Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Just Once, Can We Figure Out What We Keep Doing Wrong

It’s a New Year. When I did the 2006 recap, and read over the last several months of the year, it was like living it again through different eyes. Toward the end of the summer, I lost my anonymity and had a “too close for comfort” situation of readers on my blog – a convoluted mess of a boyfriend, and some of his past paramours all reading every detail. This was not a comfortable place for me at all, and sadly, I went under password. It didn’t stop one of the people from attempting some underhanded methods to bypass the password, but hey, I guess I’m just that interesting or something. Whatever. So, I came back out from the password after I got everything off my chest, but stopped posting about personal things.

You know what? That was a horrible solution. Not that I can’t try to shoot my mouth off with the best of them, but, I’m not as well rounded and let’s face it, not as smart as some of the best. I can’t hold a candle to the wit and banter you will read from bloggers like Cube, RCR, the Circ, and Jordan Baker. I’m not as aware and appreciative of my surroundings as Barbara and Reya, making myself the worst “witness” anyone would want in a courtroom. (“What color was the bank robber’s shirt Velvet?” “Um, he was wearing a shirt? I don’t know, but I was chewing gum that day!”) My stories are nowhere near as “The Simpsons” style clever like Ninja’s, nor are they the best-all-around of I66’s. And I’m not well versed in all things pop-culture like one KassyK.

Unless I pick a fight with one of the cops, or Sammy and Thora vomit off my balcony, I’m so much more suited to writing about boys and sex, sex and boys, drinking, and pills. Besides, that’s what Velvet in Dupont was created for anyway.

So began my New Year’s conundrum. I wondered seriously if I should just hang this up. I thought about starting another blog, but, the thought of that tires me. I prefer to keep going with this one until it dies. I do like my privacy in many ways, but, I’ve got so many awesome readers and friends that I don’t feel like the blog is over. Then I thought, maybe I can superficially coast through some dating and well, blah. That sucks too. The thing is, Velvet is not done. The idea here was about dating in D.C. And guess what? I’m still fucking dating in D.C. Less so these days than in days past, but still, like erosion, it is a slow and painful process.

So. Fuck it. Let’s get back to it. Original and uncensored, with just enough spared to save some hurt feelings and protect my personal life. Today I’m tired and malnourished and in the mood to do a bit of gut-spilling.

In July I met Sherlock. We all know the disaster. Don’t make me relive it. I just got past my stomach virus and/or food poisoning. But since the password, and since the fall, the rollercoaster continued. All of the details are probably just the same over and over, but the bottom line is that he and I are sometimes on the same page, and sometimes we are not. Like most relationships I would imagine, when we are on the same page, everything is wonderful. And when we are not on the same page, things get really really bad. I mean, really bad. Definition of really bad was me laying in a crumpled ball at my doctor’s office saying, “You have GOT to help me!” And Doctor Hot-but-Gay has his hand on the phone and he’s hit 9-1 and is about to hit that last 1 until you assure him that this isn’t what he thinks.

So somewhere after spending a wonderful Thanksgiving together, and having a great first couple weeks in December, like the front desk at the Hyatt, I just checked right back out again. I think I’ve become so conditioned to this fucked up dating style we have here in D.C. that I now think if someone wants to see me twice inside a week then something just must be wrong with them. Okay, I’m being a bit facetious, but that’s just an example of how Sherlock and I would end up on opposite pages. The usual drill was him wanting more of my time, and my pulling back in response. When his plans suddenly changed and he was going to be in town after a planned weekend out of town, he was quite pissed that I didn’t drop my plans. I am just not the girl who fucking bails on all her friends because her boyfriend is back in town. Granted, a lot of you all do it to me. A lot of you. But I do not do it back. I do not click over to talk to a boy if I’m talking to you. I do not hang up on you if he calls. And I don’t make excuses about that. Maybe it makes me a shitty girlfriend, but, that is who I am.

After several heated exchanges, we had a less than amicable parting of the ways.

Then I realized after some things both he and I said during that conversation, that it wasn’t just so easy to walk away. I don’t then, and still don’t now think that the blame for a lot of what went wrong resides with me, but I certainly didn’t help matters.

If someone has a weakness, and you know they have this weakness, and you don’t do all that you can in your power to discourage them away from said weakness, are you somehow partially responsible for what happens?

Sure, you can argue that both parties are adults and adults make their own decisions and have to stand up for those decisions. I would agree. But I also wouldn’t walk into a room of meth addicts and start chopping, cutting, lining and snorting like a hibachi chef going for the Onion Volcano.

