Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

Velvet, Thora & (a late to the game) Sammy vs. The Cookie Dough

It’s been about a month or more since an update on the Cookie Dough. We were cruising along quite nicely. As a matter of fact, we were on track to see the bottom of this container by spring thaw as originally estimated. However, there have been a few setbacks.

1) Tired of just the dough, I decided to cook a half dozen cookies, gasp, in the oven. I felt that my promise of eating the dough was compromised because cooking the dough is not what I said I was going to do. I was going to run it by you all to see if this was cheating. While I was composing that post…

2) I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of lovely friends. I decided to be ambitious and eat the Turkey Gravy. I know, it is made from the Turkey and I’m a vegetarian. But, I wanted to branch out. Half way during the night after Thanksgiving dinner, I got sick. Wayyyy sick. I was quickly reminded why I gave up meat all those years ago. It was 11 days before my stomach recovered. But just in time for the recovery, I went to another Holiday Party where I discussed my ailments with the Vegan host, who then promptly steered me in the direction of her chips and dips and sauces – all vegan. My stomach blew up like an Ethiopian and again, I had another few days of intestinal drama. Oh, suck it. You know you all keep coming back for my discussions of all things intestines.

Those are my excuses for the cookie dough campaign being at a halt. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to see this one through. I curse that day at Costco. Curse it!

In other news, Sixes and Sevens is leaving this week for a three week trip around Italy. I am very jealous, as Italy is really the only European Country I’ve seen that I would ever visit again. I thought about meeting her in Rome, but the day she’s there is the day I’m watching her dog. So there goes that plan. Anyway, I’m on pins and needles in anticipation of her trip, not for all the fun she’s going to have but because of the text messages she’s been receiving from my hot neighbor, indicating activities to come, hopefully before her trip. From a recent email exchange:

Sixes & Sevens: I just got a dirty text that Hot Neighbor shaved his balls for me.
Velvet: My dirty text of the day was about licking me after I pee.
Sixes & Sevens: You win.
Sixes & Sevens (10 minutes later:) No, you lose. I just got one that he wants me to fuck him with a strap on.
Velvet: You can’t see me, but I’m bowing down to you right now. You are THE WOMAN!
Sixes & Sevens: I’m gonna fuck him so hard he’s gonna cry to his mommy.

Finally, I spent a couple days in NYC last week and something bad happened:



  1. I-66

    He wants her to WHAT?!

    Has he been wearing HIN’s sweater?

  2. mama in lala

    um, wow. i feel like a virgin schoolgirl next to you lot. of course, that image does inspire thoughts of putting on a short plaid skirt and knee highs for the one-time hottest het dog park attendee…

  3. 6s & 7s

    Um…that would be sans any sweater except a latex one.

  4. E

    wow. I’m gonna pretend I didn’t just read that.

  5. MA

    Who are you girls? I swear. I live such a different, boring life.

  6. homeimprovementninja

    Y’all are a bunch of degenerates, that’s all I have to say. One day when you’re 60, you’re gonna want to do it missionary style…for old times sake.

  7. I-66

    Now that I think about it, if Velvet had meat in her mouth more often she wouldn’t have these digestive problems.

  8. Ms. Anthrope

    OUCH. I-66 you are going to PAY for that statement. PAY.

    Ninja is a sourpuss. C’mon, you KNOW you love all the attention that sweater has gotten you! You should wear it every day.

  9. homeimprovementninja

    Ms Anthrope, what makes you think I’m not wearing it right now? If I were any more euro today, I would need a passport.

  10. I-66

    Velvet knows I’m only a phone call away.

  11. Velvet

    Mama in Lala and 6’s and 7’s – you know who each other is, right? You kids do know each other! Not sure if you had made the connection.

    I66 – I like the idea of the all-gay sweater making it through the metro area.

    E – Oh, you can run, but you can’t hide!

    MA – You saw her at the adoption – chick is nuts!

    Ninja – Saying “missionary style” to 6’s and 7’s is like throwing holy water on her. Don’t hurt her! And please throw that sweater out! OUT!!

    K66 – HEY! Meat makes it to my mouth! It does!

    Ms. Anthrope – I think I need to do one of those fashion reality shows to Ninja’s closet, where I throw the clothes away in front of him and he cries.

  12. Uncle Keith

    I’ve agreed with everything hot neighbor did, and even envied and admired him, but I have to draw the line at being fucked with a strap-on.

  13. Cunning Linguist

    That text message is troublesome, and makes me cringe. Excuse me while I go have my own digestive issues, I don’t think I’m adventurous enough for some of what you write about. Still cringing.

