Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Took a Louisville Slugger to Both Headlights

It might be the weather, but I’m officially ready to kill every single nobody who I’ve never heard of, coming out of their hole and asking for the password. I mean, what the fuck? If I say it’s no longer public, why can’t they get that THEY are the public I’m talking about, and you kids are the close friends, and leave it at that? I’ve stopped answering emails. I’m deleting anything that says anything about needing a password. Fucking selfish bastards. And good lord, I just heard from Life of Red that Mr. “Even though I dated all your friends and I’m really not a blogger but I’ll keep asking you out” asked her for my password, even after we had this exchange. Some of you will recognize his name by the way:

Seth J: This is embarrassing but apparently I need a password to read your posts. I’m not even supposed to read blogs anymore but damn it, I need to know. So how does it work. Do I get one from you? Thanks.
Me: Nope. Sorry. Blog is locked down to close friends only until further notice.
Seth J: Ah, that’s sweet, that you consider me a close friend. Well, what happened then? I mean, the cliff notes version?
Me: Um. Again. Not sure what you aren’t getting, but the blog is no longer public, nor is the content.
Seth J: Wow. I don’t think I’m the one you should be snappy with. Damn. Forget it.

I hoped he was gone for good, but he’s now taken to bugging people for the password. See, it’s these morons I want out of my life. He said something to Red about me that she told me at the Happy Hour, and it didn’t sound nice. I didn’t get all the details of it. I heard about your “fetish for older women” Seth J, and I ain’t playing. Wow. I’m in a shit mood today. There is all sorts of destruction in my path. I just told everyone to fuck off in the public post, and I think that is going to be the last public post for a damn long time. The idea of this just being 20 of us makes me really happy. I feel like I have a venting place again. It feels…real.

On the Sherlock front, there’s very little news. He’s honoring my request to leave me the fuck alone, as evidenced by our last text message exchange on Sunday night:

Him: Any chance of contact from you tonight? I’m gunshy about reaching out to you when you are shut down like this, but my intentions for you are pure, can’t you see that?
Him, again: Well, ok then. I’ll assume you are still upset and confused but doing ok otherwise. I hope so. Just know that I am still here for you and I love you even though I’m hurting.
Me: Clearly you are not understanding TWO STEPS OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP and I WISH I NEVER MET YOU of my past texts.
Him: I’m not pretending we can fix everything tonight. What I understand is our chemistry and our potential. Two steps back is ok for now. But I’m very glad I met you.
Me: Again…I wish I never met you and your harem of whores. That doesn’t sound to me like there is anything to work out.
Him: You will always be dear to me. You taught me more than I can ever thank you for. I’m sorry you feel that I let you down. I wish you only happiness.

So. Well. All I can say is that I can be very very hurtful. At the time, and even still now, two days later, I mean(t) every word of what I said above. What I’ve been hoping for, is that that “feeling” doesn’t come back – the feeling that drags my sorry ass running back to him. It’s not back as of right now. And, I actually feel like doing something to prevent us from ever getting together again.

Sherlock’s two deal breakers are me sleeping with someone else, and me doing any sort of drug again. All I would have to do is one of the above, and tell him, and assure myself emancipation from this relationship. I know what you are thinking, I could just lie to him and say I did one of the above things and that will be the end. But I can’t lie like that. I’m not hardwired to be a pathological liar. It would need to be the truth. Because then the relationship would have ended on a lie.

Or, I could just never call him again. I hate this.


  1. Law-Rah

    Um, if you choose the former as a way to end things with Sherlock, can you please post it…in detail…in our closed off little Velvet world? I do so love your “detailed” recaps when they include being lathered like a turkey. Sorry, where was I?

    Oh yeah, I cannot understand the gaul (or gall) of these people. When I first saw the password protection thing, my thought was “I really want the password, but I respect my friend’s privacy.” Done. I cannot fathom someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW thinking they somehow deserve the password. What the fuck is that? I like to read, but begging is a bit obsessive. Really.

    Pissy Tuesday is amping up!

  2. freckledk

    As someone who this weekend employed the mantra, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” I would say that you should do whatever and whomever it takes to get to where you want to be. Just be careful of going the Revenge-Fuck route. That may make you feel better temporarily, but it won’t make your current situation evaporate. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix. Give yourself a little time.

    In the end, your actions should reflect what YOU want, not what Sherlock doesn’t want.