So, here we were, having some final, tidying up conversations. Me telling him things I think he needed to know. Him asking questions and doing the same with me. Then, as is typical for members of my family, I just shut down. I was talking and contributing and emailing and even had a phone chat or two to help iron some things out, but I kept it very business, and once it turned into a “How was your day dear” conversation, I dove off the phone, or didn’t respond to that part of the email. Then I stopped responding entirely. At least to him.

What I did respond to were so many other vices in my life. And I spent several weeks doing things to my body that oh, hurt so much and haven’t been done in ages.   When I woke up the other night with the dreaded food poisoning thing, I thought, “Here we go, this is where I finally end up in the ER for what I’ve done. And I don’t even have an emergency contact!” Shit. I should have been so lucky after what I went through for the next 48 hours.

So after several weeks of not talking to Sherlock, refusing all forms of contact even going so far as to fight with a delivery person who just wanted to deliver flowers to me on Christmas Eve so he could go home to his family and not listen to some crazy lady say, “TAKE THESE BACK AND CALL THE FUCKER WHO SENT THEM AND TELL HIM THEY WERE REFUSED,” we ended up meeting again in the strangest of ways.

Well. Not really.

Twenty minutes after I posted my death virus post Monday night and asked for someone to walk Sammy and Thora, guess who was at my door, promising no drama, buying gatorade, putting everything in my kitchen, shaking his head at the dying flowers, and walking the dogs. Yeah. If he was as mean to me as I have been to him, I would have let his dogs rot in hell.

He called to see how I was feeling last night and I was a bitch. Then I realized that I had NO REASON and was totally out of line. I apologized via text and he called. We ended up on the phone half the night. It was a good conversation. For three hours.

I don’t know what to say anymore. We are not on the same page right now. There is a lot that has happened between us to cause a lot of hurt. Hurt that I’m not sure I can recover from. This time though, I’m not going to stand idly around with my thumb up my ass. He isn’t in the picture right now, but he’s not completely out of it either. *Shrug*

With that, I’m back in the ring. And this time I’m up to something hilarious that I hope will yield some funny ass stories again. It was getting a little stale around here. So, I’m opening the window. Letting a little fresh air in. Let’s go.


  1. Nikki

    *standing ovation*

    Welcome back Velvet!

    And I was serious about the cowboys, we have the biggest outdoor rodeo here every summer….10 days of booze,wranglers, cowboy hats….YUMMY!!!

  2. Dan

    You’re such a trooper. I hope you’re not just doing this so you have exciting drama to entertain us? I mean, if you are, cool, but I’d feel bad.

  3. KassyK

    Hey sugar…I am so glad to have you back. You are always entertaining, lovely and hilarious and you are a damn good friend.

    As a semi-clone, I am the same with not dropping friends ever for a guy…and dealing with it happening to me all the time.

    In terms of love and loss–I think you are doing the best you can in an emotionally difficult situation with Sherlock and I am proud of you for dealing with it and in the meantime trying something new. I look forward to the stories.

    As always. And thanks for the shout out. I looove me some pop culture. 🙂

  4. jamy

    Any guy that comes to your aid when you’re sick can’t be all bad.

    Hope you are feeling better! Food poisoning is the worst.

  5. LLou


    I discovered your blog last fall and I instantly became a daily reader. I’ve never commented before, but I just wanted to say that while you may look at other bloggers and think that you’re not as, well, whatever, as they are – I say that’s the best part. Your blog is different – it is raw, honest and sometimes messy – which is unique. In DC everyone is so busy trying to appear so put-together, so connected, sooooo, something – that they stop being genuine. You provide relief from that by just putting it out there. Be it good, bad, positive, confusing, playful, indifferent or even painful – it is what it is. No bullshit. I don’t know about everyone else, but I appreciate that.

    If only it could catch on everywhere else…

  6. circumlocutor

    Miss Velvet–

    It has been too, too long that we’ve been apart. This blogging thang does become a bit of a chore…. but, come one, the procrastinators of the world depend on you. No one can match your storytelling skills.

    Sorry I hadn’t read about your need for a dogwalker when you actually needed one, I would have been there with leashes in hand. Email me next time…

  7. beaker

    Good to see ya back to your old ways 😉

  8. Meghan

    You’re back!

    Don’t start over.
    I did it. Hid out, began a new blog. Tired of it and came back to the old one. Yeah, no one reads anymore, but I feel better! Stick with what you know!

    And you do it SO damn well.

  9. E :)

    Don’t ever let anyone censor you Velvet. You are an absolutely incredible writer and sell yourself very short on this point. If only my blog could be as engaging as yours and many of the others that I’m addicted to!

