Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Don’t Go Away Mad, Just Go Away

The reason updating has been so slow is twofold. 1) There’s not a lot going on in the life of Velvet. 2) I’m trying to move the blog off blogger to the domain. It’s coming soon, but still working out the kinks.

Saturday night I went out with a new friend from the dog park. We hit the Local 16 / Chi Cha circuit. When we got into Chi Cha, we took a place near the back, with our drinks, and surveyed the crowd. It’s typical for people to not move through bars at breakneck speed. But I noticed someone walking through incredibly fast, as if he was looking for someone. He walked right past us, and I glanced up and realized I knew him. Not only did I know him, but I’ve dated him.

Enter the Horny Hungarian, stage left. When he realized it was me he was within five feet of, he took off like a rabid animal on red bull running from a gun pointing Dick Cheney. He took off right into the kitchen of Chi Cha, where he was promptly kicked out.

He had to come right back by me, and as he did he got right in my ear and said, “What the fuck are you looking at?” Oh boy. My friend said, “Did he just say what I think he did?” I confirmed for her. She asked why he would say that. I told her he’s perhaps the most ungracious of any men I’ve tried to end things with.

Horny Hungarian: So, want to get together again?
Me: I’m not really feeling this. I’m sorry.
HH: Well, why don’t we just have sex. A Friends-With-Benefits type thing?
Me (thinking he deserves credit for coming out and asking this instead of trying to manipulate it into happening:) No, because I’m really not feeling you like that.
HH: Ok. Fine. I won’t touch you. We can watch each other masturbate.
Me: Again. No.

At this point he became enraged and hung up on me. About as enraged as he seemed in the bar the other night when he got booted out of the kitchen. What a dick.


  1. princepurple

    nice. always fun. you know you have power when you can have that effect on someone.

  2. marie

    i really don’t understand what made you break things up with him.. he sounds charming..

    can’t beleive he thought that ‘let’s-watch-each-other-masturbate’ thing would work.. weirdo..

  3. marie


  4. Siryn

    It takes all kinds…! A real kLaSs AkT, that one is.

  5. HomeI'mprovementNinja

    This is weird on so many levels. Especially because the last “request” he can do without you.

    You seem to have a lot of these stories, velvet. Are there really THAT many people in this town with such poor social skillz?

  6. The Eternal Freshman

    Wow. What a toolbag and a serious perv. Sounds like he’s about to spin off his axle.

  7. I-66

    [in my best Hungarian accent… which you’ll have to imagine because I’ve never met nor heard a Hungarian speak]

    How DARE you not want to watch me touch myself, Velvet. I am the GREATEST lover in all of Hungary and want you to watch me take myself all the way back to Budapest. In my home country, all we do is watch eachother experience self-pleasure. Or at least that’s what they tell me they do, I’ve never touched a woman before.

  8. AlieMalie

    what the hell?! amazing. i didn’t know there were as many pervs and weirdos out there – you seem to have their names on one list.

    poor velvet – why do they always gravitate to you?

    fear not though, not all hungarians are like that – mine is supremely charming.

    hope things take a turn for the better very soon, you’re so worth it.


  9. whiskypants

    Who wants to start a support group where we would imbibe adult beverages, eat chocolate, and share these toads’ full names/m.o.’s so that they can’t continue to inflict their special kind of lovin’ on the rest of DC’s single women?

  10. Johnny

    i asked ipod if you would have enjoyed sex with the Hungarian and it replied,

    Only Time Will Tell — Asia


  11. Kayla

    HH: What the fuck are you looking at?

    Velvet: I am not looking at you jerk off, that’s for damn sure.

  12. playfulindc

    Umm…I think I may have dated him as well.


    (Not at you, but at him.)

  13. Rhinestone Cowgirl


    Oh my gosh — CLASSY!

  14. Velvet

    PrincePurple – I think he’s just a dick. I think he was just looking for a hole to sink his pee pee.

    Marie – Your comments crack me up. You are the reason I had to turn the “anon” back on.

    Siryn – I should really quit dating.

    Ninja – You know that in a way, I invite this sort of stuff. Because I never bail out at the first sign of trouble. I wait it out to see how far they will go (mutual masturbation in this case) so then I can giggle all the way home, and write it up for you guys. I swear, I have not made anything up on this blog.

    EF – No shit!

    I66 – The Hungarian accent is like any other European accent to me. Think German / Russian. Something in there. It’s heavy. There’s nothing pretty about it, and please, I don’t need any hate mail from any Hungarians.

    AlieMalie – It’s because I find them online. I really need to branch out.

    WhiskyPants – I should post his picture…except that I’ll be murdered soon. He’s a dick.

    Johnny – That Ipod is so smart.

    Kayla – I WISH I could have said something back to him. Nope, I cowered. There are some people I’m afraid of, and he is one of them.

    Playful – When do you come home??

    RC – That’s my life baby!

  15. Barbara

    Definitely NOT the one!

  16. trueborn

    Velvet thank you for cracking me up. Seriously though, where do these guys come from?

  17. playfulindc

    April 3rd. However, I may beg a day of couchtime as momma is homeless.


  18. Chris

    when you start your posts off with a Motley Crue song, it soounds like you are going to be just fine. Guy are assholes, girls are bitches, welcome to the real world. Shrug it off and live your life.

  19. Crazy Girl City

    Haha. What a douchebag!!

    I really wish we could come up with our own version of Punk’d!

    Punk’d: DC Dating Scene

    Punking toolbags like the horny Hungarian weekly. It would be great.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2024 Velvet in Dupont

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