Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

This City Desert Makes You Feel So Cold, It’s Got So Many People But It’s Got No Soul

Its the Holidays everybody. Have you noticed yet how the holidays bring out the worst in many people?

Last week, Dunkin Donuts on 17th Street was robbed. Calling all cars, calling all cars, Dunkin Donuts is in peril!

Friday 12/15, 9 p.m., Wonderland Ballroom was robbed by three masked men with guns. They took everyones cash and were out in under 3 minutes. Gentrification is a slow and painful process.

Monday 12/18, 3 p.m. A man was shot and killed at 12th & U, just outside the 7-11. Apparently it was because of some sort of argument. 3 p.m. people. 3 p.m. Bunch of savages around here.

Monday 12/18, 3:30 p.m. I have to get Sammy & Thora out for a walk and also need to drop off an RX for my anti-anxiety medicine at CVS. I walk down the street and begin to tie them up outside. A man with a goiter rides up to me on his bike and says, Youre really trusting. I said, They wont run away. He says, No, I mean, just anyone could come and steal them. Now, this process of tying dogs outside a store is not my favorite, and Ive done it three times in my life as something happening to Sammy or Thora paralyzes me with so much fear, hence the anti-anxiety medicine RX that I was holding in hand! So I turn around and look at him, and my face must have said it all. He said, Well, I didn’t mean to scare you but and launches into more about how just anyone could steal the dogs and I would never find them. Finally he rides off. I make sure hes out of sight and I run in and drop off the RX and run back out. There are Sammy & Thora, sitting there licking their asses. Who would want to steal a mutt whose tongue tastes like ass? But, for those 30 seconds, I was really sweating it out. Asshole. Thanks a lot. Ill be doubling up when I get my hands on those pills.

Tuesday 12/19, 3 p.m., Blockbuster was robbed on 17th Street, also by armed men. They forced an exiting customer back inside and held the place up. I would like to tell that customer that while I’m sorry for their trauma because I would have most likely crapped my pants, they should have long ago joined Netflix. Who goes to Blockbuster anymore?

I’m going to lock my door, train Sammy and Thora to use the toilet, and not leave until the madness is over.


  1. freckledk

    You and I arrived at Wonderland moments after the robbery took place (and I’m glad, too. Your superhero ass would likely try to call 911 and get me pistol-whipped).

    What’s funny-strange to me is the aftermath, or lack thereof. Everyone in the bar just went about their night, continued their drinking, and seemed to forget about it altogether. No one seemed to be upset or angry. The detachment was very odd.

  2. Velvet

    I may have naively called 911, but I doubt they would have shown up. I would have most likely tried to call under the table or something, and let them hear the background noise, and I guarantee they would have hung up on me.

    The detachment is totally understandable to me. I was thinking about that the other day. Crime is now so rampant and commonplace that it makes total sense to me that they were all like, “yeah, whatever, another beer please.” No one has any faith in the cops, so why bother to care? Sigh. Stupid ass city.

  3. Wicked H

    Amen. Stop the freakin madness.

    Don’t these people know SANTA is watching????

  4. I-66

    Baker Street. Nice.

    Nothing surprises me anymore.

  5. Brunch Bird

    Here, here. The building right next to ours has been robbed three times since Thanksgiving! And it’s got tight, double-locked door and buzzer system security!

    still snickering at the Netflix line…

  6. KassyK

    Thank gd for my Xanax script. Jeez this world is nuts.

  7. Red

    This is why I don’t like driving downtown anymore and rarely do it(AnXietY). Heaven forbid I take a wrong turn and have to drive through Dupont rather than under it.

    I used to tie Mini Red up outside the stores but I feared someone would take her cause she would talk to everyone that would pass. I then realized they would be too afraid to take her and she was just disturbing the peace.

    Talk about AnXietY… I just spell checked before I hit submit. Hahahaha

  8. freckledk

    Wait Ms. Red…isn’t Mini Red your child?? If so, you are my kind of Mom! Bravo!