  10. homeimprovementninja

    Thanks for the compliment. I like to think of myself as the poor man’s hemingway…okay, maybe I’m the homeless man’s hemingway.

    Anyway, I know last year had some rough patches, I hope this year works out better for you 🙂

  11. I-66

    James Ingram.

    Make the magic last for more than just one night?

    I suppose, but that means I’ll have to actually pack an overnight bag.

  12. Wicked H

    I guess I will renew my prescription for allergy meds if the windows are going to be left open. Let the games begin. My favorite libation in hand, let’s roll Velvet.

    We got your back girlfriend!

  13. Rachel

    Velvet ~

    Girl, I am so glad that you have decided not to censor yourself.
    I actually loved all of your writing whether it was about DC cops, your old job or about dating in DC. You have a quality to your writing that completely sucks me in and I can see it like a movie in my head.
    Whatever you decide to write about is fine with me. I will be a faithful reader regardless.

  14. JohnnyDC


    Get yourself back to NY and getyourself some mancandy.

    You know, 6′ tall, hawt… horny.


  15. jordanbaker


    That is all.

  16. Not So Little Woman

    I love that you are back to the original purpose of VinD. Mostly, I love that you are not censoring yourself anymore. If there is anything that helps with the shit in our lives is letting it all out.

    Oh, and whoever said love was not complicated, lied. I too have had yet another chapter in my own Saga. *sigh*. I hope it all works out the best for you, darlin’, as in my case it’s pretty much done.

  17. hey pretty

    He clearly cares about you. Perhaps you could be friends somewhere down the road. I know–sounds wacky, but trust me (I’m an expert on this) way stranger things have happened.

  18. JohnnyDC

    On the serious side, dating in DC is hard cuz like both peeps will have completely different schedules, etc, and all of a sudden like Brad Pitt and Jenny Anniston, he is off porking Angie Jolie because you were at the doggy spa and shit.

    But WTF do I know.

  19. LMNt

    Sounds like a rough situation, but you’re dealing with it relatively well.

    Also, glad the debauchery is back. Own it.

  20. *A*

    whoo hoo welcome back! i love your stories either way, but i think the ones the resonate the most with people are the most personal….bravo to you for having the guts to come back after everything you went thru!

  21. rcr

    I, for one, enjoy stories about sex, drinking, drugs, and pills. Welcome back. And thank you for the complement.

  22. playfulinnc

    Wear knee pads and ankle braces.

    It’s rough out there!


  23. Velvet

    Nikki – I can’t stomach the idea of 10 days of booze right now. But 10 days of cowboys. Uh…that sounds…um….be right back.

    Dan – No, I’m doing it for me me me!

    KK – I love that you don’t drop the girls for the boys. I’m currently talking to one of our other friends for doing that to me! She just laughs at me! She. Will. Pay!

    Jamy – How did I know you would say that, since you had the sick issue come up just recently? HA!

    LLou – Thank you. That was such a nice compliment, and believe me, I was not fishing for them. Just comparing my general interest stuff to others, and noting that they can do it so much better.

    Circ – It HAS been way too long. We haven’t discussed our respective on-again-off-again relationships. Though you see here what happened with mine, so yeah, you’re all up to speed. And the Turk?

    Beaker – I couldn’t stay gone for long.

    Meghan – Yeah, dual blogs become hard to manage. And eventually people find the new one and you’re right back where you started.

    E:) – Thank you!!

    Ninja – Did you donate that gay sweater yet? How’s Velma? Okay. I’ll be good.

    I66 – I Loooove James Ingram. I think Quincy Jones did a version of this song too. Not sure whose it really was first. Pack your overnight bag, but if you’re staying all night I ain’t paying for you in that auction!

    Wicked H – Ohhh. Libations. Must refrain. But feel free to crack one open for me until I recover!

    Rachel – Thank you. How is the mitten state these days?

    Johnny – You WERE my mancandy until you went and got married. Damn you.

    Jordan Baker – I know you love the smut. I know you love it. I’ll do my best. I promise!

    NSLW – Oh no! What happened now?

    Hey Pretty – I can hope. Though I’ve not managed to be friends with any of my exes.

    LMNt – I do own my debauchery! I plan to own a lot more of it!

    *A* – Well, this time if someone turns up the drama in my life I can choose to participate or bail and ignore. Not sure which I will pick, but I’ve learned that I have a lot of friends (all you kids) who come to my back quicker than even I do.

    RCR – You are welcome. I was sad to see you were recently pondering hanging it up as well, but am happy you are continuing.

    Playful – Knee Pads are part of my bedroom attire! I’ll get them out right now!

