Bless me bloggers, for I have sinned. It’s been four days since my last entry.
It has been a good weekend. I met a blogger friend who came to town for a visit. The power of the internet is truly incredible, for it has brought to me, many things in my life that I may have never found. Both cars I’ve owned, many friends, many boyfriends, places to live, jobs, the grad school I attended, all came about through a dalliance with the internet. I wouldn’t trade my life with the internet for a life without. However, buyer beware. Sometimes online people don’t let the truth get in the way of creating a good “persona.”
Some of you have asked me about the “character” that is Velvet. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not a character. This is my life. I am an open book. I divulge 99% of what happens in my life, and it is 100% truth. Many of you are so supportive, and every so often I get an email from someone who has read this blog for a long time but feels intimidated to comment. Please comment away. I love to hear from you. But, the few of you telling me things like “it was a good blog while it lasted,” or “I can’t wait until you screw this up so you can get back to some bad dates” is hurtful. And selfish. We’re not here for you, we’re here for me. Me me me. (Now who’s being selfish? Ha, I know.) Seriously, it makes me think that you don’t see there is a person behind these words. A real, living, breathing person.
Speaking of, right now I’ve never felt more alive. It was nice to have a day sans clouds after the rain, literally and figuratively.
Laying in the grass holding hands, your head on my arm, talking about everything that came to mind, telling you things, making plans for things beyond tomorrow. I’m so excited to discover what’s around the corner, but I’m so content and at peace to just let it happen. Wednesday I truly had a panic attack. I didn’t want to sabotage this, but I seriously thought about it. Not because of you…never because of you. But because I don’t know anything other than bad situations. A couple readers sent emails and slapped me around a little. A couple friends called and slapped me harder. Unlike many in my past, everyone is on your side. Damn that is a good feeling. I’m looking forward to this. Every time I’m with you I feel more and more alive. I absolutely think the world of you.
Ed. Note 5/25/06: Reading it now just grosses me out.