  9. Tacoma

    So sad. What the hell is up with the whole police force? I mean, do they know too much about the secret lives of senators and congress people so they can never be fired? Does DC have a residencey requirement? Have they ever, because the cops don’t seem to have a commitment to DC at all.

    The dog guy FREAKS ME OUT… jesus. I always feel pretty insecure tying Minnie outside of a store, but geeze, it’s either that or cut down on the time I can spend with my dog.

  10. Velvet

    Wicked H – They don’t care about Santa. Poor Santa.

    I66 – Living in a city is desensitizing, that’s for sure. The ‘burbs can be just as bad, if not worse. NoVa has a lot of gang activity. Oy.

    BB – Dare I ask if the cops are doing any surveillance? Never mind.

    KK – You and Xanax are like Oprah and Gail. HA!

    Red – Tell Mini Red to not talk to strangers or you will leave her in the car with the windows up.

    Tacoma – The dog guy, I know. Who does that? Do I walk up to people with kids in strollers and say, “Gee, don’t you just hope no one sexually molests your kid?”

  11. Elizabeth

    DC, the city of detachment, yes…yes that fits!..omg, I tied my 120 lab to a line of shopping carts one day..(they were extra carts farthest from the door) I zipped in and out only to find him chasing a bakery bag that was attached to the hand of a petrified lady..he had a shopping cart dragging behind him, the one I had lassoed him to….it was on its side slinging thru the lot, the noise was horrendous, and I swear I saw sparks from metal on asphault..he was not the least bit fazed ..I am sure everyone witness to this sideshow decided then and there he wasn’t worth stealing..”He’s a mad dog!”..he’s such a teddy bear and wouldn’t hurt a flea but that day he made quite a different first impression ..I prolly did too because when I saw what up, I doubled over in laughter and damn if I didn’t wet my pants on the spot…the more he ran and the more horror I saw on faces the harder I laughed and peed…that’s how we roll!..

    Now if I come here and find that you have decided that you will no longer be entertaining us with your wit, humor through fine writing I will be bringing the mad dog over to your place and one of us will pee on your couch. 🙂

  12. E :)

    I wish we had NetFlix in Australia.

  13. Moni

    Detachment – so true. This reminds me of a time I visited my dad in Bogota, Colombia, ages ago, when things had not been cleaned up much, and I heard gunshots outside our house (and it’s not in such a bad neighborhood, mind you). I told my dad, while freaking out, and his response? “Eh.. they’ll stop soon, don’t worry about it”. I don’t necessarily think it was that he was scared to peak outside his window. I think it was years and years of living in a city that was – for a while – famous for being violent. Yuck.

  14. LPM

    Heh. I spent a goodly portion of my life living on 30th, off of Alabama.

    I think your neighborhood is still pretty hopefullnice.

    May I suggest something that (I hope) will make you feel better?

    Smile at people.

    No shit, just try it. Just a smile and a slight ” ‘sup ” chin-lift to people if you make eye contact.

    It should be easier for you because you’re a woman, but it works for everyone. You’ll get a few of the scardie-cats that will immediately cut their eyes, some people will look suprised and not know how to react (I’m not joking), but it’s heartwarming to see a random stranger’s eyes light up as they smile back.

    *shrug* I did this in the middle of summer a few years ago. When I was going in to DC for French classes at the USDA. I don’t things have changed that much in DC, so it should still work. 🙂 You’ll feel better and maybe you’ll brighten up the city for a few of the other inmates too.

  15. Leda

    A possible reason for choosing Blockbuster over Netflix: a subscription to Blockbuster Online includes printable in-store coupons for those times when one cannot wait for a particular movie to be delivered.

    Just a thought…

  16. playfulinnc

    I’ve found that if you have that sort of nice/won’t shoot you/has cash face, if you add a smile on top, you will get strangled/stalked/mugged.

  17. Paige Jennifer

    I was listening to the Philly local news the other night and they were reporting on a murder. The reporter went on to finish the story with, “and that brings the murder total for this year up to 392….looks like we’re going to have a chance at surpassing last year’s total.”

