In my attempt to get my mind off Thora, who goes to a specialist tomorrow, how about something light hearted. Clearly this post is just for the girls.
Dear Lucky Magazine,
The only reason I have had a subscription to you since the very beginning of your life is because I love a magazine about clothes and makeup without any articles about how to get your man in bed or how to check yourself for breast cancer every 4 minutes. That said, uh, what the fuck is up with your November issue? I have two problems: Paris Hilton and everything else. Yes. That’s correct.
Paris Hilton. A four page spread (pun intended) with her ugly face hawking yet another perfume? Four pages? Are you so desperate for ad money that you have to give her four pages? And didn’t you notice that she looks dead or just very mannequin like in the picture? I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, you sell media to advertisers who cater to your demographic. I just don’t see the woman reading Lucky as the same woman who wants to smell like Paris Hilton. But, then perhaps my next complaint explains this issue.
The First Annual Shopping Awards. When you are polling your readers to ask them about their favorites, try not to poll people in unfashionable parts of the country, okay? Because, I promise you, promise promise promise, that there is indeed a better beauty counter than Macy’s. Macy’s? Really? How about Nordstrom? Bergdorfs? Bloomingdales? (It’s like no other store in the world!) I also bet you that the best selection of Emerging Designers is definitely not contained inside Nordstrom. Again, I am partial to Bergdorf’s but what can I say? I’m a New Yorker at heart.
I had to hold my breath for the next round of crap – Chain Stores.
Best Shoes – Nine West. (Someone kill me. Please. Stab me with a stiletto. I worked for Nine West. These shoes are horribly made.)
Best Lingerie – Victoria’s Secret. (You know, earlier today I was wearing Victoria’s Secret underwear, but then they disintregated right off my body and now I’m going commando.)
Best Denim – The Gap. (I just threw up in my mouth, on the floor and on the guy next to me. Sorry dude. Then I passed out when I realized that Lucky’s fashion editor said, “Express has brilliant jeans.” Am I the only one here? What is going on here? Am I in some twisted episode of The Twilight Zone?)
Best Party Clothes – Forever 21. (Well, here we go. Here’s the contingency of voters who also want to smell like Paris Hilton.)
Best denim website – The Gap. (Oh. My. God. Do they not have anything other than the motherfucking Gap online? Are you people the same assholes who picked “c” for every question you didn’t know on your SAT’s?)
Everyone has a bad couple days Lucky. Okay? But you shouldn’t go to press when you do. I want to hear what YOU fashion-whores think are the best stores – not what the rest of the country thinks. The only peep I want to hear from readers in other places are about their local boutiques that might be great places to shop. And yes, I AM sitting here in Lucky Jean Brand Sweatpant shorts and a wifebeater that says LUCKY as I type – not to be confused with your Lucky. Now, about my attire. So?
a.k.a. No longer in Fashion, but still the Fashion Police!