Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

This Big Dog Will Fight When You Rattle Its Cage


I’ve gotten your emails, but I’m going to stop answering. It was too much and I have this thing called a job. Basically, I am taking my private life back private. The emails saying that you live in “faraway place” and work for “whoever” and don’t know any of the people in question really do not matter. If I don’t know you, you could be a friend of someone I just don’t need reading anymore. If I don’t have some sort of history with you, or know that you won’t violate my trust, I can’t give out the password. Think about it from my perspective: 40 of you comment a day. But you know how many of you read? 700. That means I have no idea who 660 of you are. And frankly, I don’t care about the stats at all. I’m not trying to get famous. I’m trying to live my life.

You may be longtime readers, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of your existence. Consider it an unfortunate reprecussion of being a lurker all these months.

Right now it’s just a few close friends, much like it was in the early days of Velvet. More like a chat room than anything like the train wreck it has become.


  1. OC

    Sorry to hear this Velvet. I was just getting ready to come out of the lurker closet :). Take care of yourself.

  2. Bilious Pudenda

    “…Because a couple close friends who genuinely care about me having a GREAT conversation in the comments is way better than the alternative. …”

    You had this Velvet, then you banned me.

  3. Penny

    I understand your need for privacy. That’s kind of why I took my livejournal down…when I started to get comments from people I didn’t know I felt like my lj had turned from a semi-private forum where only my good friends knew and read to something more exposed where just anybody could judge me for various thoughts, opinions, likes/dislikes, etc.
    I won’t ask you for the password since I don’t know you in real life, but know that should you ever decide to go public again I’ll be checking back to see what’s up. As always, good luck w/everything.

  4. dan


    i just started reading this summer, and your blog quickly became an every day kind of bookmark. your style and, shall we say, verve are second-to-none, and i wish you the best of luck. if i can be half as engaging, smart, and hilarious as you on a daily basis, then i can justifiably call myself awesome. until then, i guess it’s a little white lie. keep on keepin’ on (and having girlfriend-inspiring sex)!


  5. Ryane

    Hey Velvet, I haven’t commented a lot, but best of luck to you. I wouldn’t want to deal w/that shit either.

  6. Needtsza

    This sucks. Do what you need to do, but for some of us….this sucks

  7. Jill

    I know I shouldn’t but I kind of take some of your “lurker” comments personally. I have commented (very sporadic), e-mailed occasionally and was one of the first people you gave access to your other blog when the crap with that other psycho was going on. I guess I never commented much because who wants to hear from a full-time worker, mom, old married lady from the midwest?? What kind of advice can I give you that your close friends (who know you better) can give? Anyway, I wish you luck and am very sad that I won’t be coming here every day. I loved reading your blog, whether you were single, dating many, dating one or just venting on life, it was always a pleasure!

  8. Jill

    One more thing, in your comment you say something about the people who genuinely care about you. With that last pyscho, didn’t I e-mail you, after you didn’t post for a couple of days, to make sure everything was ok? If I didn’t hear back from you I was already trying to figure out how in the world I could get someone to check on you (from Iowa mind you). So I may be “just a lurker”, but I do care!

  9. Velvet

    Jill – I’ve know you (or known of you) for a long time though. I emailed you on this, but you had established yourself 6 months ago or so. I’m speaking strictly to the people who started emailing this past Monday, asking for the password. How am I supposed to know they are not posing as a lurker? This is in no way directed at you. Only the people I’ve just recently heard from, now that there’s a password on here.

  10. hedonistic

    Velvet, be as private as you wanna be. You don’t owe none of us nothin.’ Take care!

  11. Living in Dupont

    Stopping in to wibble a bit… the work day is much more mundane now.

    Just thought I’d say hello 🙂

  12. PS


    I’ve skimmed your blog a couple of times, and frankly, I’m amazed it took this long for you to get more private about some of your stuff. I’m sorry you had to go there, it sucks, but it’s not a big surprise.

    I’m a San Francisco transplant, a big dyke in a small community now, and I took nearly all my livejournal shit private awhile ago.

    There were too many people in too many places with bigass mouths that just HAD to share some of my more, erm, *colorful* evening recaps with those for whom they were NOT intended. So I feel you, chickadee.

    I like livejournal because there’s a lot of back and forth, and the interactivity makes me feel a little safer in terms of privacy. That reciprocity helps; I can see their journal entries, which sometimes makes me feel okay with them seeing more of mine.

    I also limit the really juicy shit to the people I think are safe, just like you did. I think that’s a very smart move.

    At any rate, if you ever get a livejournal account, drop me an email and I’ll let you read some of my more amusing dirt. It’s the least I can do for someone who’s offered up so much of her own.


    Peggy Sue

  13. Jay Gatsby

    Wild turn of events, but completely understood. There’s no “right” to access someone’s blog. In fact, I think that most bloggers write for a particular audience in mind. If they receive comments/kudos from that audience, they are quite pleased with themselves. On the other hand, if their efforts attract trolls they can do one of three things: (a) go on the offensive and publicly humiliate such people (e.g., TuckerMax); (b) ignore the trolls (e.g., DCB); or (c) make their blog accessible only to certain folks (now Velvet). There’s nothing wrong with choosing option (c), except that a blogger will lose the broader audience, as well as the new readers that are attracted by word of mouth (or e-mail).

    All the best to you Velvet, and I’ll hopefully see you at the next blogger HH (missed the last one sponsored by DCB).

  14. Hungry

    Hello Velvet,

    I’ve only just started reading your blog and I am so sorry that you had to take this drastic action. It was nice to know that there are women out there that are taking life by the horns. I really hope that it all works out for you with Sherlock. The cyber world will be a quieter place without you!!!

  15. Fab

    Brilliant. I only wish I knew this was an option- Alas, I have retired “The Single Girl”- Good luck Velvet! I wish you much happiness!
    ~Fab : )

  16. JoeD

    Why blog? The internet is quite public. Isn’t this a given?

  17. QueenofPreen

    I’ll miss the blog too and I wish you well! I understand you wanting to keep things private, you have every right. Hope you’ll still stop by mine from time to time, even though its a bit barren right now. 🙂


  18. JohnnyDC

    its no fun
    being an

  19. Drunken Chud

    HA! I GET TO 69 VELVET! well, actually i get to be comment number 69. which is just as appealing… sadly. god i need a life.

  20. minijonb

    holding out hope that you can “go public” again sometime in the future. but you have your priorities straight. take care of yourself first. i miss reading your trainwreck blog =;-)

  21. AlieMalie

    my my, Velvet, i cannot believe these people who are demanding that you give them the password and then lambasting you because you have become uninteresting to them. such audacity. while i mourn the loss of being able to read such fascinating stories, i’m also kinda glad that you took your blog private and we can’t read. it makes you that much more interesting ’cause it means you totally stand up for yourself.

    kudos (again).

    : )

  22. Sex & Moxie

    I did the private blog thing too for awhile. Of course my blogger cyberstalker signed up for a fake e-mail address and got the password. It’s so fucked up that we have to even go to these lengths. Hope you are doing okay. E-mail me if you want to chat.

  23. Needtsza

    hey there. Btw, you can call me ‘B’ as Needtsza is kinda a dead name. Just seein’ how y’er doin.

  24. CrazyGirl

    Hey girl. I’ve been MIA. Crazy month. We need to get together and catch up. I have lots to tell. I’ll send you an email when I get to work tonight. xo miss ya!

  25. The Captain

    Sorry I had to write this on a post that’s almost a month old, but I’m not an insider. It was great to meet you at the marathon, had a blast cheering on Marci with you.

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