Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Pretty Eyed Pirate Smile

You know, I’ve had that line on my list as a possible title, and I thought I would never get to use it. Whouda thunk I would end up with a crooked smile?

First, a disclaimer. The “resignation letter” was supposed to be “tongue-in-cheek.” AH HA HA HA! I kill myself. Tongue in cheek. So funny. Well, funny to me. But we all know, I have no intention of resigning from the dating world. It’s just too comical.

Now, let’s zip up some old business. The Bartender is no more. It was foolish of me to shit where I eat, so to speak, however, I was willing to – in the name of fun. But it isn’t fun anymore. The Bartender, for his young age, has baggage. I hate baggage.

I received a text message Friday morning sent by The Bartender but clearly not intended for me. While I care absolutely zero of the content of said message, it basically illustrates that this ex girlfriend drama is a two-way street, as much instigated by him as it is her. So I’m staring at my phone realizing this isn’t meant for my eyes. Here we have come full circle. Finally I get to see something he feels that I’m not supposed to know.

Then he called me, not realizing what had just happened. I read him the text message. We had a conversation about mostly unimportant details but he said things about his ex and how she found my blog by some information he gave her and how she reads it. (When they were handing out “lives” she must have forgotten to get in line.) Now, hold that thought for a minute as I must tell you that hours after all this happened, I got a copy of the Post Express and read, among other things, my horoscope:

  • You’ll get a tell tale sign from a friend early in the day that will give you all the information you need to know right now.

I was eating lunch with a friend and spit out my sandwich. Well, okay, that wasn’t hard to do since half my mouth doesn’t work anyway. So I tell my friend about my morning, then read the horoscope out loud. In shock. It’s like it was written for me. Then I said, “I’m done.”

Why am I done? I refuse to be in the middle of some teenage drama. I’m not here to help some girl keep tabs on her old boyfriend. I’m not here to listen to sob stories from The Bartender and how he can’t shake this leech of an ex. I’ve said above, and to so many of you in comments on your own blogs that “When it isn’t fun anymore, it isn’t worth it.” And this, my friends, just passed the last stop of fun, heading to a place I don’t want to go.

I don’t get harassed by my ex-boyfriends because I move, change my number, become invisible, stop returning phone calls – whatever it takes to get them out of my life. I so systematically removed myself from a long-term relationship that it took his entire family months to realize they had no way to get in contact with me. It’s clear that The Bartender thrives on this drama, and I’m just not in 7th Grade anymore. If one of my ex-boyfriends current girlfriends was writing a blog, I would log into it exactly ZERO times. Why? Because I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHAT MY EX-BOYFRIENDS ARE DOING! That’s why they have the “ex” in front of their prior label of “boyfriend.”

To the ex-girlfriends who can’t get over the boy and pine away for him, grasping for what little they can find out about him, get a life.

To the ex-boyfriends who love this attention, pretend they don’t invite it, but still entertain it anyway, grow up.

My “mistake” in all of this is, well, that I have not told The Bartender that we’re through. Maybe his ex-girlfriend can call him and tell him.

Soon, I’ll have to move, because I will have officially dated (and been hated by) every man in Washington D.C. and the suburbs.


  1. Rhinestone Cowgirl

    Woman, you are so like me – when you are done, you’re DONE. The end. Here’s to moving on and moving up…

  2. I-66

    yeeeES! Onward and upward!

  3. Jamy

    Sorry it didn’t work out. With my recently fizzled romance I seem to be hoping that others have more luck than I. But no! Damn it.

    Well, we can drink our way to happiness at the next meetup.

    I’m with you on the clean break. It’s the only way to go.
    Breaking up with someone on the blog has got to be a first, though. You are a trailblazer!

  4. Kristin

    If he’s going to send you her messages, then he obviously can’t distinguish between ex and current. Unless your names are the same. Are your names the same? Because that’s kind of creepy.

    It has been kind of interesting to see a relationship evolve and devolve on a blog. I am sure the ex agrees. As she’s reading about the woman who replaced her and that’s kind of creepy on a whole other level.

  5. Anonymous

    What is freaky….I think we are living the same life (except for the bells palsy thing) but in different cities! Are you sure that Holly hasn’t told you about my dating life and you are just writing about me? (ha!) I got a text not intended for me too! Hmmmmm. Sorry to hear about the drama. NEVER FUN! Best of luck. Hope things get a little better soon. Keep on writing!

    ….Holly’s neighbor in ATL.

  6. Kayla

    I must say right here.. right now.. I do NOT understand the misdirected text message. I have gotten TWO from my ex – intended for his current. His currents name = Andrea. My name = Kayla. Honey, we aren’t even CLOSE in your alphabetized phone book. The first message was dribble, the second message told her (well me) how he couldn’t wait to see her later that night and that he loved her. That was a REAL gem. I don’t typically completely cut my ex’s out of my life (I mean, I liked this people at some point) – but this one I told to please, please, please delete me from his phone book, delete me from his life. Oh, I digress.

  7. Velvet

    RC / I66: I expect you will be right alongside me as I do that moving onward and upward!

    Jamy: Do we have to go to the “usual” blogger meetup? Can we go to the other one that Kathryn runs?

    Kristin – Must…have…more…men….

    Holly’s neighbor (Laura, uh, unless you don’t want your name posted) and Kayla: Erroneous text messages are hilarious. And the horoscope didn’t steer me wrong on Friday, did it.

  8. AsianMistress

    I hate dating guyslike that (who love the attention, pretend they don’t invite it, but still entertain it anyway)…I refuse to play that game.

  9. Sub Girl

    that totally sucks! but i can see the humor in it. seriously, lack of men in this area!

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