Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. I’m still not pleased that the damn guards at my heart went out for a piss break and left the place unmanned. Then some asshole got in and shit all over the place. Lazy guards. You just can’t find good help these days. I hired extra guards and expect that all points of entry have been armed.
Anyway, I put up an ad on Craigslist, just to find one decent guy to date so that I could get my mind past this NewJersey thing. And guess who emailed my blind ad, not knowing it was me? Yes. It’s really a joke, I know. Damn irony.
- Hi there, Your ad caught my eye. I too am looking for the real thing. I’ve always seen dating as a means to find that special someone. Of course I’m going to have some fun fun along the way. Measuring someone up as a potential life partner is a lot of pressure to put ona coffee date. We share many of the characteristics you specified inyour posting. I’m 35, white, live in DC, not religious, witty (I’d like to think), and often dripping with sarcasm. I have a master’s degree and am a very intellectually curious fellow. I’ve attached a pic. I’ll tell you more about myself if I make it past the initial screening process. 🙂
Ok, before I get a bunch of comments saying “Well, you’re trying again, why should he??” I get that. Believe me, I get it. It would have just been nice if I didn’t have to get that email from him, not knowing he was sending it to me – not recognizing the stats as potentially mine.
“Velvet, this is Craigslist A.A. calling. Step away from the computer.”
Jeebus. It could have been worse: I once went out with a guy from match, and we had one of those too-many-drinks-end-up-in-bed dates and I never heard from him again. Then, he emailed me via match a year later to ask why we had never gotten together previously. WTF? I’m on a self-imposed ohline dating hiatus…
2/28/2006 10:27:27 AM
I Gizoogled CL New Jersey’s e-mail to you… it’s really much better this way… and provides some much needed humor..
Hi there, Yo ad caught mah eye cuz its a doggy dog world. I too am look’n fo` tha real th’n . Freak y’all, into the beat y’all. I’ve always seen pimpin` as a means ta find tizzy special someone yeah yeah baby. Of course I’m going ta hizzy some fun fun along tha way gangsta style. Measur’n someone up as a potential life motherfucka is a lot of pressure ta put ona coffee dizzle in tha mutha fuckin club. We share many of tha characterizzles you specified inyo ballin’. I’m 35, white, live in DC, not religious, W-I-Double-Tizzy (I’d like ta think), n often dripp’n wit sarcasm. I have a masta’s degree n am a very intellectually curious fellow but real niggaz don’t give a fuck. I’ve attached a pic. I’ll tell you mizzy `bout me if I makes it past tha initial ballin’ process fo gettin yo pimp on. 🙂
2/28/2006 10:47:22 AM
Sandra Dee said…
Kayla. Priceless. I hope Velvet thinks it’s equally as funny.
2/28/2006 10:53:26 AM
Whatever you do, don’t even think about NJ. Let him go prey on someone else.
2/28/2006 11:02:47 AM
That shit is incredible, Kayla. haha!
This reminds of that episode of Jem where Jerrica and Rio broke up in Greece and she made a new hologram went around as a completely different person. Rio was still attracted to her, no matter what she looked like.
He may always be attracted, but you already know he’s a flake. You should just make a filter that filters all his email straight into the trash, so you don’t have to see any of his responses, ever.
2/28/2006 11:17:10 AM
goodness. what are the odds? are you going to let him know it’s you? I’m thinking no…
2/28/2006 11:26:51 AM
Siryn: I love that you brought up Jem!
2/28/2006 11:51:10 AM
Ms. M the Mixin’ Vixen said…
wow. seriously, what are the odds?!?
2/28/2006 12:02:20 PM
i am on a self-imposed hiatus also. i think online dating may not work. maybe for 2% of the population. Women are looking for a relationship; men, who knows?
Hang in there velvet. Sorry he is so lost. But it is his problem; not yours!!!
2/28/2006 12:08:10 PM
I’m tellin’ ya, we need to go after some real life men. Go to bars and we can drown our sorrows and smile at strangers. CL–CL who?
2/28/2006 12:13:12 PM
Bilious Pudenda said…
” dripping with sarcasm ” Hmmmm, not interested. But, If you find a bloke “dripping with gonococcal discharge”, ooze him my way. I like a challenge.
Big Sis using little brother’s byline
2/28/2006 12:40:02 PM
Omg…it’s so horrible you just have to laugh. I’m bitchy enough to start a fake relationship, get him excited and leave him hanging.
2/28/2006 01:01:32 PM
Washington Cube said…
Time to walk away from CL.
2/28/2006 01:25:05 PM
I think you should let your many fans organize setting you up with pre-screened guys we like who we think might be worthy of you.
I don’t know of a one, myself, at least not in the DC area.
Though I’d totally match you up with Rob Lowe from Roblowecanyougo. He’s a hottie and I could see you getting along.
Long distance sucks, though.
