Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

I Read the News Today Oh Boy Part 2

It’s your favorite! Time to rip apart the local yocal beach paper from Delaware. It was a little harder this time to get the images off their website. X is convinced they are on to me. But I prevailed! I used a scanner! In some pictures I even underlined the parts of the items in question that I find so comical.

X couldn’t understand why a dead baby made me cackle for 10 minutes. It’s not the dead baby, it’s the fact that she couldn’t find the baby when she woke up! Or what about that she slept in bed with the baby to begin with. X, if we have babies, we will not hire a nanny from Delaware!!!

The police and fire wrap up includes the following two articles, side by side.

The burglar broke in to eat some Barbeque? That takes balls! And did it ever occur to them that the dead guy breaking into business might be the same one doing all the other burglarizing?

Oh, X, I found a place we can send the kids to camp!!

And just a happy little picture from some festival.  Am I the only one who think the mom and bear look…related?

Let’s stop in with Miss Manners and see what she’s up to. The second question is better than the first, which was inadvertently cut off slightly.

Why Miss Manners? Have you met Miss Bitter? Miss Bitter lives with Miss Miserable and Miss Alone.

Another great headline…

Where do you put your butt? Mine goes on the toilet. Sometimes it goes in X’s face, butt that’s for another time. Get it? Butt? Ha.

Last one. My favorite this week. Read the entire article. It’s just great.

The front bumper sentence made me cry I was laughing so hard. And that picture doesn’t show any jabbering with witnesses. It just shows him playing pocket pool.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sigh. This is what X and I are surrounded with when we head to the beach. There’s another newspaper out there but I can’t find it online and it’s too painful to scan this particular article I wanted to share. It would seem that someone in our subdivision (how dare they turn on me!) got themselves the lucky break to be writing a column for the locals!   I read it to X over the phone and he had to put me on hold to stab out his eyeballs.

 

 

8 Comments

  1. homeimprovementninja

    I can’t read what miss manners said, it’s too fuzzy. How will I know the answer to my question that i submitted to a small town paper in Delaware for some advice from a matronly woman who is uncorrupted by big city ways?

  2. Velvet

    Ninja – Yeah, sorry about that. I can’t get it to scan properly. This lady writes in saying she can’t find a job and Miss Manners goes off on this tirade about how all these people who shipped the jobs overseas should do jail time. It’s very random. And angry.

    Cube – I know you love this stuff. It is so funny to sit there with X and read the paper in tears.

  3. Phil

    I love it.

    At least once a week, I have to email the playaz a story and ask “is it wrong that I laughed at this?” Usually, the answer is ‘yes’ – but I just can’t help it.

    Nothing funny about dead babies, but definitely something funny about dumba$$ nannies.

  4. Forgot What Alias I Was Going to Use

    FINALLY! Although, I couldn’t read much of the “Manners Matter” text, the photos and name Mary Beth made me strangely cackle for a few minutes. Also giggled at the last story — front bumper fell off when they tried to stop the horn::::LOL!

  5. Redhead

    Reminds me of where I grew up. The “social” column was who went over to someone else’s house to eat Sunday dinner. Ah…the innocence.

  6. Divorcee

    Those had me cracking up! What was the nanny doing some funny juice that night? Love the bumper one!

  7. the fish

    muahahahah. good stuff.

    (by the way, the term is “local yokel”)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

© 2020 Velvet in Dupont

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