  24. I-66

    …she started wearing a helmet after the multiple head-sized indentations were left in the headboard.

    I kept telling her it wouldn’t happen if she let me pull her hair but nooooo. Wouldn’t listen.

  25. bettyjoan

    I love ya, whether you’re blogging about dogs or dating or doo doo! 🙂 Welcome to 2007, beeyotch–the year of Velvet!

  26. Barbara

    I’m ready. Can’t wait to see/hear what happens next! Sorry you were so sick and I missed it. You can always call me anytime day or night and I will come take care of your dogs.

  27. Laura

    Yay! Velvet is back, bitches! Actually, I didn’t think you ever left. Sure, censoring yourself is not fun if it’s in your nature to be out there. Sure, we liked living vicariously through your adventures, your highs and lows. But it’s deeper than that. I think the reason people feel so loyal and are on your side is because you write the way we think and wish we could articulate – hence, when you need to write less personally everyone still has your back and understands when things go dark for awhile. That said, glad you are jumping back into the fray. Good luck!

  28. Elizabeth

    I’m looking forward to the ride.

  29. LPM

    I loves me some Shakepear quotin’ (Yay, google!),

    Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy judgement.
    Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
    But not express’d in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
    For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
    And they in France of the best rank and station
    Are of a most select and generous chief in that.
    Neither a borrower, nor a lender be;
    For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
    And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
    This above all: to thine own self be true,
    And it must follow, as the night the day,
    Thou canst not then be false to any man.
    -Polonius (Hamlet)

  30. elvis

    I dig it. You’re back! Gonna make a little sandwich, put some mustard on it. Put it on plate, wrap it up. Set it aside, so next time you write, I got something to munch on as I read your stories.

  31. Scarlet

    Aw, glad Thora and Sammy got walked and I am intrigued by what you have planned.

  32. AussieEm

    Hip hip hooray! Dating Daring and Darling Velvet in Dupont is back in the saddle again. 😉 Happy hunting sweets. I hope you have as much luck with it as I have had. 🙂

    Awww, spot the loved-up sappy girly girl, right here. *face palm* I make even myself cringe. *sigh*

  33. bejeweled

    Ahh, V- I always wondered what happend to Sherlock… had a sneeking suspicion. Some people are meant to ‘be’ in or lives, whether good or bad. Whatever comes out of it, or with any other man to grace your presence, I feel honored to read about your life. I heart your honesty and bravery for putting it all out there! Cheers to you in 2007~ hugs from the Lou!

  34. lgcll

    sigh… this reminds me of my situation these days… me and the (x)gf are on “separate pages,” or however you put it, as well. we love each other, but just can’t be together… we’re at different spots in our lives. both physically and in perspective, i suppose. it’s sad. we’ve been making the best of the time we have left, but there’s not much of that anymore. every time we have a good day together, it makes it all the more sad. but then there are days when i just want her gone. it’s hard to tell what’s in our future, but it always is.

    good luck making whatever decision you have to make.

  35. Hungry

    Damn girl, it is good to finally read that you have your fuck ’em all attitude back for 07!! I know you took a few knocks last year with the whole Sherlock drama, but you cannot let the bastards get you down. Hope you feel better soon. 🙂

  36. LPM

    My ex and I are the same way. We keep missing each other too. Mainly because, since the DC Sniper episode, I make it a point to run serpentine from my car to cover and that I suck and math and can’t adjust for windage, so I’m always missing her by “that” much.

  37. suicide_blond


  38. Drunken Chud

    i’m with you on the not dropping everything for the girl. what? your plans changed? nice to hear it. mine didn’t. wanna come along? no? you want to spend a quiet night at home. ahh, have fun with that. join you? no. what part of “my plans haven’t changed” didn’t you get?

    i used to have a friend, and looking back, i should have stopped talking to him when he pulled this move: he used to be a projectionist at a local theater, and after hours we decided to have a double feature. both of us being super night owls, so we bought a bunch of beer put it on ice and watched a movie. went up to the booth, threaded up the next movie, set the cues, and then his girlfriend called. drunk off her ass with a couple of her harpy girlfriends after bar closing and she’s screaming drunkenly into the phone for him to come over and hang out. of course, she’s practically passing out on the phone. so he decided to go. which meant no movie for me. the movie we talked about all week. the movie we had threaded, had the beer down in the theater and ashtrays set up. he asked me did i mind? i asked him, “you want to skip this, to go to her house, where you know she’ll be passed out by the time you get there and won’t even remember you being there?” he said yeah. that’s when i realized what kind of friend he wasn’t. and a couple years later he truly proved it. but still, that’s a dick move and a half.

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