Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Don’t Be Thinking That I Don’t Want You Cause Maybe I Do

While I have so enjoyed watching the cop comments in the last post, you are requesting more. And I have more to give. Here we go.

Every afternoon when I come back from lunch, I toss my change on my desk. Every night when I leave, I forget to take it with me. Every morning when I come back in, the change is gone. It’s no secret that our cleaning crew at my office are a bunch of thieves. They have made off with a laptop from our office, as well as several cases of soda. Now they are stealing my money. Like the time when some redneck in Atlanta was stealing our Sunday paper, I set up a sting operation to catch the criminal – or to at least tell him/her that I knew what they were doing.

I should tell you that I’m a vindictive revenge-getter. If you wrong me, you best step back, because it won’t be pretty. I hate a thief the most of any. Get a job and get your own shit, don’t take mine! The person who stole that last Sunday paper from me in Atlanta pulled it out of the bag to find 4 weeks worth of chinchilla and hamster shit collected from the bottoms of their cages. Awww. So sad. I’m sure with as packed as that paper was with animal poop, there was no way it didn’t get all over their house. With my change thief, I taped my change to a sticky note that said, “How long will you keep stealing my change?” This morning I got a response to my note – a sticky note taped to a dollar that said, “I’m sorry. I took your money, here’s what I stole.”

Then my heart sank. I felt bad. I’m leaving him his dollar with a note that he can have it, I just wanted him to know that I knew what he was doing. I’m not trying to get a cleaning person in trouble for some change. If he gets fired, then he collects unemployment, maybe goes on welfare and I end up paying more for that, don’t I? I just want the thieves to know they can’t get away with it. Keep in mind my personality trait of feeling guilt for the rest of this post, okay?

After my post on visiting Uncle M (who by the way, told my cousin that I didn’t come up there to see him…hmm…) and the car accident, I got a text from everyone’s favorite enemy Sherlock. Well, he can’t be our favorite enemy anymore because from the last post I think we have a new asshole around here. Sherlock apologized, and said that I wrote a great post. I wanted to write back because I just didn’t think this would fix itself without a conversation. And someone thought I should just talk to him and deal with it head on. I replied that he was acting like a lunatic, and that two weeks of all this communication without a response from me was insane. We went back and forth in some texting over Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon we decided to have dinner on Wednesday. So, I ate dinner with Sherlock last night. It was fine. We had to clear the air, and each tell our side of what we thought happened. Mixed signals I suppose.

It’s not often that this type of sorting out occurs. I think in a lot of situations, one person just gets tired of the other and stops communication, without feedback. I would love to know what I did or didn’t do with regard to some of my exes.

Anyway, Sherlock walked me home and I said, “I really liked you the first night, and then something happened.” (I mean, I really liked him. Then it went all wrong, crashing and burning on the way.) He said, “Yeah, because I didn’t care the first night I met you.” But then he started caring. And shit changed.


And there we have it. I’m not saying this is a hard and fast rule, but showing someone you are available to them at every juncture is somehow unappealing. We like the challenge. We like to think that someone isn’t exactly ours from the start. I asked Sherlock if his interest in me was solely because I wasn’t interested in his attention. He said it was possible, but, who knows. Does anyone ever know with these things?

Final result: No matter what happens, he promised to stop being a psycho. And yes, he did use that word, and he did acknowledge that he was acting crazy. But he said it will stop, right…now.


  1. Siryn

    All right Sherlock!

  2. freckledk

    Is he still interested, and are you still uninterested?

  3. Marci

    God. I love it when a plan comes together.

    …er…I mean when people come together and can act like adults and be honest and shit. Yeah.

  4. Lucky

    But did you sleep with him?

  5. Marci

    OMG, Lucks…one-track-mind. Heysoos!

  6. Velvet

    Freckled – Um…tough to say on all of that. Jury is out.

    Lucky – No! Bad boy.

  7. homeimprovementninja

    Ya know…Mark Twain said the truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense. This is like watching a David Lynch movie except that it transpires over weeks instead of hours, and I get to keep my $9; $18 if you bring a date and she doesn’t want popcorn 😉

  8. I-66


    You had a chinchilla?

  9. Scarlet

    Aw, the note the thief left would have made me feel bad, too.

  10. raincouver

    Ninja – the movie that transpires over weeks is called a soap opera.

    Velvet – speaking of operas… I get the feeling that despite the valiant efforts of one enamoured Sherlock, the fat lady has sang on this one!

    P.S. Do you still have the chinchilla or did Thora and Sammy evict it?

  11. kokonutz

    raincouver: 5’ll get you 10 that the fat lady ain’t even warmed up yet.

    She liked him ’cause he didn’t like her, then he liked her cause she didn’t like him, now they sit down and have a civilized conversation about it. Over dinner. This is what is commonly referred to as a ‘relationship’. 😮

  12. I-66

    Raincouver: If by “evict” you mean “eat”.

  13. Velvet

    Ninja – Awesome. But who goes to a David Lynch movie alone?

    I 66 – Yes. His name was Chinchy. Poor chinchy, he met his fate with a lung disease. That little bastard was a bad ass. He used to suck his own dick, and that thing was way bigger than I would have ever thought.