  3. ashburnite

    wow…I can’t believe that guy had the nerve to keep asking. And how young is he that you would fit into his “fetish for older women?”

    And if you do decide to use one of those tactics to get rid of Sherlock, please go with the former, and not the later- we all love you and don’t want anything bad to happen to you (unless it’s just pot, then by all means…).

  4. Red

    I know your frustrated an and angry but your a populat chick and I’m not surprised some are anxious to read. My suprise was this dude I don’t know had the balls to contact me.

    On another note don’t do anything just yet. Whatever you do make sure your calm cool and collected. You don’t want to have any regrets.


  5. Tacoma!

    Why are all girls named Melissa HOT? I swear, it must be a requirement, or all unhot girls named Melissa go by Missy.
    Just enjoying knowing your real name.
    NOW, topic:

    Why hasn’t he worked on his insecurity? WHY! WHY! WHY!
    People who are in love will do whatever necessary: move, go to the gym, eat horrible food. And if it’s spelled out what they need to do they either say, “NOPE, not worth it, thank you for your time” or “Okay, it won’t happen over night, but I care about you deeply enough to do this”
    And… man, Seth J. could you imagine him in the sack:
    “Seth, a little lower”
    “I’m sure you like it much better higher”
    “No I didn’t”
    “Yes you did, AND you really want to give me head right now.”

  6. la whisky

    I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked that complete strangers would be pestering you for the password. Like Law-rah, it never even crossed my mind to ask you for it. People can be such assholes. And, like Freckled, I pledge to not share the password, even considering my “exit only” tookus policy. It totally helps that nobody knows me! Lastly, I’m applying to carry extra bats for you.

  7. upstairs neighbor

    just playing devil’s advocate here but i can totally see where the phrase:

    “I wish I never met you and your harem of whores.”

    could be interpreted as:

    “Still would love to work things out, lte’s all have dinner!”

  8. AussieEm

    As an official lurker from way back (please dont shoot me!) I can sympathise with the other lurkers to some extent.

    [Personally, I only sent Velv 64 emails begging her to give me the password, so I wouldnt be in the pestering complete stranger category right? 😛 ]

    I think, for a lot people, reading a blog is like watching a reality TV show. Sometimes they get so caught up in the characters and the drama they forget that its not make-believe, these are real people with real feelings and real lives. So for many readers, Velvet announcing going private probably feels the same as Network 10 announcing that theyll be cancelling Big Brother halfway through the series. In order not to miss out on their favourite show, theyre writing to the TV station, requesting the footage even if its not going to be aired.

    In regards to the texts, all I can say is: vomit. To me Sherlocks texts shriek: I want to manipulate you into replying and I want to present myself as the victim in this situation. They are not helpful or constructive, even though on the surface they appear to contain some sugary sweet saccharine goodness.

    (They also remind me of texts I used to get form my ex, so I could be projecting wildly here.)

    I vote with freckledk and Red, give it some time.

  9. bettyjoan

    *Feels a little sheepish for e-mailing Velv three nanoseconds after seeing the protected post and asking for the password!* You know I’m not a lurkery stalkery weirdo, though–after all, friends who Chisel together, stay together. 😉

    I’m not even going to address this Seth J loser (well, I just did, but you know what I mean). As for Sherlock, well…I understand that it’s complicated. I would certainly not begrudge you some rebound sex or some “recreational” activities. But I agree with freckledk–it should be about YOU, not him.

    In any case, I’m glad you feel more comfortable venting in this forum–we’re all here for ya, and we love ya!

  10. bejeweled

    Wow. Just getting caught up. Thanks for the password by the way. I want to say something meaninful, something that will help shed light onto your situation but right now, I’m blank. All I know is once the trust is gone, I’m done. I’m like you where I’m not mad anymore, I’m just done. I don’t feel anything. No sympathy, no feelings of regret. I guess my lame response is to hang in there, and keep posting. At least now you have a safe outlet. I don’t think the peoople you’ve allowed to read your private posts are going to spoon feed you a bunch of bull shit. Although I’m in the Lou, I’ve gotcha back!

  11. Velvet

    Law-Rah – You LOVE that story. I just reread what I had written. It seems tame compared to my memory. But maybe one day that will make it back out of the back of my fucked up little brain. The problem with the “someone’s I don’t know” is that seriously, they could be a friend of travelpsycho or travelpsycho herself, asking with a fake email addy. BRING ON PISSY TUESDAY!! I’m ARMED!

