A tiny bit of my soul was sucked out of me when I realized I may have become the person I never thought I would. Because I just totally, like ohmygod, gag me with a spoon, betrayed the 13 year old in me. You know, the one who I promised I would never become “one of them.”
I remain vehemently opposed to things like myspace. I just don’t get it. I’m sorry. I can’t understand its purpose beyond a ridiculous time-vortex. I maintain a basic profile for the sole purpose of chatting with (read: keeping tabs on) my best friend’s teenage girls. Very specifically, one of them. My friend told me one night on the phone that they had recent pictures on their myspace, so I logged on, created a quickie profile and they added me as a friend. We exchanged comments and I (again! Where does this come from? Sometimes I make myself sick!) told them things like “Get the best grades you can.” They respond that they are trying but…blah blah…boys…blah blah and I’m like, “Trust me, get the best grades you can. Plenty of people will want to tell you that ‘You can’t.’ Don’t let them have another reason to weed you out of whatever it is you want. Get good grades!” I check up on them every now and again to make sure they are behaving. The girls are ridiculously beautiful for 12 and 13. Seriously. I’m not just saying that. Like people say how cute their own babies are. No. No. No. These girls are fucking mega hot.
So, one of them is not behaving. She is not even close to behaving. She is 13 going on 24 with full makeup and dressing like Christina Aguilera in that brief but horrifying time between the innocent “Genie in a Bottle” and the classy “Ain’t No Other Man.” For someone whose theme song is “Girls Girls Girls,” the half naked female doesn’t shock me. But when the half naked female is my friend’s daughter? Oh. Oh. Not good.
Here’s the email I sent:
Hey. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but “13 year old’s” myspace profile seems to include pictures of her in a bra and undies. Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing? You will need to log in to see because she blocks non friends. Here’s my id and password. Call me if you need me to walk you through it.
She replied with: “FUCK! I’m having A LOT of problems with her.”
I replied with, “Oh my god I’m a tattletale.”
Within minutes the entire myspace profile came down. What have I become? I know I did the right thing. I know I did. But that 13 year old inside of me who is spinning the Cutting Crew’s “I Just Died In Your Arms” on a 45 record, passing time until Friday night so she can drool over Don Johnson in Miami Vice is pissed off. Real pissed off. And I don’t know if she will ever forgive me.