Shh…do you hear that? No? You can’t hear that?
It’s the sound of Velvet pulling out all her hair. Currently I’m in the middle of malfunctioning electronic hell. My air conditioning is busted and my favorite toy is jacked up to a battery charger because that too is dead. A SarcasticGayMan I know said I’m having “bad luck with electronics.” Well, thankfully not all electronics. So here I sit, amidst panting dogs, in an overheated apartment, wishing for a cool breeze to kick in and for this damn bike to start. And it’s 10:00. Good lord. Where did the weekend go?
Friday I met one Whisky Pants for some drinky-poos and Ethiopian Food. I felt like cracking that joke, “What are we going to have, two empty plates?” but I behaved. That Whisky Pants, she’s a smart one by the way. She’s much better suited to give advice than I am. And much nicer to the drunk tourists and bus stop dwellers.
On to Saturday. I went to the Yankees Nats game with DCOE. Now, to read DCOE’s recap of the game, my lord. Too funny. And true. And sad. I have to say, I was really surprised to see so many Yankees fans out there. I would have worn my New York shirt just for a show of support, since I am from those parts, but I thought it would be tacky to wear a non-home team shirt to a Nats game when I clearly live in D.C. Um. I was wrong. The Yankees fans were out in herds. By the end of the day though, I was glad I hadn’t worn it. I love my Yanks but the fans are just way too obnoxious.
The first thing I noticed about the crowd was, “Where the hell did all these hot guys come from?” I have never seen so many good looking men in one place. Where do they live? Arlington? Alexandria? Further out? Or are they not from here? DCOE and I were shocked. I contemplated asking one of them what bars he frequents, just for a social experiment, but I was too chicken. (Here comes an ode to DCOE.) And by chicken I mean, not drunk enough.
The game became quite intense, prompting DCOE to say in the 8th Inning, “Well, now we have a baseball game!!” I realized that while I will always miss NY and forever consider it home, I’m glad I don’t live there anymore. New Yorkers are too easy to pick out of a crowd. I like making people guess, I don’t want it to be obvious where I’m from. But how can you pick these people out? Is it their accents? Maybe. Is it their obnoxious booing and such when the Nats hit a homer? Maybe. Is it their overgelled hair that contains more product than the shelves at Bang Salon? Maybe. But what really gives it away is the gold chains. People from New York seem to be the only ones left on the planet who still wear yellow gold. I think I melted mine down in the 80’s and made a spoon out of it, but whatever. Platinum and White Gold people! Gah. I’m trying to reason with a crowd that still uses Aqua Net. Okay, I’ll save my breath.
So…back to check on the progress of bike charging and to plan the funeral for my thermostat. It seems that somehow it got broken into several pieces when the air wouldn’t turn on today. I’m not sure how that happened. I think it may have had something to do with the fist that punched it. Several times. That fist by the way, is extremely tan thanks to the sun that shone all weekend long.