    FreckledK – You’re right. You are always right. I know. It wouldn’t be me either to do something like that.

    Ash – I think Seth J is 24. But Kathryn might know…she’s in here somewhere. Well, now she’s probably teaching a class, but she will be here soon. I really am acting like this is a chat room.

    Red – Do stay away from Seth J…he likes to make his way through the blogger scene. And I’ve heard a nasty rumor about him anyway that well, let’s just say…stay away.

    Tacoma! – I’m surprised I didn’t sign any of our emails with my name. I usually do. And you haven’t seen me! You don’t know I’m hot. You still think I had sex with the bartender in the bar! HAHAHA!! And you are a perfect example of someone I don’t know, but am pretty damn sure isn’t friends with travelgirl. See, it can be done for the lurkers…

    La Whisky – I was telling Siryn last night that when the whole Crazy Craig incident happened and I had to take my blog down, that you and I were either on IM or email, and when I told you what he did with the parody blog, you were like, “I’m delinking him right now.” That’s loyalty! Then Law-Rah and DCOE stormed his site with insults. See? Friends.

    Upstairs Neighbor – You are so mine when you come here, whether I have a boyfriend or not. (Upstairs Neighbor is from B’more people, please, I’m not arranging a cross-country date.)

    AussieEm the Gem – I am SO GLAD YOU HAVE DELURKED!! But don’t forget, I knew you back during the sleeping blog time. And even though you were a lurker, look how many times you are back (and ignoring your schoolwork) to see. Isn’t this more fun? Now, about the Sherlock texts. You do know he’s in sales right? His JOB is to convince people to buy shit who may not really want it to begin with. Note to self: stay strong Velvet…stay strong…

    BJ – YOU DID NOT EMAIL FOR THE PSWD!! I sent it to you first! Do you remember Seth J? He had that DC Males Perspective blog I think. Chisel tonight. So bad. THREE sets of pushups. Who does he think I am? G.I. Jane?

    Bejeweled – I’m not sure I ever had trust…It’s been like this from day 1.

  12. KassyK

    Hey girl, I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this crap. As someone that is consistently a target by psychos from my blog as well I can relate although this situation is just insane.

    I know its hard with Sherlock but if the trust is gone, then its impossible to make it work. I am all one for doing ALL you can to make something work if you are in love…but some things can’t be repaired.

    🙁 And while I am a super sexual freak like you…I would suggest the drugs over the sex. Sex is WAY more dangerous these days…and if you want to roll–I haven’t in like a DECADE and I am so there with you.

    Hehe.Such a bad influence.

  13. MappyB

    Um…well I emailed you for the password, but I’m good for it. Plus, I’m moving and I’ll take that secret with me.

    About the way out of the relationship thing. I think you should just tell him that you’re done. There’s no need for doing anything else that is one of his deal breakers. That would only be to hurt him and he’s really not worth it at this point. I’m sorry it all had to go down like this. Thank Buddha you didn’t move in together!

  14. Washington Cube

    So when are you going to fuck some stranger and then blog about snorting coke off of his cock? JOKING. I needed to lighten things up around here. Oh. And can I have the password? JOKING!

  15. Scarlet

    Kassyk’s offer to roll made me laugh. Only because my first thought was, “JUST SAY NO!”

    Scarlet Reagan;)

    But really, I like the chat room feel of this. Much better.

  16. Dan

    While I wouldn’t wish what you’re going through on anybody, I am a bit jealous of all the attention you ladies get from your blogs.

    Nobody stalks short, hairy men…

  17. ashburnite

    ooohhh…if you and Kassy decide to roll, I want in! it’s been YEARS!

  18. Law-Rah

    Is anyone else loving how you hide Cube behind closed doors and she gets nasty?

    Um, also, we are going to need to discuss this “Red” vs. “Red” stuff. I got a “Red” comment today and was like ‘yay, I love her!’ Then, I was confused and thought ‘wait, TASTE of red, I thought she was LIFE of red.’ Damnit to hell. Someone’s gotta change names.

  19. Siryn

    I don’t feel bad for asking because you know you love me! 🙂

    Anyway, Seth sounds like a pretty major asa holo there.

  20. Velvet

    KK – Mmmm. Drugs….