  14. Ms. Anthrope

    Deal. I will get on the horn with Tim Gunn and we will meet you at his place. we can tie him down and watch him sweat it out.

    In fact you should send the sweater to Patsy and she can pose in it for him and we can torture him with the picture.


  15. 6s & 7s

    I KNOW WHO MAMA IN LA LA IS! Hi there pretty girl! How’s the tater and your handsome man? AS you can see Velvie and I are keeping it “real” in the 20009.

  16. Velvet

    Uncle Keith – Come on over to the darkside…

    CL – See above; Come on over to the darkside! Sixes and Sevens will have you boys doing things you never imagined.

    Ms. Anthrope – Too bad Queer Eye is now defunct, we could use him, but I love how Tim Gunn will be able to tell Ninja his choices in apparel are stupid without coming out and saying, “Ninnnnnja, you’re being verrrrrry stuuuuupid.” (That was my attempt at the Gunn-esque speak.)

    Sixes – Shouldn’t you be lubing up your toys? T-3 days!

  17. I-66

    Look, she got so excited about meat in her mouth she called me K66. What’s next, KY66? I think 6s & 7s could use some of that.

    It all comes full circle, but hopefully it does so in a sock, or at least it doesn’t get it on the sheets.

  18. Velvet

    I66 a.k.a. K66 a.k.a. KY66 a.k.a. KY69. There. That might be a better name for you!! Do we have an interstate 69 around here?

  19. I-66

    not really around here

  20. I-66

    …who needs KY for a 69 anyway?

  21. Ms. Anthrope

    I guess that depends on what you do during your 69. Use your imagination.

  22. freckledk

    Whores, all of you.

    By the way, I ran into my neighbor, who made mention of the topic of conversation during said Thanksgiving dinner.

    I now have to move. Maybe somewhere random in PA, where no one knows me.

  23. Velvet

    KY69 – Last Christmas you were the Coccyx and the Vas Deferens. This year? You’re a sexual innuendo of a highway! I’d say you’re moving up in the world.

    Ms. Anthrope – I was going to call you a whore, but then FK beat me to it.

    FK – Listen, a little drugs never hurt anyone. See: Courtney Love. Anyway, in all seriousness, I hope that dude didn’t relapse. I’d hate to see him on Intervention, my favorite show of all time ever.

  24. I-66

    Whatever. Freck’s reputation is well known. I think she might need to move to Siberia to get away. Or Kyrgyzstan.

  25. Velvet

    Bah Dum CHING! Well done! Very well done!!! You’ve pinch hit as the Coccyx and the Vas Deferens, your stock just doubled! HA!

  26. Lillith

    Costco, Sam’s and all of those buy-in-bulk places are of the devil. I spend more money on more shit I don’t need. . .

    Sixes and Sevens may be my new hero. Or heroine. Or whatever the hell I’m supposed to say.

  27. Drunken Chud

    girls with strap ons are hot. not doing me, but doing other girls. i have this porn clip i love right now, it’s jenna jameson railing away on carmen luvana with a strap on… holy shit is carmen a power bottom.

    and technically, unless you’re fresh out of the shower, isn’t he ALWAYS licking you after you pee? i mean, i’m just sayin.

  28. Ms anthrope

    Even in no where PA you are known…

  29. 6s & 7s

    Horde of whores. Awesome.

    Courtney, winehouse, velvet…all MY bitches.

  30. Ulysses

    People, people, some of us are trying to have a serious consideration of cookie dough rules: I’m pretty sure you’ve gotta augment the vat with another purchase equivalent to the cookies you baked.
    You might have to start all over, the fine print is a little blurry…

  31. mama in lala

    Hmmm… I have a guess, but the only two ho’s girls I know who might fit the bill go by other names on this site… Velvet, I must know — email me. Gawd, I love still getting my dog park gossip kicks.

  32. mama in lala

    On that last comment, “ho’s” was supposed to be struckout… my attempt at humor…

  33. Ulysses

    Somebody brought a gift in to my office today: chocolate covered cookie dough. Got any magic shell?

  34. Chopzdcat

    6s & 7s: remember to slap him on the ass and shout, “Say my name, bitch!”

    As far as “normalcy” in the bedroom… meh. Someone once told me that you know you’ve had good sex the night before, when you wake up the next morning, and the first thing you do is blush.

  35. Hot Neighbor

    Vanilla sex is not for the brown

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2024 Velvet in Dupont

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