Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Wanna Take a Ride on Your Disco Stick

X and I had a great time in New York. We managed to escape each place containing my family just prior to an implosion. Because X and my parents rise before the roosters, there were several hours on Saturday and Sunday   morning where he was alone with them. Scary. Though, he did well.

I should probably say that the highlight of last Saturday was seeing my nieces in this unprovoked-by-adults act of sweetness in Central Park…

but…the day wasn’t over. X and I ate dinner in Little Italy, and that, like the Keys, are one of the memories we have that we talk about all the time. So, um, sorry nieces. You’re highlight #2. Being #2 isn’t so bad, is it? Well, too bad. Maybe you should try harder next time. Just try to outdo that Cannoli. Try. I dare you.

X and I left New York really late. In the Holland Tunnel I had these grandiose ideas about having sex when we got back home because you know I wouldn’t let him lay a finger on me at my parent’s house. But then we didn’t get back to his place until after midnight which put me home closer to 12:45 a.m. with work in the morning. No sex. Damn it. I had vowed we would make up for lost time by hopping in bed, but that wasn’t to be. We figured we would catch up for lost loving this past weekend but then we found out his kids and my friend would all be joining us at the beach house. Damn.

Unable to wait any longer, X and I closed the door and ripped off our clothes on Friday night. But then we realized it was just a little too noisy, and this is where things go awry. We got out of bed and went into the bathroom and turned on the shower to drown out the noise. I hopped up on the counter and we finished. Relief. Finally.

I slid off the counter and caught something on my hand. It was gooey. I said, “Um, was there a wayward shot?” He said, “Weren’t you in the room too?” I said, “Well, there’s something weird all over me. Turn on the light.”

X flipped on the light and there’s neon blue toothpaste (with mintstrips!) all over the vanity and all down the side of my leg. X? Did you need to brush your teeth? Just scrape the toothbrush against my thigh. Make sure you get some mint strips. Don’t miss the glob by my ankle.


  1. Cyndy

    So I guess somebody left the cap off the toothpaste. At least it was convenient to jump back in the shower!

  2. AussieEm

    Just thank your lucky stars it wasn’t deep heat/tiger balm/icyhot or whatever the hell you call it in your corner of the world. I’ve heard some horror stories about that stuff getting in/on the wrong places!

  3. brookem

    ha, i love it. good for you, and um, glad you finally got yours. that’s a lot of waiting.

  4. brookem

    ps- i dont know why this is the first time im commenting here. by the looks of your bloggyroll, we clearly frequent a bunch of the same blogbeats. happy to have stumbled over here!

  5. Velvet

    Cyndy – Yeah, you would think the shower would have been my next spot. But no. I just went to bed. Yes. I’m THAT lazy.

    Aussie Em – Ooh. I’m glad you mention that. I do have Icy Hots, though I don’t leave them laying around the counter, fortunately!

    Brooke M – Freckled told me recently that she read and loved you and that I would too. So now I have to go check it out! Thanks for coming by.

  6. Divorcee

    Great job Velvet, love the suspense!

  7. Barbara

    You are too funny! Toothpaste has a very suburban sound to it…

  8. Washington Cube

    All I could think when I read that was “kissing fresh,” then I realized if you had any on your ass, maybe not such a nice thing to say.

  9. LiLu

    I’m really impressed someone got them into matching dresses… I think my sister or I would have lost an eye before that happened.

  10. Phil

    I miss NY. It’s been too long.

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