    Rain – Chinchy is dead. Died in my arms. I would also like to note here that my pothead ex boyfriend would not come home to console a crying Velvet. That should have been the end of that relationship. Unfortch, I stayed another few years. Yanno, to watch the pot escalate to meth. Then I was done. Smart girl I am.

    Kokonutz – Shut your mouth! That’s not nice. Don’t be coming round here tossing your high falootin words like “relationship.” That’s enough to get you banned!

    I 66 – More stories about Chinch. That little fucker ate through my VCR cord. And still didn’t die. But I still have the electric taped VCR to prove it with his little teeth marks in it.

  14. Barbara

    I’ll bet the cleaning person was hispanic, right? They are incredibly hard-working and honest. That would have tugged at my heart also.

    I’m so happy for the resolution with Sherlock. It’s hard for 2 adults who have been through as much as you 2 have to behave so rationally and tie everything up so nicely. Bravo!

  15. Chico's Bail Bonds

    I, for one, am glad to see the Sherlock situation resolved amicably. I think it was an unfortunate intersection of an excited, overzealous guy who fell HARD for a woman, unexpectedly, and a fiercely independent woman who has dealt with her share of bizarre personal interactions and knows the line between “healthy obsession” and “scary destructive” gets blurred real quickly.

    But I also fault Sherlock for throwing out the “Great Sex w/o Fear of Commitment” card… if I were single I would beat the shit out of you for ruining this opportunity for other men.

  16. KassyK

    I am so glad that you worked things out with him…I am the same way-I always like a definitive reason and tend to give one as well.

    And I hear you also about the incident. I would have been pissed and then felt bad. Ay.

  17. Drunken Chud

    there is nothing to comment about. i can not come up with one thing to say. so, instead, i’m not commenting. so here it is: “no comment”.

  18. dc ski bunny

    i knew you two would meet again. there is no fat lady singing yet.not that I can hear anyway.

  19. Needtsza

    I don’t want anyone fired for 50 cents or whatever, but it doesn’t make stealing right. I would have been happy he left the note and left my dollar on the desk, unless I needed it that evening or whatever. See if they is truly sorry. Let them not steal it again and me stand proud to think that I helped society one person at a time.

    “I’m not saying this is a hard and fast rule, but showing someone you are available to them at every juncture is somehow unappealing. We like the challenge. We like to think that someone isnt exactly ours from the start.”
    -I’d have to agree. Problem is when you’re the one showing your cards all the time. The pattern is difficult to control because of the apparent control the person has on their lives, based on what’s been going on. A vicous cycle if not properly controlled.

    He needs to flip the script to make him “less psycho”

    Good luck and good bye til Sunday

  20. QueenofPreen

    Aw, my heart sank too as I was reading your story about the change thief, that is just sad. I can’t imagine the sort of life where you feel the need to actually take money from people (even though it was just change…it’s still sad). Anyway, good luck with the psycho 🙂 have a great weekend! I’ll be at a gazillion dollar wedding where the parents are on uppers…


  21. playfulindc

    Sometimes I steal pens and lighters without realizing it. Sometimes I do it on purpose.

  22. Living in Dupont

    Been absent for a bit… sorry… *fails* been sick, but I caught up today and I have to say I’m glad it seems like some sort of closure with Sherlock. Let’s hope he keeps his word, eh?

    And I agree about Cinchillas – badasses all around, I had one growing up (Gizmo) who was basically insane. It was brilliant.

  23. nato

    I hear chinchillas go well with a reduced port sauce . . . Happy Friday everyone!

  24. NR

    I’ll throw in $10 more with kokonutz. No chance that its really over with Sherlock. Once batshit crazy, always batshit crazy.

    Who paid for dinner? If it was him or he made a strong effort to pay the whole bill, he’s up to no good.

  25. kokonutz

    NR: stop sullying the odds whilst the mistress is not about! Not with the stench of adoration hanging so heavily in the air of this delicate environs!

  26. O-face

    Dam…….You need to hide Stone Phillips in your desk…

  27. NR

    Wow, Koko. Been reading Shakespearian sonnets much?

    Is the stench of adoration coming from you or Sherlock?

    I just got back from Snakes on a Plane. That movie is so ridiculously fun. See it.

  28. kokonutz

    Deadwood, actually. But same difference, approximately…

    From Velvet, methinks.

  29. circumlocutor

    You shouldn’t feel bad about the note you left with the change. The person knew that what they were doing was morally wrong or they wouldn’t have bothered returning the money. I’ve been dealing with a Diet Coke thief at work for some time now. I’d like to find a way to inject your hamster’s shit into the DC cans before I put them in the community fridge. Don’t worry about the cleaning person losing his (or her) job. Everyone knows that unskilled labor is in high demand. Gotta go…”Sliver” is on my TV and there’s a sex scene coming up soon.

  30. Stef

    At my first job, I had a windbreaker stolen from my desk chair overnight, then…. the biggest offense, someone stole 2 boxes of unopened Girl Scout Cookies from my desk! Alas, no tagalongs. The thief never was caught.

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