Attacking Life with Comedic Jaws of Sarcasm. Recovering Dating & Relationship Blogger - Made it to Step 12 When I Got Married.

D.C. Cops Suck Ass. Yeah. I Said it.

I know I rarely post twice in a day, but, It’s Choose Your Own Adventure Time here at Velvet in Dupont. I gots a little problem and I need some input.

Unlike last week, where the cops were actually working to stop jaywalkers, they are back to their usual lazy routine. Okay, so this morning, I go out to get into my car, and there’s a Ford Taurus parked so close to my car that not only could I not squeeze in my drivers seat, but I can’t slide inbetween the cars sideways. I DESPISE the people who think it is okay to block one of the two functioning lanes on 17th Street so they can get their big gulp at 7/11 – but during morning rush hour? It’s especially rude since, just in front of me were several beautifully empty parking spots. So I walk into 7/11 and pose the question to the 2 people in there – is that your Ford Taurus out there? One guy turns around and says, “No, did you get hit?” I said, “No it’s blocking me in and I can’t get out.” Not a peep from the cop. He was very busy looking at the selection of Bear Claws. Hmm. One of America’s Most Wanted must be hiding in there.

So I walk back outside, standing there trying to decide if I’m too fat to squeeze from the passenger side. (Speedracer is small and Velvet ate at Maggiano’s this weekend.) Then the guy from 7/11 calls out to me and says, “Hey, it’s the cops car.” So I look in there and what do I see? DC’s FINEST ASSHOLE chit chatting with the 7/11 clerk. Steaming mad, I just won’t let these guys push me around, especially when they are wrong. So I say to the other guy, “What’s he doing? I need to get in my car!” The cop turns around from the cash register, where he’s very busy solving crimes, and he says “GO STAND BY YOUR CAR!!!!” So I say, “You had to double park and block me in? You couldn’t have parked in the open spots?” Then he screams at me and tells me that I am “not to raise my voice to him.” Ok. Asswipe. Let’s look at this situation for a minute. I’m standing on 17th Street, next to an 18 Wheeler with its engine on. So SORRY if I’m screaming so your lazy useless good for nothing ass can sit in there digging around in the “Give a Penny Take a Penny” box. He comes out of 7/11 sauntering slowly like he has not a care in the world, like the whole downtown isn’t flooded, like nothing else needs to be done, yelling at me to “shut my mouth.” He gets in his car and drives away.

I got his plate number.

I called 311 and they forwarded me to the Sarge! She ran the plate, called me back, wanted a description of the guy, and said, “I’ll call you back in a few after I locate the officer, but think about if you want me to handle it or if you want to file a formal complaint.” I asked her what she thought I should do. She said, “These guys can’t be out there on the street talking to citizens like this.” I told her, “It’s not the norm. I know most of the guys in my neighborhood and they aren’t like this.” (Lazy, yes, but belligerent? Nope. Two of them have asked me out as a matter of fact.) A formal complaint involves going to the police station to file a paper on him. You know, the station right across the street from my gym. You know, the gym I’m at sometimes twice a day.

Keeping in mind that I’m SO OVER these DC Cops who do nothing, what should I do? File the complaint or keep my mouth shut? I’ve already been told by friends in the ‘hood that the cop will be looking for me to commit any minor infraction since he knows my car. But, I don’t really do illegal shit while driving. Kind of hard to in a city that moves a snail’s pace.

Ok. Help.

2 Comments

  1. Siryn

    Ninja, you keep attracting those tickets for some reason….

  2. Shoot him dead!

    These fuckers think they are above the law. Stick a 9MM next to his temple, ask him if he believes in GOD because he’s about to meet him and SQUEEZE!!! (2x for good measure)

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