for you sometime soon.

So, what else do you like to do to make your lover happy? Do you like to wear lingerie?

I know that we are going to be getting along just fine.

Other treatments for my body? Well, yes, but I have to find that special someone to help me with that.

You sound so big and strong I’m sure you could just flip me over so easily. What would you do then? Would you pour some candle wax on me? Would you mind if I turned you over and poured candle wax on you? It hurts a little bit, but it is a good hurt. I’ll take care of you. I promise.

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I wonder how you are. You know. Remember that I’m very small and I’m afraid to be with someone that is too big.

I have lingerie, but I like to sleep naked. I don’t wear underwear and I don’t think I ever will. It’s too constricting. Do you wear underwear? I guess many guys do.

I wish I were back in the states now. I can’t stop looking at your picture.

Uh. I’m speechless. El Guapo, you have outdone yourself. I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.

1 Comment

  1. Velvet

    Siryn said…
    This shit is too funny.

    1/26/2006 01:05:51 PM

    Siryn said…
    It reminds me of that line from As Good As It Gets.

    Receptionist (starstruck): How do you write women so well?

    Jack Nicholson: I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability.

    Nice job with this “woman” Mercedes. AngryMan is eating it up.

    1/26/2006 01:18:46 PM

    Nicole said…

    1/26/2006 01:40:16 PM

    HomeI’mprovementNinja said…
    That sounds eerily like stuff a woman would say. It reminds me of “Closer” where Jude Law pretends to be a woman online and gets the other guy to ummmm, not be master of his domain.

    1/26/2006 01:42:01 PM

    Jamy said…
    I’d like to tell you how wrong this all is, but I’m laughing to hard.

    At first I thought you might be crossing a line and being cruel, but given how quickly he jumps into “erotic” territory, I say have at it.

    1/26/2006 02:25:38 PM

    Crazy Girl City said…
    Oh shit. I am LOVING this.

    1/26/2006 02:53:57 PM

    Stef said…

    Are there other treatments you get on a regular basis for your body?

    Gee, what could he asking Mercedes from Brazil about there??? Is this Isaac Mizrahi in disguise?

    This is cracking me up.

    1/28/2006 05:10:39 PM

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