    This isn’t corporate America where you want this year’s numbers to be better than last year’s numbers. This is murder, people. Oy. What can you expect when the city’s being run (into the ground) by some shmoo wrapped up in a Federal probe.

  18. minijonb

    That asshat who made the comment about your dogs and you being really trusting… you should have asked him to watch your dogs while you went in to get your Rx, then come out and shoved the anti-prescription meds up his ass!

  19. LMNt

    Let me know how the doggie-toilet-training goes… I bet there’s a market for that.

  20. JohnnyDC

    Didnt they make some woman in charge of the DC PD…

    Is it getting better?

  21. Barbara

    having met S&T, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were successful in training them to use the toilet! I think we should all just hibernate until the madness if over.

  22. Marci

    Aw, Christmas kisses under the mistletoe for you!

  23. Velvet

    Elizabeth – Um, you will never babysit Sammy and Thora, that’s for sure!

    E – Netflix is a time suck. I have to find a new hobby.

    Moni – Living in a city can do that to you.

    LPM – Even when there’s a black cloud over my head? Eh, in any case, I’ve been drunk for a week straight now, so, I’ve been smiling at everyone.

    Leda – But Netflix is soooo fast! Of course it was a fecitious comment as well, just that we Americans have become the ultimate in laziness. What? You want me to walk across the street for a movie when I can just add it to my queue online? What? You want me to diet when I can just get my stomach stapled? I could go on and on.

    Playful – It’s true. I learned waiting tables that the meaner I was to the tables, the bigger the tip. Something fucked in all of that, but it works.

    Jennifer Paige – That’s cause the news people are BIG BUSINESS. Don Henley wrote Dirty Laundry about it.

    MiniJonB – But then I’d have to take medicine that tasted like ass. Well, I did drink a whole bottle of wine last night that tasted like someone pissed in the bottle…so, who knows.

    LMNt – Sammy and Thora are smarter than the average bear, err, dog.

    Johnny – Who can tell?

    Barbara – Thora is wicked smart. It’s scary. Sometimes I defer to her for decisions and Sammy and I just follow.

    Marci – Aww! I’d make out with you in a second!

  24. Elizabeth

    Lesson learned on the dog and shopping cart dealio, we never did that again…silly dog never went after anything like that before or since…however it’s not the last time he made me laugh to the point of combustion!

    Velvet I am leaving for New York this am and I wanted to swing by and wish you a Merry Xmas! ..

    Did you know that the main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the naughty girls live? I hope he treats you right this year and he brings you lots of goodies!

  25. etcetera

    velvet – i frequently tie my pups at the safeway on 17th or the rite aid at 13th and U, and i get a little anxious every time. but they’re always there, wagging their tails when i return!

    my father had 2 golden retrievers when he was my age, heidi and hugo, and he tied them up once outside a store and when he came out, heidi was gone. 🙁

    but like you, i just cross my fingers that no one is in the market for crazy curly-tailed mutt and a grey-bearded old labrador!

  26. Malnurtured Snay

    Forget armed robbery, have you seen some of the DRIVERS out there? Gaaah.

  27. Drunken Chud

    ok, elizabeth’s comment nearly made me pee myself picturing the visual. good thing i already peed.

    and i personally prefer blockbuster to netflix. i enjoy the personal interaction between my crazy counter girl and my hot manager girl at my local blockbuster.

  28. LadyDiDC

    Yikes! I had no idea what was going on in my very own neighborhood. I heard about the shooting on U on the news, and my coworker lives right across the street and was on his balcony when it happened and heard it go down. But I had no idea about the Dunkin and the Blockbuster. Of course I long ago gave up Blockbuster for Netflix and have been trying to stay far away from the Dunkin (not for fear of holdups, but for fear of my thighs getting any bigger than they already are), but still. Man, Dupont is dangerous these days. Maybe I should stay inside, too. Anyway, be safe!

  29. Old Lady

    Merry Christmas you!

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