    MappyB – Honestly, you are another one of the ones I just thought was too busy to deal with this crap. I figured you were making maps like a crazy girl and didn’t have time for passwords and secret handshakes.

    Cubie – You little mystery, you. I do like how you bust out with random funny shit behind closed doors as Law-Rah said!

    Scarlet – Isn’t this so much better? No sign of TravelPsycho on the blog today. Sherlock hit it up a few times though.

    Dan – Not all attention is good attention! I swear!

    Ash – I’d do it, since I’m now not in danger of a layoff and an imminent job search. I don’t have to stay drug free.

    Law-Rah – “Life of Red” = She comments as “Red.” “A Taste of Red” = FB#2. She comments as “Irish Red.”

  21. AussieEm

    AussieEm the Gem! Why didn’t I think of that first? 🙂
    You know I always thought delurking was a painful process, but now I think I must have been getting confused with depilating this *is* fun!

  22. I-66

    Wow, Seth J… and here I was thinking I wouldn’t be seeing him mentioned anywhere.

  23. Chico's Bail Bonds

    Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa….

    I need serious clarification. Mr. Ass Hat that I’ve been sticking up for of late claims that if you sleep with someone else, it’s a total dealbreaker after he dunked his doughnut on multiple occasions while y’all were hooking up???

    What the eff?

    Please clarify. Currently booking flight from MIA to DC and contriving way to include brass knuckles and 4 oz. of liquid in carry-on baggage.

  24. KM

    Wow, Sherlock is a mindf*cker of the first degree. Not really sure how much clearer you can be with him, but maybe in his world “harem of whores” really just means “very nice ladies.” Would “eat sh*t and die” come across as “call me!”?

  25. Siryn

    haha, KM!

    The irony of it all is sad, though. It’s okay for him to screw a couple of other people while stalking her, but not okay for her to be with someone else when they’re not technically together. That takes balls. We know he’s got some, but damn.

    And manipulative is right. Check the breakdown:
    Him: Any chance of contact from you tonight? I’m gunshy about reaching out to you when you are shut down like this, but my intentions for you are pure, cant you see that?

    Not when you tell your whores she’s on meds, you asshole.

    Him, again: Well, ok then. Ill assume you are still upset and confused but doing ok otherwise. I hope so. Just know that I am still here for you and I love you even though I’m hurting.

    You got the upset part right, but not confused. And what the fuck is up with “I love you even though I’m hurting.”

    What about her? She’s hurting too, nimrod, but you reveal the truth here: it’s all about you.

    Me: Clearly you are not understanding TWO STEPS OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP and I WISH I NEVER MET YOU of my past texts.
    Him: I’m not pretending we can fix everything tonight. What I understand is our chemistry and our potential. Two steps back is ok for now. But I’m very glad I met you.

    Backpedal, backpedal – “I can’t admit that I wanted the steady sex while keeping some other fuckbuddies on the side! Why else should I be freaked out about losing my privacy?! Need to keep the steady sex on the hook.”

    Me: AgainI wish I never met you and your harem of whores. That doesnt sound to me like there is anything to work out.
    Him: You will always be dear to me Melissa. You taught me more than I can ever thank you for. I’m sorry you feel that I let you down. I wish you only happiness.

    “I’m a manipulative pussy.”

  26. Velvet

    Siryn – Do you remember Seth J?

    Aussie Em the Gem – If you get a bad grade this semester, it ain’t the fault of Velvet in Dupont!

    I66 – So…do you know what he means by “not supposed to be reading blogs anymore?” Did he make some pact with the blogger community? I’m lost. And yeah, he’s been asking me out for two months now.

    Chico’s Bail Bonds – Let me clarify. Sherlock and I met in mid July. We dated the fateful one week, slept together a week to the day we met, then he got all looney and I stopped returning his calls. We didn’t talk from that Sunday night when he dropped me off at home, until two Wednesdays later – 18 days. In those 18 days, he told the fuck buddies everything about me, fucked both of them (two nights, back to back,) fucked someone else, stalked me by calling / texting / emailing dozens of times etc. Then I went to dinner with him that Wed, went to NY to see my brother and Siryn on that Friday (Aug 18) and when I got back Sunday was when we made the commitment to be BF / GF. Two months ago from right now. Anyway, in those two months, he has not slept with anyone (to my knowledge) but he has received calls from both fuckbuddies and not told them to hit the road, and he has discussed me with his ex who he just broke up with in May. I see the therapist tomorrow, and she is going to tell me that all this stuff happened BEFORE we committed, and that I’m giving him a hard time over all of it when really, we weren’t committed. But my unfortunate feeling is that it doesn’t matter if we weren’t together… this behavior was in a sense, burning a bridge.

