I am sick.
I am sicker than I have been in a long time due to Food Poisoning. I feel like I am going to die. Not a good way to start off this year. Be right back. Gotta hit the bathroom.
Last night I woke up at 4 a.m. and ran to the bathroom. Ever have such a vile thing in your body that you don’t know which end it will come out first? Yeah. I sat there holding the trash can sitting on the porcelin bus, screaming for my life. Be right back, bathroom again.
So back to last night. I don’t know how, but I passed out. In the bathroom. I got hot and cold and then cold sweats, and fell and hit my head on the wall. When I woke up I could not get myself off the floor. I’m so hot. Who wouldn’t want to date me? Be right back, going to the bathroom again.
Anyway, at what point do I need to go to the ER? I am much more comfortable in my house with my own vomit and candle filled bathroom than I would be in the ER going to the bathroom in a smock. Sit tight. Going to hit the potty again.
This afternoon I vomited like the exorcist and yes, I recognized the culprit of what made me sick. Interestingly enough, it was a meal PRIOR to the last one I ate. How does that happen? Does the stomach say, “Okay, you, cheese and crackers, you are allowed by, but you butternut squash ravvies, you are staying here while we check your paperwork. Nope, sorry, you are on the do-not-fly list. Get out.” Fortunately I was awake so I didn’t choke on my own vomit a la John Bonham. Speaking of, must go vomit. Be right back.
A couple months ago, I wanted to lose like 8 lbs. so I did the ever effective South Beach Diet. I was quite happy with my weight loss. Then I had some personal traumas and lost more weight without even trying. I was at what I thought was my bottom, which was less than I wanted, but still okay. I was back to my college weight. Fine. No biggie, but all my pants keep falling off. Now with this inability to keep any food in my body, I’m unwillingly on my way to sharing a room with Nicole Richie in anorexia rehab. Fucking sucks.
Shit. Where did my boobs go? God damned it.
If anyone wants to walk Sammy and Thora (seriously) please call me.