In the meantime, I say…the best way to get over one guy is to get under another. A boy-bimbo, just a little palate cleaner.
But then, I’m jaded. Have a very clean palate, but am totally jaded.
Other readers– what do you think? Is there anyone in your acquaintance worthy of our Velvet?
2/28/2006 01:47:42 PM
Also– you’re not going to respond, are you? Let him think he didn’t make the cut.
2/28/2006 01:48:16 PM
Lady K said…
Wow…the fates are just messin’ with ya, aren’t they??
That is unreal…..
Hang in there.
2/28/2006 02:34:29 PM
Holy crap. That’s just weird. I certainly wouldn’t mind messing with him a little, although El Guapo certainly has skills far beyond anything I could ever aspire to.
Ignore him, and go for the palate cleanser. It’s therapeutic.
2/28/2006 02:42:20 PM
Whisky Pants – Oh my. Online dating does suck, doesn’t it?
Kayla – Um. This tells me you have too much time on your little hands today.
Sandra Dee – Don’t egg her on! Ok, it was funny though.
Barbara – I’m trying.
Siryn – shoulda listened to you..
Larissa – No way. Wish I had it in me to mess with him a la El Guapo, but I can’t.
Vixen – I know. Like a big slap in the face.
ChicGirl – There has GOT to be a better way.
Jamy – Let’s do it.
S (under BP’s name) – You definitely have the same blood in your veins as BP.
Flameon – I’m thinking about that.
Cube – Wiser words were never spoken.
CCG – I can’t bring myself to respond. Though he wouldn’t recognize the email, I just don’t know if I can do it. I’m open to giving someone the user name and password though…
Lady K – Yup. Must get away from CL.
2/28/2006 02:43:14 PM
Scot in DC said…
You should post a picture of him or his email as a public service announcement.
2/28/2006 02:44:01 PM
Why don’t you write to him from a different email address, with a different persona, and then after started a torrid correspondance, tell him that (yawn!) he just isn’t doing it for you and you’re not really that attracted to him.
I wish voodoo worked over CL. I am sticking pins into his eyes.
I’m not normally vindictive, but he was gaslighting you, my dear. (As in Charles Boyer in “Gaslight”, driving Ingrid Bergman crazy with inconsistancy.)
It pisses me off. Grrrr.
2/28/2006 03:40:57 PM
In fact, Iwouldn’t be surprised if he actually guessed that it was your posting, and responded to it just to mess with your head.
2/28/2006 03:43:01 PM
hah. what a fucker of an asshat.
2/28/2006 04:39:34 PM
The fates are cruel. I can only hope that he gets his heart broken by someone else. It’s only fair. Well, broken heart and/or crabs.
2/28/2006 06:11:43 PM
Ok, do all those good things, but I am with CCGirl…pretend away, get your buddy El Guapo on it, and I’ll be back by April 3 to take him on the nightmare date from hell.
Girls Behaving Badly’s got nuthin on what we can dream up.
2/28/2006 06:32:54 PM
Mappy B said…
Holy F. I can’t believe that. Have you tried eHarmony, Match, or any of those sites? I haven’t known anyone to meet someone off Craig’s List yet, so just a suggestion.
Man, definately drop that zero and get with a real hero. (That’s my only line – sorry!)
2/28/2006 08:45:28 PM
Wow, what are the chances? I’d be afraid to find out that they’re actually pretty small. Between IJL and CL, the computerized matchmaking gods aren’t shining upon you at the moment.
Perhaps it’s time for a little Netflix and Ben & Jerry’s to regroup, then heading out on the town with some gals to meet some real, non-digital guys?
2/28/2006 10:50:56 PM
That is too funny that you just blogged about Craigslist. I just went on there for the first time Sunday night and wrote about my experience. I caught an eye full. Not sure I want to venture back. It scared me..
2/28/2006 11:33:47 PM
why dont u call your cuz mercedes :-p
3/01/2006 10:28:44 AM
Yeah it would be so tempting to eff with him. I’d be worried about “karma” or something. Or maybe reply with a picture of you flicking him off.
3/01/2006 10:54:40 AM
Crazy Girl City said…
What in the hell?! Ah the irony.
We need to head out again one night soon. This will work out well.
A. I don’t have a life and need to get out more and B. perhaps we can find some decent gents to mingle with somewhere.
3/01/2006 02:41:59 PM
My guards are out on a smoke break, taking their damn time and it’s starting to piss me off. I think they are taking the hint, cuz today I am finally feeling more sassy than I have in the past couple of weeks. WTF? He wasn’t even worth it…I hate that.
3/01/2006 04:44:59 PM
My guards are space cadets. 🙂
3/02/2006 01:46:44 AM
Velvet, where’s the beef? Tighten this up — I need more literature. I ain’t seen a post for days and I’m getting the shakes, sweats, shivers cause I got cut off reading cold turkey.
3/02/2006 06:03:04 PM