    KM – He has a way of twisting words, that’s for sure.

    Siryn – I’m especially enjoying your breakdown of real meanings because you were on the phone with me when I was sending these texts and I swear you were like, “Don’t do it!” But maybe I just thought that’s what you were saying. Anyway, I didn’t realize that the sentence “I love you even though I’m hurting” was in there. I actually had to just look at my phone to see that he really wrote that. Yup. He did.

    I told you when we get into fights, sometimes his comebacks are something like, “You are really good for me…” And my thing is like, “We’re fighting, shouldn’t you be trying to prove how good for me YOU are?”

    I can’t stop thinking about this. And it’s giving me a panic attack. I was running the other night and I almost passed out because my heart started racing more than normal. I just wish all this would go away.

  27. QofQ

    I haven’t chimed in in a while, but like I said at class last night…you guys just need to quit for now. Somehow a crappy rhythm creaped into your relationship from the get-go. Here’s the pattern that I see:

    Things are hot and delightfully juicy. Then, you find out something that disappoints you…is contrary to what he seemed to be just days before, and expectations are blown to pieces. He kisses your ass and does everything he can to make you believe that he’s not what you came to learn/believe. You give him another chance and indulge in the moment, only to stumble into another disappointing revelation. Probably never really ever getting over the earlier frustrations, so when a new thing happens, your ability to forgive and forget are magnified by several events rather than just one.

    Right now you are at peak frustration, and utterly lack any faith or trust in NewGuy/Sherlock/Whatever. Not sure what it will take to get you through that. But I’m fairly certain that you guys will never break this pattern until you start from true groud zero, where the events of the past are no longer an issue…neither something for him to feel guilty about, or something for you to harbor animosity toward. Again, I’m not sure how you get there, if its possible, or whether the work to get there is at all worth it. I want you to be happy, and I don’t want the notion that Sherlock could potentially be the right one for you to keep putting you in a place where he is able to hurt you. You deserve MUCH better than to keep being disappointed and hurt. Something either has to drastically change, or it should just be abandoned.

    Love is so confusing, but nights of debauchery are pretty straight forward…think we need to indulge in one again soon!!!

  28. I-66

    Wasn’t that his ex-girl at 1223 a couple weekends ago? He sorta suddenly disappeared one day, showed up at a HH or two after that, and I thought he’d never be heard from again. Huh.

  29. Chico's Bail Bonds

    I appreciate the clarification, but, as you say, it still leaves the waters pretty muddy.

    I can’t imagine how confused you are because half of me wants to say, “Follow your heart, trust him, and go with it. There is something between y’all that is really special and seems different in a good way.”

    The other half is like, “This dude sucks and plays more games than Parker Brothers. Move on and cease contact with him and all his bitches as they’ve clearly had a net negative impact on your life.”

  30. Siryn

    V, I was encouraging you to blow him off. Breaking contact is the best thing that has happened so far. Although I will say that writing back has only given us more opportunity to see what a manipulative pussy he is.

  31. freckledk

    I agree with QofQ. You’ve fallen into a really bad pattern and need to break out, at least for now.

    You are not happy. No one is worth this.

  32. marie

    I don’t know.. I know maybe this will get me in trouble, but for some reason I just can’t advise you to just cut him off completely..
    I understand that he fucked up.. badly.. he shouldn’t have told the fuck buddies any personal details about you or your relationship.. that was stupid and I’m not saying you should ignore that.
    I understand FB#1 (Travelgirl) hasn’t dealt with things the way a grown ass woman is supposed to.. The other one wrote mean things about you in her blog (before knowing you – all she knew was what he told her about you – after meeting you her opinion about you changed completely)..
    I think they were just sad and angry.. both of them apparently fell hard for this guy and then had their hearts broken.. on top of that they’re hearing all about a girl that’s getting what they want: his devotion.. a girl that, even if “crazy and on meds”, made him want to commit..
    All of this has been horrible for you.. and part of me says “what if he’s doing the same thing he did [to the other girls] to Velvet?” The difference is he never told them he loved them, he never talked about marriage and kids and moving in together.. He did not care about them..
    At the same time I can’t just advise you to give him another chance because I got to say: he IS unstable and insecure.. he DID lie and keep information from you.. it’s true he did most things before you were exclusive, but he should’ve come clean on his own, instead of you having to find out from come bitch..
    if you feel you won’t be able to trust him again or put the past behind you [and I wouldn’t blame you.. it’s perfectly understandable] then yes.. I’d say it’s best if you stop all communication with him..
    Sorry for the long post.. Maybe none of this makes sense but I just had to put it out there..

