The last few weeks of my life have been about regrouping and reassessing. There have been many unfortunate casualties during this time away from the blog, but I had no choice. After a lot of consideration, I have decided that blogging will not be of those casualties. Not now, anyway.
Due to a series of truly unbelievable, venomous, vindictive events that transpired, I thought it might be best to close up shop. I gave the idea of quitting Velvet and returning to a life sans blogging, or blogging anonymously, a lot of thought over the past few weeks. The idea of an anonymous blog is incredibly appealing. I could essentially have my life back. But I kept coming back to the fact that I have worked really hard, poured my heart and soul, literally, into this blog, and into writing. I am a fighter, through and through. A fighter to the bitter end. I’ve been places that I hope to never see again – emotionally and physically.
What helped tremendously was the rallying of support I received from so many unlikely sources. Seriously. It always amazes me that the people you expect to count on, master the art of hibernation; Those you wouldn’t imagine would help, end up far exceeding your expectations. I’ve seen friendship redefined for me several times over in the past few weeks.
On the rest of the matters, I’ve taken what I will coin the “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” strategy. In life, we can’t erase people from making their mark, however big or small. But this blog is a different story. I can erase whoever I want. And I have. Delete delete delete. Backspace backspace. Highlight, select all, cut, paste to clipboard, close without saving. I know it’s bad to just obliterate some things off the map, but I’m doing it. You may notice there are a few posts missing. Call it Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Blog. Buh-Bye. Thanks for flying with Velvet. I hope to never see you again on another flight, ever.
While I’m on the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Blog, I’m also no longer tolerating any negativity in my life. So that means if you submit a nasty comment that hits way below the belt, you might be asked to exit the plane while we’re still circling the airport. Definition of “way below the belt?” Don’t worry, it’s nothing that the normal, sane, non-bipolar, 99.9% of readers are guilty of. Devils Advocate? Fine. Downright obnoxious? Deleted. Worse than that? IP Banned. Welcome to my rules. Negativity has no voice here.
I do believe when moving forward in such a final, no-looking-back manner, that it’s important to have learned something. The closest of my friends can and did sniff out trouble long before I can, leading me to one major conclusion: I have got to find a way to become a better judge of character. I overlooked some very obvious red flags. Sigh, I miss the old days of playing ball in elementary school. With those colored jerseys, you always knew who was on which team. In life? Not so much.
I can’t say what will happen from here forward. I’m frankly quite burned out on dating, and I’m very depleted of trust. And since you need enthusiasm and trust to date, well, it ain’t looking so good. Of course, I could and probably will change my mind. The heart is a resilient muscle, and it seems to quickly forget what happened to put it in such a bad way to start with. But right now, my heart is elsewhere.
In addition, with respect to internet dating, I’m also done. I know, so many of you recommended it at one time or another, but it doesn’t work. Not for me, or anyone I’ve spoken to about it. I’m hanging up my CL/Match/Yahoo hat here in Washington D.C. for good. I’ve met nothing but lunatics and sociopaths online, occasional normal man tossed in, but I draw the line at my personal safety being compromised. Even if I have two dates a year with people who I meet in real life, I’m much better off than having 25 or 30 a year from the internet. I know I’ve said that the more dates you have, the better the chance of meeting someone, but not when you are scraping the bottom of the barrel.
The reality is, a dating blog doesn’t have an endless life. Eventually, it comes to a point where you realize, you just can’t tolerate such a high level of emotionally draining experiences over a long period of time. How much more can you readers really be interested in reading about men who I seem to tire of somewhere between two hours and six years? That said, I have a lot of ideas to keep us on topic, but they don’t involve dating deranged mental patients for entertainment.
I don’t know exactly where Velvet is going, but I know this much – I’m too tired to continue going to the places I’ve already been.