  33. Tacoma!

    Am I going to have to e-mail people off the blog to find out if you’re hot? Actually I can tell because KassyK call you her semi-clone. From what I’ve read you gotta be hot to be her semi-clone. Nuff said.

  34. Kathryn

    Just now had a slow moment and decided to read the comments in case they were juicy… and DAMN, were they juicy.

    SethJ may have just turned 25. So 24 or 25. That was his ex at VK’s bday, I-66, but let’s let her stand alone now. She was always head and shoulders above him, anyway. Just call her my friend. 🙂

  35. Velvet

    Q of Q – That makes a lot of sense. And the only way to start from ground zero is really to go our separate ways for now, and try to reconnect down the road. But for me, that never works. I’ll get wrapped up with the next buffoon and be done with him.

    I66- Yeah, it was. But that poor thing. I think maybe she wants to forget that?

    Chico – That’s exactly where I’m at. On the fence.

    Siryn – You are the harshest of critics. I know that you are very cut and dried like that, but I’m not. It’s not as easy for me. The fact still remains, he hasn’t done anything since we agreed to be exclusive two months ago. All of this is just baggage.

    Marie – You’re right. The other one and her buddies chimed in with hoping we get diseases or something. Um, what did I ever do to you cunts is my question? Why do I deserve the diseases?? And you are right, he didn’t talk about getting serious with any of them. But I’m still stuck at him telling crazy Travelgirl a play by play of what we did in bed that night.

    Tacoma – Ok ok, I’ve sent you a picture of me and the Queen of Quantity (cropped out) so there you go.

    Kathryn – I told you. People really let it fly. Letting the password leak to the crazies is no longer a matter of protecting myself and my feelings, I have all you kiddies to think about too! But I do love it so much more like this.

  36. Siryn

    Yeah, I know, Judgie McJudgiePoo. I wear those shoes. But life is too short for people who, as Chico lovingly says, play more games than Parker Brothers!

    You have a choice – you can invite people and their attendant drama in their lives, or you can cut them out. I’m not saying he is a bad person per se, and I know he has some redeeming qualities, but look at what is going on here: you are getting panic attacks and he doesn’t truly accept any responsibility for what’s going on here, as evidenced by that “I’m love you but I’m hurting” bullshizzle.

    Q of Q is right- it’s just not healthy. As the old song goes, love is not enough! Love, respect, trust… respect, as in keeping your private life relatively private, not talking to (hostile!) (two-faced) exes about your current gf, lying about your gf to them (the meds), and then not having the common sense to figure out that covering up his tracks just makes it all worse. And then somehow turning it on YOU, as if you’re the one inflicting pain for no reason?

    Does this sound like a healthy adult relationship to you? NO, and you’ve said so yourself in as many words or more, and this is not worth your health. It has some of the hallmarks of an abusive relationship, though it’s not quite there yet.

    It’s not just a bad rhythm – it’s character. The stuff you do when no one, especially someone you are supposed to be accountable to, such as a significant other, is looking. You changed your tagline for a reason. “If you struggle with the truth, I can’t date you.” There should be no compromise with that.

    You can do better, and I am glad that you haven’t had the itch to go back yet. Let’s never, ever scratch that itch.

  37. La Whisky

    Okay, I usually reserve the non light-and-breezy stuff for offline, but…

    Perhaps, like you, I am concerned about this habit Sherlock has of inappropriately involving other people in something that really ought not to be shared. Or, only shared with the bestest of friends. I think this indicates a certain lack of respect and discretion – both rather serious character defects. Most likely, he does this because he is insecure – I think that insecurity might be the single-most damaging thing in relationships. Sleeping around and sharing your sex stories all over town is not a healthy way to deal with your insecurities.

    He might be a great guy in other respects, but this is a big deal.

  38. Tacoma!

    You look like you could be a family member!
    We(the girl Tacomas) are all brown eyed girls with round faces and rosebud lips.
    Of course, you have a Gorgeous tan and perfect teeth. While I, do not.

    Strength, like Siryn said, no scratching the itch. Also, I think you might have to lay off the porn. Take sex out of your life for a while. Like going sugar free just to get rid of the craving. It sounds awful doesn’t it? I consider it an emergency solution, so you may not need to go that far.

  39. AussieEm

    Siryn said: And then somehow turning it on YOU, as if youre the one inflicting pain for no reason? Does this sound like a healthy adult relationship to you? NO

    Hear Hear! I agree wholeheartedly with Siryn. This sort of behaviour is unacceptable.

    It reminds me of my ex:

    I broke up with him earlier this year (basically because he was being a knob) and when I was visibly upset in front of him while ending it he said to me:

    [direct quote] Youve got no right to be upset. Youre the one whos ruining this.

    Despite the fact that the only reason I was ending things was because he kept fcuking up big time!

    Hmm, does this story sound familiar?

  40. circumlocutor

    I’m thinking you need to devise a standard response for the password enquiries. Try this:

    “Thanks for your message and for your interest in ‘Velvet in Dupont.’ Password distributions for 2006 are now complete, and no more passwords will be issued this year. Passwords were distributed to a select group of individuals who I believe will not share or forward the password to others. Please understand that, for the safety of Velvet, the blog and the blog’s readers, the list is intentionally very small. There is no appeals process for those who did not receive a password.

    Again, I thank you for your interest in and continued support of ‘Velvet in Dupont.’ Please continue visiting the site — not all posts will be password protected.”

  41. Jill

    whew, finally able to catch up on all the comments. I really don’t know what to add, so many of you have covered all the bases! I agree with so many, he is manipulative…”I’m sorry you FEEL I let you down”??!! Feel buddy??, you have!! So in his warped mind, what he did or has done is within the normal parameters of a healthy relationship? Uh, ok. Take a break and just be. By trusting me with the password, it is my solemn vow to comment more. By the way, I don’t agree with Tacoma, keep the porn around!!

  42. Jill

    umm, just read my comment…was it one long run on sentence or what? THAT is why I don’t comment much. Too many kids, too many drinks and one very ocd type hubby.

  43. playfulinnc

    It’s his name.

    I don’t care how great your chemistry is, you will have to introduce him FOREVER to other ppl.

    For instance, I thought I was going to marry a man with Bush as his last name.

    That would make me Mrs. Ivey-Bush.


  44. Velvet

    Siryn – I’m not seeing where it has hallmarks of an abusive relationship. But, shrug. Okay.

    La Whisky – Totally agree with him being insecure. I explained this today to my therapist as though he burned a bridge. She keeps going back to the old, “If there was no blog” because she thinks this blog is trouble. But, there is a blog, and I DO know what happened back then, and am just having a hard time crawling over it to make a relationship here.

    Tacoma – The tan, sadly, is almost gone. Um, to taking sex out of my life? No! I’ve gone and purchased some extra sex toys to get me through this. The best thing I can do is use one of those toys BEFORE I have any sort of discussion with him. It will ensure I don’t rip my clothes off.

    Aussie Em the Gem – I know its unacceptable…now I just wish he would go away without me having to have any sort of conversation.

    Circ – I LOVE THIS! A form response letter. AWESOME!

    Jill – Breaking down his statements are very eye opening. And yes, porn. Though Ninja has all my porn now. Cause I AM the Porn Fairy.

    Playful – Um. Wow.

  45. La Whisky

    Is it okay that I disagree with your therapist? Because, I think that this is a pre-existing problem of Sherlock’s – blog or no. Maybe I’m not seeing her concern well enough, but it seems like the harem thing and the insecurity was probably going strong before he encountered you or the blog. Sure, the blog and resulting comments complicates things a smidge – you wouldn’t have had such a public post-mortem of various events, but you might not have discovered these issues and problems without the blog…

  46. Velvet

    Yeah, disagree away! I told her that eventually this would have come out. In one way or another. There’s no way he could hide this low-self-esteem part of his personality.

  47. Barbara

    But do you miss him? Does your body ache for him? If you are really in love, you will find a way to make this work. But you need some time apart just to figure out what you feel. Love can do really shitty things to a person.

  48. Siryn

    Yes, Barbara, but love is not license to lose your head and stay in an unhealthy relationship where there is no trust, and no real basis for trust.

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